milliways_bar | (no subject)

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[OOM: Everything is tangled.]

A shining portal flashes into existence, but there is something clearly wrong with it: it flares once, twice, unstable and very nearly uncontrolled.

From the other side, a soft despairing cry slices through the air-- and then Moiraine falls through the gateway as it sparks and dissolves in silver fire around her.

The slender figure of the Aes Sedai then crumples to the floor and lies there, unmoving.

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"With the instability of the portal?"

Moiraine smiles, very faintly, and sips her tea.

"Myself."

Merriman is silent for a moment.

'Creating a portal of that nature requires a sound and conscious knowledge of both the starting point and the destination.' He says this more for Cooper's benefit than anything else, but it still helps to speak of it aloud in the process of reasoning out his thoughts. 'If either is affected, the magic used to create the portal would be affected as well. And before, you spoke of "paths" -- more than one. If the Pattern is thinning, and your place in it was affected, and you yourself were affected by it....'

Merriman's knowledge of Moiraine's world is not great, but he knows enough of unstable magic to know that it must be able to vent its instability, or it will turn to destruction. And a mortal body, unable to withstand the strain of the instability, will look towards self-preservation when all other hopes have been exhausted.

'It was a last resort, was it not?' More quietly than before. 'A means of escape, that brought you back to a location where your place in an ongoing Pattern was assured?'

She is suddenly very, very still, and as she sets the cup down a fine tremor shivers the surface of the tea.

"It is not precisely the thinning of the Pattern that has affected my place in it," Moiraine says, very softly. "Not precisely. It is more that I am now in too many places at once, and some were perhaps never meant to be woven so."

A single breath, and a slight shrug.

"It was more difficult than I had expected, this time, to distinguish between what was, and what was not, what had been and what might never be."

Dark eyes meet theirs, steadily.

"But it was an escape, yes; perhaps not the last resort, but a desperate measure that I should never have needed to take, had I been more ... clearly aware."

Silence for a moment.

And, Cooper thinks to himself, very aware of Moiraine's lists of who is trustworthy, and who is not, and of Merriman's placement on that list, who is more likely to help, if there's help to be had, if the answer to this isn't good?

"Taking that into account."

The words are quietly asked.

"What happens now for you?"

Her gaze on them both is distinctly measuring, but then Moiraine nods, once, as though coming to a decision.

"I must learn how not to lose myself," she says simply. "Or else I will unravel along with the Pattern that I would see held."

Merriman picks up the teapot, and silently touches up Moiraine's cup of tea. It is not until he sets the teapot down again that he says:

'You told me once that you were assured that the Pattern would not fail before you did,' he says. 'If that assurance still holds, then the path appears to be more clear than it might be otherwise.'

Silence reigns, for several seconds. Moiraine curves her hand around the porcelain of the cup and looks at it, rather than at either of them.

Finally,

"I could not have said it if it were not true, Merriman." A beat. "There are reasons that I believe it to be so."

"If you have to learn to hold it together." Cooper has his arms loosely folded on the tabletop; he's leaning forward on his elbows. "Who can teach you?"

The hesitation is visible to those who know her well, but only just.

"I am already being taught, as it happens. It simply seems that I have more to learn."

'It is never easy to live with a distinct awareness of the fluctuations of Time,' Merriman says solemnly. 'Even less so, if that awareness has physical repercussions. And your own health and well-being are of course imperative in this, physical as well as mental.'

A pause for thought, before he asks, 'If you are already in the process of learning, then what have you been working on thus far?'

If the question comes out in a tone of voice more often used when quizzing students in a tutorial, that perhaps is understandable.

There is another moment of quiet, and in that stillness the Aes Sedai lifts her head and looks first at Cooper, then at Merriman, carefully studying each of them as if searching for something.

When she speaks, her answer is simple -- and yet anything but.

"Holding the Pattern."

Cooper isn't looking at Moiraine. He's looking at Merriman, for clarification, for multiple reasons.

If he was looking for a reminder that he is, in fact, a small mortal --

Well.

Merriman had been on the point of picking up his teacup, but his hands still at Moiraine's reply -- one hand on his cup, the other poised to lift it and the saucer.

Quietly, and cautiously:

'Within yourself?'

Moiraine shakes her head.

"I am not so foolish as to attempt that. But I support where I can, if you see the difference."

"I'm not certain I do." This said quietly. "This -- isn't my area of specialization." A nod to Merriman; a smile that's a touch wry for Moiraine.

It cannot be denied that Merriman looks rather relieved at Moiraine's reply. His teacup finishes its interrupted journey, and he takes a long sip before setting it down again.

'Learning to counteract instabilities as they arise, perhaps? Or to identify potential areas of the same?'

Her answering smile to Cooper is understanding.

"It is not the sort of thing that is innate knowledge, I do not think, but must be learned as other things are." A considered pause, and her glance flicks to Merriman. "Not among most, at any rate. Even those who are ta'veren."

"In any case, you might look at it so--"

Moiraine sets aside her teacup and picks up the cloth napkin that had been provided with the food. With a precise movement, she takes her belt knife and cuts a small slit in it, then spreads it on the table where they can see clearly.

"Here. Consider the tear as a weakness in the Pattern. Even if one cannot repair it, if one is aware of the flaw, then one can alter matters by exerting pressure on connecting threads, like so."

As she speaks, she pulls on different areas of the cloth, placing varying strain on the whole. Some angles open the tear wider; some minimize its very appearance.

He doesn't understand the how of it, but the what is good enough to start with. Cooper nods. "That clears things up a fair amount. Thank you." Beat. "What can we do to help you?"

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