First entrance: The Minions

[ba_na_na]

In the middle of Milliways,
At the end of the universe,
I lost my poor apple,
When it rolled through the inter-dimensional, universe hopping bar door.
It rolled under a table and under a chair

And now it's just lying there. Waiting. And that door is still open.



A face peers round the corner of the door.

"Bapple?"

The little yellow creature ventures into the bar to look for his lost fruit.

"BAPPLE!" \o/

A sound like the rumble of an earthquake.

MINION STAMPEDE!

Comments

[holds_her_own]

Nobody mentioned this last night.

"Holy shit."

Agent Hill neatly picks her feet off the floor, bracing them on the rung of her stool. She doesn't know where these things have been.

She doesn't even know what these things are.

[ba_na_na]

Too bad that stool is where the apple ended up, right?

They swarm around the legs of the stool, pushing and shoving in their attempts to get the fruit; an amorphous mass of yellow and dungarees calling mournfully "bapple! Bapple!"

[holds_her_own]

Of course it is.

That's Hill's luck.

She grips the edge of her seat, rocked back and forth by the stampeding summer squashes.

Eventually, she's had enough. Raising her fingers to her lips, she lets out a piercing whistle.

"Hey!"

[ba_na_na]

The seething mass stops and looks up. There is still some shoving and pushing and general muttering of 'bapple?'

The hapless minion left holding the apple looks up and says "Whaaaa?"

[holds_her_own]

"I'm sitting here!"

Could she get a little respect?

"What the hell are you guys?"

[ba_na_na]

"Boi na minions," says the one holding the apple. Clearly he is the leader of the bunch and that makes him Dave.

The rest of them are pushing and shoving to get a glimpse of that shiny, shiny apple in his hand. Some of them are drooling.

[holds_her_own]

"Oh yeah, that clears everything up."

She purses her lips.

"Are you going to eat that? Because, let me tell you, I'm starving."

An eyebrow twitches.

[ba_na_na]

Dave looks down at the apple and back up at the woman. The other minions look at Dave to see what he'll do.

He takes a step back, hides the apple behind his back.

"Bee wha?"

[holds_her_own]

She flashes a grin.

"Your apple."

She points at Dave, just to drive home that she knows he has it.

"Are you going to share?"

She has no idea what protocols are in place for fucking with alien lifeforms here, but she has this uncanny feeling they can take it.

[ba_na_na]

"Bapple? Wha bapple?"

He hides it behind his back. The eyes of the other minions follow the apple.

[holds_her_own]

"Huh. That's funny."

She cracks her knuckles.

"I really thought I saw an apple. Are you sure you don't have one?"

[ba_na_na]

"Oh ya, oh ya, no bapple!" He says, nodding emphatically. He is very, very sure he Does Not Have An Apple.

[holds_her_own]

"Huh. Well, I guess it's a good thing this magic bar here can whisk up an apple out of thin air."

She knocks on the counter, and without meaning to conjures an entire basket of beautiful, shiny, red apples.

"Oh, look at that. Hey, these look delicious."

How is she ever going to eat them all?

[ba_na_na]

Dave's mouth drops open. So do the mouths of a hundred other minions.

There is a thud as a red apple, slightly bruised, hits the floor.

[holds_her_own]

"Hmmmmm. Which one ... ?"

She takes her sweet time choosing an apple, which she plucks from the basket and promptly begins to nosh.

CRUNCH.

"Mmm, so good."

[ba_na_na]

Dave drops to his knees.

The minions may or may not be drooling.

"Ba... bapple?" he says tentatively.

[holds_her_own]

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did you want some?"

She wipes the juices from her mouth, pointing at her abundant, crisp, beautiful apples.

[ba_na_na]

Dave licks his lips and nods.

The other minions do as well.

[holds_her_own]

"Hm, because I thought you weren't interested."

Curiouser and curiouser.


She could go on like this for a while.

But.

They are kind of pathetically adorable.

She snorts softly, lowering the basket to the floor.

[ba_na_na]

"Bapple!" the cry goes up and the minions rush forward, all clamouring to get an apple.

[holds_her_own]

She picks her feet up, munching away as the dinner show begins.

"Guys, I can get more."

They don't have to resort to violence.

Although, that would be funnier.

[ba_na_na]

The minions stop. Dave looks up at her.

"Mo?"

And they look at each other. They whisper.

Then they begin to cheer.

"Bo da na na da Bapple Reine!"

There may be minions attempting to hug her feet.

[holds_her_own]

Well.

She has no fucking clue what's going on.

"Uh."

Occasionally, when even the best SHIELD has to offer comes up empty-handed on an explanation, she has been known to resort to laughter.

She runs her hand over her hair.

"You're welcome."