Waiting for the conquering heros.

[lt-naraht.livejournal.com]

There is a Horta in the Bar.

That, by itself, has not been unusual for this last year. But, this time, Naraht is watching the area of the Door intently. On the table beside him are various devices and supplies: medikits, tricorders, folding stretchers, blankets. There is also a large, chilled keg full of Ray's Green Stuff standing by.

He's been in this position ever since the rescue party left last night...and he's not gonna budge until they get back.

Comments

[gone_byebye]

"As nearly as I can tell," Ray says, "they bought a piece of land Ted Kaczynski passed up because it was too remote, put up a cabin entirely without metal, glass, or plastic components, and called an interdict on satellite and aircraft overflights for the surrounding five hundred square miles. All, I might add, on Walter freaking Peck's orders."

[stilljustandrew]

... Peck? How the hell?

[gone_byebye]

"Typo," Ray says. "He told me. An actual typo. When the EPA demoted him somebody typed his info into a transfer form instead of another guy's named Walter Peck, and he wound up working for this super black ops organization called Foliage Census. He said they monitor technology movement everywhere in the world, and they wanted me out of circulation and working for them, so they were gonna give me time to think it over."

He scowls. "In Upper Wolf's Ass, Montana. Honestly. If I never see red meat jerky again it'll be too soon."

[stilljustandrew]

*Andrew's teeth clench.*

Right.

Next time he gets doused in melted marshmallow? Someone needs to hold his head under.

[gone_byebye]

"No arguments here, though I was thinking more along the lines of some form of enema or something just to make sure he absolutely gets the lesson." Ray grimaces. "Come to think of it I should ask my nephews what they think ought to happen to him- no, never mind. The last time I saw them Alex had just seen Return of the Jedi. He'd probably just say throw him to the Sarlacc."

[stilljustandrew]

Gah.

Anyway -- can I get you anything? Painkillers? Something to eat or drink? Or read?

[gone_byebye]

"Anything written in the English language that isn't either the US Army Survival Manual or written by Jean Auel," Ray says fervently. "I never, never, ever want to see anything about blond Cro-Magnons getting their freak on AGAIN as long as I live."

[stilljustandrew]

*In a tiny horrified whisper:* ... oh god.

I'll be right back --

*Andrew turns and dashes back to the couch where he was sitting, and is back in about five seconds with Arthur C. Clarke's The Nine Billion Names Of God held out in one hand like a relay racer's baton.*

[gone_byebye]

To extend the athletic metaphor, Ray grabs the book with the enthusiasm of a marathon runner offered a cup of water. "Thank you," he says fervently. "Man- no offense to Ms. Auel, but I really do think I put her books to their two best possible uses, even if they're both sort of desecrations of the printed word. I suppose in my own defense I should say she desecrated it first, but still."

[stilljustandrew]

Wait, two? *pause* ...oh.

Gnh.

*Andrew shudders slightly, in mingled disgust and anger.*

So how long do you figure before they realize you've gone?

[gone_byebye]

"Yeah."

Ray shakes his head. "Dunno. Egon said we had a couple of hours before the next government-owned satellite passed over, so there's that. Peck used to call on the hardline they'd installed to the cabin every so often, usually if I didn't go outside where the satellites could see me. So between the two? A couple of hours, tops."

[stilljustandrew]

Oh to be a fly on that wall.

*It's only partly facetious. Peck makes the most amusing faces when he loses it.*

[gone_byebye]

"You might get to see it anyway, if there's video security in his office," Ray says. "Egon said something about chastisement. I think you might be able to pick up the videotapes if you go along to Foliage Census."

[stilljustandrew]

Chastisement, huh?

*Andrew hasn't quite got the Crack Of Doom note in his voice, but it's close.*

[gone_byebye]

"Yep," says Ray. "Also something about 'worst mistake of their misbegotten lives', according to Peter, once we got him to stop cursing long enough to speak coherently."

[stilljustandrew]

Kind of right there with him.

*A pause.*

Um ... how're you feeling about the whole chastisement concept?

[gone_byebye]

Ray considers this for a while.

"I'm good with it," he says at last. "I mean, you know... I'm not a violent guy, you know that, but if it were up to me? I'd sort of like to throw him to the fanboys back at the Firehouse. The only problem is they've all got plastic lightsabers instead of metal bat'leths. And then when they were done with him I'd like to borrow that neuralyzer of K's and play with it for a while in front of him. And then put every single computer virus anyone's grandmother ever accidentally opened because they didn't know any better on the computers at Foliage Census as a prelude to accidentally setting off an electromagnetic pulse capable of knocking out the Federal Reserve transaction node in Culpeper, Virginia. And maybe there should even be some fire ants, because fire ants make just about anything better, but I'll settle for the other stuff."

Pause.

"Of course, I'm not exactly running at full capacity right now, and I'm pretty sure Master Qui-Gon wouldn't be down with the whole bloody-minded vengeance thing, but if we leave out the fire ants that shouldn't be too much of a problem, right?"

[stilljustandrew]

*Andrew's nodding.*

Yeah. Think maybe the details could use some refinement, but yeah. All respect to the Jedi ideals, but....

They don't get to get away with this. It's that simple. They do not get to get away with this.

[gone_byebye]

"Of course they don't," Ray says quite reasonably. "They'll just come back and do it again if we don't do something. And frankly? I don't think we can wait on the General Accounting Office and Deep Throat to embarrass these guys into giving up. This is where we get to really bust some heads. In a, um, purely ... oh, who am I kidding. Actual heads."

[stilljustandrew]

*That gets a grim smile.*

*If he doesn't say 'let's show this prehistoric bitch how we do things downtown,' it's probably only because he feels Ray has had quite enough of things prehistoric lately.*