Straight Outta Omega (AU Week)

[feminine_menace]

The Front Door splits and slides open. On the other side is a teen-aged human girl in light armor with an orange and blue paint job. She's got a submachine gun on her left hip, a big fucking knife strapped to her right boot, and a shotgun magna-locked to her back, its butt rising just above her right shoulder. Behind her is an alleyway located in the most wretched hive of scum and villainy in the Terminus Systems (which is saying something, because as regions of the galaxy go, the Terminus Systems is a pretty bad neighborhood).

A lizard-dog-thing the size of a Saint Bernard pushes past the girl, sniffs the air, grunts, and trots towards the Bar. The girl follows him, scanning the room for (and not finding) any indicators of potential trouble. She hops up onto a barstool and orders a salad. Salad may not sound like such a big deal to you, but you don't know how hard it is to get fresh vegetables on Omega.

The lizard-dog, crouching beneath her barstool, whines and does his best to look pathetic and adorable.

"No, Fido," YT says. "I saw you chewing on that dead vorcha back there. Means anything I give you now is probably gonna come right back up in half an hour."

Fido - who is dumb enough to eat vorcha but not dumb enough to argue with YT - slumps to the floor, chastened. But when YT's not looking he makes big eyes at passers-by and wags his tail a little, hoping someone will take pity on him and give him a treat.

[OOC: Happy AU week!]

Comments

[littlegreycells]

In the short time Poirot has been here, he's gotten used to the idea that one ought not stare at the strange people one sees.

But there is a difference between "young woman in an outlandish outfit with a strange gun" and "bizarre creature that would give you nightmares."

So he feels free to stare this time.

[feminine_menace]

YT gets real antsy when people stare in her general direction. Tends to mean that they're sizing her up, getting ideas. So her sensible and entirely reasonable reaction is to project a strong Do Not Fuck With Me vibe.

"You got a problem?" she says icily. Fido lifts his head as the tone of YT's voice puts him on alert.

[littlegreycells]

"Non. I...I just never saw a creature like that." Which might be the closest he's ever come to English understatement.

[feminine_menace]

YT blinks and looks at Fido. "First time you've met a varren, huh?"

"Burf," says Fido helpfully.

[littlegreycells]

"Yes. It would seem so. What is he? Is he from Africa?" He's under the impression that half the strange creatures on Earth are from Africa, the other half from Australia.

[feminine_menace]

"No, Tuchanka. Y'know, same planet the krogan are from?"

Well, that's where they originated from anyway. They're an invasive species on dozens of planets now.

[littlegreycells]

"I beg your pardon?" He met an elf. But that doesn't mean his mind has actually absorbed the idea of alien worlds or alien life.

[feminine_menace]

YT rolls her eyes. "Athame's blue ass," she mutters. "What century are you from?"

If he's from the Dark Ages and thinks that the Earth is flat and the Sun orbits around it or some shit like that, YT is not even gonna try.

[littlegreycells]

"I died in the middle of the twentieth century. Should I deduce that you are from the future?" He's still having trouble with this concept, too. He never read much Jules Verne, let alone H. G. Wells.

[feminine_menace]

"Burf," says Fido, which may or may not be relevant to the conversation.

"I'm from the 23rd century. So yeah, maybe."

YT has been around here long enough to know that there are multiple timelines, and this dude's 23rd century may end up very different from hers. Not that he'll see it.

"We've been in space for a few decades now. Settled some planets, met some aliens, fought some wars with said aliens. All that good stuff."

[littlegreycells]

"Ah. Such wonders the future will bring." Including weird lizard-dogs, it seems. "I have met one who has told me of aliens, but not of the travel of space. And not of the creatures we would find."

[feminine_menace]

"Can't tell you much about space travel. I've only made one trip, from Terra Nova to Omega." YT was ten at the time, and not at all happy about it. "As for aliens: most of them are assholes. But that's most humans too, so..."

YT is an equal-opportunity misanthrope. Actually, is "misanthrope" the right word if you dislike not only humans but asari, salarians, turians, etc.?

[littlegreycells]

Poirot would probably say the word still applies. Even if it does not apply to himself.

"Many humans are, how you say, assholes. But many are not. That would possibly be the case for non-humans as well."

[feminine_menace]

"Spoken like someone who's never been to Omega," YT says. "Not that you'd want to."

Fido starts pacing in a circle and making whining noises. He looks rather distressed.

"Aw, crap," YT says, getting off her barstool. "Fido! Outside now!" She rushes to the back door, Fido at her heels. They go outside.

A minute passes. The two come back inside. YT has a mildly disgusted expression. Fido, on the other hand, is very cheerful! There is a faint lingering odor in the air around him that wasn't there before.

"He ate the leg off a dead vorcha earlier," YT says, climbing back up on her stool. "Always makes him barf, but he does it anyway."

"Burf!" says Fido.

[littlegreycells]

"In that he is most like a dog, then. My friend Hastings had a dog who rarely did what made sense. But Hastings seemed to understand him." Poirot thinks dogs are best when used for hunting or police purposes. And in someone else's possession.

[feminine_menace]

"Pretty sure that all the stuff Fido gets up to makes sense to him," YT says. She doesn't know why he eats vorcha, but she's sure he has his reasons.

Fido butts YT's leg to get her attention and looks up at her, wagging his tail. "Yeah, yeah, okay. Now that you got the vorcha out of your system." YT orders some pyjack jerky and throws a piece for Fido. He jumps and snaps it out of the air with his powerful and prodigiously toothy jaws.

[littlegreycells]

No, there's nothing scary about that creature at all, is there?

"People keep varren as pets often?"

[feminine_menace]

"Depends what you mean by 'people.'" YT tosses more pyjack jerky to Fido. "Also 'pets.'"

Helpful answer!

[littlegreycells]

"I mean people besides you. And for uses besides eaten one's enemies." Plenty of dogs are not pets. Especially in wartime.

[feminine_menace]

"Most people do keep varren for eating their enemies. Or maiming them, anyway."

Ha ha. Funny.

"But some people keep them for pit fighting. Don't know anyone who keeps a varren as a housepet."

YT tosses another piece of pyjack meat. Fido jumps for it and misses. Fortunately he is not averse to eating it off the floor.

[littlegreycells]

"And what do you do with him, mademoiselle?" He is always bound to get somewhat curious.

[feminine_menace]

"Fido here is my business associate," YT says, absolutely deadpan.

"Yarp!" says Fido.

[littlegreycells]

"Somehow I find that hard to accept." He might be new here, but that doesn't mean is gullible.

[feminine_menace]

"Somehow I don't care." YT reaches down and scratches Fido on top of his head, between his big saucer eyes. "We're a team. We work together."

She sounds more sincere this time.

[littlegreycells]

He raises an eyebrow at her cavalier attitude. But what can one expect from the young.

"And what sort of work is it that you do?"