She nodded. "I know. The officer in me is fully aware of this." It was what she told herself over and over when the nightmares got too bad. "But..the rest of me can't stop the 'what ifs'."

She hated the 'what-ifs': they were distracting and a waste of energy, but they kept coming. "I did attend the memorial, and I'm glad I did, but I kept silent the entire time, even though they gave me the option to speak. I was worried that if I said even one word, everything would come out." And that was the last thing people wanted to hear when in mourning.