milliways_bar | (no subject)

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Sam inna bar. He's got his dinner, but is currently ignoring it in favour of another very complicated game of cats-cradle with magic.

He certainly isn't preoccupied, and certainly isn't worried about a certain friend of his, or more accurately what said friend's reactions will be to an unfortunate incident the other day.

Someone really ought to tell him his food's getting cold.

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A weak smile.

"Worked out why I'm so screwed up yet? This all happened over a three month period. I had a breakdown in January after my father's death."

"Yeah, it had crossed my mind." Sam gives him a small smile in return. "And I thought I had father issues."

"Doesn't make yours any less valid if I'm not strong enough to stand up to mine."

"For all the good telling him to bugger off ever did me."

He shakes his head. "Don't knock yourself, Guppy. I've had a few thousand years to get used to it; you haven't."

"Does it ever stop hurting?"

He shrugs. "Different situation. You loved your father, for a start."

"You must have felt something. My father and I had fought ever since I was five but there was still something there in the end."

He shakes his head. "Nope. I didn't actually know who he was until I was quite old. And when I did... it wasn't fun."

Honestly, "I wanted a father. But not the one I got."

"I'm sorry." Guppy says.

"That must have hurt. At least my father was around."

He shrugs again. "Mine's always around, that's half the problem. He just doesn't care. Manipulative bastard that he is."

Guppy puts a gentle hand on Sam's shoulder.

"You have eternity to make up with him."

Sam shakes his head again, but doesn't shrug off the hand. "Don't much want to, to be quite honest. Just don't want- or intend- to be manipulated. Which is all mostly just as well, since it isn't going to happen."

Guppy removes the hand himself.

"Well just think about it perhaps. Even if you won't have the problem of being too late."

Bluntly. "Guppy, it isn't going to happen. Look. My father had a child for a certain purpose. The golden child, Balder. And he loved Balder. But Balder died. Therefore he created me for the same purpose. The difference being that he didn't love me. He couldn't- can't- I'm just the necessary child, after all. And nothing's going to change that, believe me."

"You asked if I felt anything for him. I said no, which wasn't quite true. But I can't see that bitterness, distaste and disappointment are any better."

"People do change." Guppy snaps. "Even gods, and if you don't believe me just look at Asar-Suti. Just be glad you still have a father and that he's never going to be taken away from you. Twenty years is a long time to hate someone, even if it's small by your standards, but in the end there were moments when we really cared for one another. Even if he died hating me I still have one moment to cling to."

His anger already begins to subside. "Have you ever even tried to get along with him?"

"But my father isn't. A. Person," Sam snaps back bitterly. "He is what he is, and I am what I am: the weapon that destroys its user, the bastard son, the necessary child. That's all I am, and I just have to deal with it."

He leans back, dragging a hand through his hair. "So. Can we please call it a truce on the issues-comparing?"

Guppy's question doesn't get a reply. Sam did promise to go easy on the brain-breakage, after all.

"Fine." Guppy says, with an air of disappointment in Sam for giving up on a relationship so pathetically. He gets up.

"I'm going to try and get some sleep without walking all over the place looking for the ants. See you later."

He turns and walks off.

Several seconds later, Sam's drink goes flying across the room, to smash against the wall.

"Oh, stuff this. Fuck it." He stalks across the room, wrenches open the door to his world, and vanishes, slamming the door behind him.

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