ON THE BULLETIN BOARD, REPOSTED

[crabbycustomer]

ATTENTION BAR DENIZENS

OUT OF THE GOODNESS OF MY EMPATHY BLADDER I, KARKAT VANTAS, HAVE CHOSEN TO SHARE WITH YOU AN EXTREMELY USEFUL COMMUNICATION UTILITY FROM MY REALITY, SUITABLY PARED DOWN AND SIMPLIFIED FOR EASE OF USE.

IT IS CALLED T MINUS.

IT IS A CHAT CLIENT. IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT A CHAT CLIENT IS, IT IS A SYSTEM FOR LONG-DISTANCE TEXT-BASED COMMUNICATION BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE OVER THE INTERNET. IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE INTERNET IS YOU HAD BETTER COME TALK TO ME PERSONALLY BEFORE YOU OVERWHELM YOURSELF WITH THIS THING. BUT TRUST ME, IT IS PRETTY COOL.

IT SHOULD WORK INTERDIMENSIONALLY, WITHIN MILLIWAYS OR FROM YOUR WORLD TO MILLIWAYS. OR WITHIN YOUR WORLD, I GUESS. UNLESS IT MALFUNCTIONS. IF IT MALFUNCTIONS PLEASE LET ME KNOW SO I CAN GO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF THE SERVER WITH A CROWBAR. A MAGICAL CROWBAR THAT FIXES COMPUTERs GLITCHES. IT ALSO SUPPORTS FUNCTIONALITY FOR BULLETIN BOARD POSTINGS THAT ARE VISIBLE TO EVERYONE FROM A HANDHELD DEVICE, PASSING UP OR SUPPLEMENTING THIS ANTIQUATED PIECE OF SHIT.

IT ONLY RUNS ON DEVICES FROM MY WORLD. I AM SUBSIDIZING THESE IF YOU WANT TO GET ONE FROM THE BAR BECAUSE I AM HAVE BEEN TRYING TO GET A USERBASE STARTED ON THIS THING. IT IS ORGANIC TECHNOLOGY SO PLEASE REMEMBER TO FEED IT, THERE ARE INSTRUCTIONS LOADED ON THE FUCKING THINGS. OR COME TALK TO ME. I AM THE GREY KID WITH THE HORNS, I AM PRETTY HARD TO MISS. ACTUALLY THERE ARE A FEW GREY KIDS WITH HORNS AROUND BUT PROBABLY ANY OF US CAN HELP YOU.

YOU CAN TAKE ONE WITHOUT TALKING TO ME, I DON'T CARE, BUT IF YOU NEED SOMEONE TO HOLD YOUR FROND I AM AROUND. OR TRY MESSAGING ME FIRST TO MAKE SURE YOU ARE SET UP CORRECTLY.

MY USER NAME IS chirurGeneralist.

Comments

[nepetaleijon]

AC: :33 < *ac sneaks up on an unsuspecting cg*
AC: :33 < *tail twitching as she purrpares to pounce*

[crabbycustomer]

CG: *CG DOES NOT HAVE TO STAND FOR THIS KIND OF BULLSHIT*
CG: *CG COULD BE DOING ANY NUMBER OF BETTER THINGS WITH HIS AMBIGUOUS QUASI-AFTERLIFE*
CG: *NO, WAIT, CG IS COMPLETELY FULL OF SHIT ON THAT FRONT
CG: BUT DOES TAKE A PRECIOUS MOMENT TO REFLECT THAT HE CANNOT BELIEVE WHAT DEPTHS HE HAS SUNK TO*
CG: *AS HE OBLIVIOUSLY WAITS TO BE POUNCED, I GUESS?*

[nepetaleijon]

AC: :33 < *POUNCEGR33T!*
AC: :33 < hi karkat :DD

[crabbycustomer]

CG: *OH MAN, CHECK OUT HOW SHITTY AND ANGRY CG IS*
CG: *SURPRISING NO ONE*

[nepetaleijon]

AC: :33 < *ac is completely unsurpurrised*
AC: :33 < *she thinks cg is just purredictable that way!*
AC: :33 < *and also pawdorable*
AC: :33 < sorry i missed mewvie night!

[crabbycustomer]

CG: OH, DID YOU?
CG: I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE
CG: OR THINK TO MYSELF, SURELY NEPETA CAN SEE THIS GIANT SCREEN FROM UP IN HER CAVE
CG: AND WONDER WHERE THE HELL YOU WERE
CG: AND IF I HAD DONE SOMETHING TO PISS YOU OFF
CG: NOPE, I SURE DIDN'T HAVE ANY THOUGHTS OR WONDERS OR NOTICINGS LIKE THAT

[nepetaleijon]

AC: :33 < *ac looks sh33pish*
AC: :33 < i was asl33p
AC: :33 < i stayed up almeowst two hours past sunrise the day befur!

[crabbycustomer]

CG: NO, COME ON, DON'T BE LIKE THAT
CG: THAT IS LIKE
CG: TOTAL TREASON
CG: AGAINST THE SOVEREIGN NATION OF CIRCADIA
CG: IT IS BULLSHIT
CG: WE ARE NOCTURNAL, NEPETA
CG: WE ARE NOCTURNAL AND WE EAT GROSS STUFF AND OUR CHAIRS USED TO BE ALIVE
CG: OTHERWISE HOW ELSE CAN PEOPLE EVEN TELL WE'RE ALIENS?

[nepetaleijon]

AC: :33 < of course were nocturnal
AC: :33 < but humans are diurnal and sometimes they stay up way past sunset
AC: :33 < so its only fair we get to stay up past sunrise sometimes!
AC: :33 < anyway i was
AC: :33 < busy
AC: :33 < with stuff

[crabbycustomer]

CG: OH, OKAY
CG: STUFF
CG: THAT'S NOT AT ALL MYSTERIOUS OR SUSPICIOUS
CG: HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

[nepetaleijon]

AC: :33 < *ac looks around purreptitiously*
AC: :33 < i might meowbe have b33n
AC: :33 < updating my shipping charts :DD

[crabbycustomer]

CG: ...
CG: OKAY WHAT DID YOU SEE AND WHY EXACTLY WAS IT NONE OF YOUR GODDAMN BUSINESS???

Sudden, total paranoia!

[nepetaleijon]

AC: :33 < it wasnt anything to do with you!
AC: :33 < unless
AC: :33 < is there any mews i should know about in that quarter? ;33

[crabbycustomer]

CG: NO
CG: EXCEPT
CG: THERE IS THIS ONE QUADRANT THAT HAS BEEN GETTING PRETTY DISGUSTINGLY COZY LATELY
CG: I AM REALLY ACTING LIKE A COMPLETE HORMONAL JACKASS I HAVE TO SAY
CG: PUTTING UP WITH JUST THE MOST HEINOUS KIND OF IDIOT BEHAVIOR
CG: AND EVEN PARTICIPATING IN SOME OF IT
CG: YOU WOULD THINK THERE MUST BE SOMETHING PRETTY GODDAMN SPECIAL ABOUT THIS PERSON
CG: YOU WOULD THINK SO.

[nepetaleijon]

A long pause.


AC: :33 < okay are you stalking about me or somenyan else
AC: :33 < beclawse i seriously cant tell ://

[crabbycustomer]

CG: NO, IT'S YOU, NITWIT

[nepetaleijon]

AC: :33 < oh good :DD
AC: :33 < <3
AC: :33 < and might you meowbe f33l like
AC: :33 < purrticipating in some more idiot behavior
AC: :33 < anytime soon?

[crabbycustomer]

CG: IT SEEMS THAT SUCH
CG: MIGHT JUST BE
CG: INEFURTABLE.

[nepetaleijon]

AC: :33 < ...
AC: :33 < :DD
AC: :33 < want to come up to the cave?

[crabbycustomer]

CG: YEAH SURE
CG: THERE IS SOME STUFF I NEED TO TELL YOU ACTUALLY I GUESS
CG: AND SHOW YOU
CG: THE BAR GAVE ME THIS MOVIE

[nepetaleijon]

AC: :33 < yay :DD
AC: :33 < bring it with!
AC: :33 < im purretty sure the furnestrated wall is still working

[crabbycustomer]

CG: BE THERE IN A SECOND

He will be there in a second, with the news about Rose, which is grim and kind of sad; and a movie about relationships between green dudes mediated by slapstick and chicanery, which he thinks is a revelation. It is a whole new angle on alien romance and he thinks she will love it.

(He might be wrong about that.)

[nepetaleijon]

(He juuuust might be.)




"THIS. IS. BLASFURMY."

[crabbycustomer]

"NO, COME ON, DON'T BE LIKE THAT. YOU CAN'T JUDGE IT UNTIL YOU UNDERSTAND THE CHARMS. THE CHARMS AND THE TROVES. IT IS FASCINATING, BUT IT IS HARD TO FOLLOW UNTIL YOU HAVE DONE SOME RESEARCH."

"JUST.... READ THE BOOK, OK? IT'S ALL IN THE BOOK."

[nepetaleijon]

She's bristling a little, shaking her shoulders as though to throw off clinging drops of water.

"I don't care what they call it, that is NOT rawrmance."

[crabbycustomer]

"NO, COME ON. COME ON, NEPETA. BE MULTICULTURAL, WILL YOU PLEASE BE MULTICULTURAL?"

"THIS IS BASICALLY RACIST, DIG DOWN IN YOUR PUMPBISCUIT AND TRY TO SEE THE IMPLICIT ROMANCE IN, LIKE, THE WAY HE IS PUTTING THE WHITE WASH INTO THE HAT, AND THEN HE KIND OF RUBS IT AROUND, LOOK AT THAT. THAT IS SUCH A CLEAR INDICATION OF... HANG ON, LET ME LOOK THIS UP, I FORGET, BUT IT IS DEFINITELY A CLEARCUT INDICATOR OF INTEREST IN ONE OF THESE FUCKING CHARMS. HANG ON, I'LL FIND IT."

[nepetaleijon]

"I just don't s33 how it's rawrmantic," she purrtests protests. "I mean you're talking about charms and all I can s33 is, is strangeness."

Beat.

"And purranks."

[crabbycustomer]

"ALL RIGHT, LOOK, I AGREE WITH YOU, PRANKS ARE LAME AS SHIT, THEY ARE A VEHICLE PARKED SQUARELY IN THE WHO GIVES A FUCK ZONE, BUT HOW CAN YOU WATCH THIS AND NOT SEE THAT THESE ARE THREE BEINGS OF NO PARTICULAR GENDER WHO ARE DEEPLY IN THE THRALL OF SOME POWERFUL EMOTION?"



"THE IDENTITY OF WHICH, I ADMIT, IT TAKES SOME INTENSE RESEARCH TO MAKE OUT. BUT THAT'S WHY IT'S SO FASCINATING!"

[nepetaleijon]

She looks ... dubious.

"I guess we could k33p watching."

SEE WHAT SHE PUTS UP WITH FOR YOU, KARKAT.