milliways_bar | (no subject)

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OOM: The official unofficial NBS New Year's Bash.

Two guys peer through the open door, one decidedly more surprised at the view of the bar than the other. It's not a bathroom, as previously anticipated. It's not a garage or a broom closet or even a bedroom (with or without a number of people inside cheating on their spouses). The dark-haired one, eyes already a little glazed, steps through. He seems to have lost the ability to close his mouth.

After a long pause, he begins to shake his head. "Oh, I did not just walk into this joke."

Got news for you, Matthew Albie. You just did.

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Look, Matt, there's a slightly drunk brunette heading your way.

"Hiya, Danny!"

Pounce. Kiss. She just misses his lips. And leaves a smear of rather familiar-looking lip gloss.

"Happy New Year!"

Matt stares.

It doesn't make sense.

The bar and then -- this woman -- but, Jordan?

Wait.

Wait wait.

"You." He doesn't even look at the woman yet. "You knew about this?"

Danny grins at April, giving her an absent one-armed hug before turning to glance at Matt.

"No, actually, I've got no idea where we are, which is exactly why she knows my name."

"You," she pokes a finger at Danny's nose, slurring the tiniest bit. "Are a silly silly man. 'Course you know me."

Snuggle.

April's a very affectionate drunk.

Times like these, you've got to compartmentalize. And it's not like either of them have never been in situations where they don't know where they are or who the hell's talking to them. Hollywood is all about faking it, after all.

"Okay, who'd you put up to this? Is this you and Cal thinking you can be funny? 'Cause that's what they pay me for, and I don't appreciate you trying to cut in on my turf. It wouldn't be manly of me to suffer something like that from you."

"Yeah, I wanted to be funny so I put a bar right in the middle of NBS headquarters."

Not to mention that Matt was the one who led them here, not Danny. He's not going to try to chase down whatever weird form of non-logic led Matt to believe this is somehow his fault.

"So... Matt, this is April."

April grins cheerfully and waves.

She really doesn't seem 24. Or was it 23? Damn, now I've forgotten how old she is...

Too young for Matt or Danny, that's for certain.

Matt squints. He's still not convinced.

"How much is he paying you for this? I will double it if you tell me who's in on this with him."

Not really. Her boyfriend's 41.

April headtilts. "I'm not getting paid. That'd be nice. Then Mark wouldn't always have to pay my tab! Though he's got a lot of money now I guess, so it's not that big a deal. I still feel bad though. Wouldn't you?"

Pause for breath.

"Hey, wait, you're Danny's writer friend!" She brightens and gives him a hug.

There's really not much you can do against a hug like that, except bug your eyes a little.

"I--yes, that would be--Danny, what the hell is going on?" He tries to turn around to look behind them for the hallway, but April's still attached, and anyway, the door seems to have shut.

"You know, I'm not entirely sure I can explain that in any coherent fashion. Something about a bar at the end of the universe... Just go with it."

He's just going to stand back and watch Matt-with-April-attached. It's kind of amusing.

"It's Milliways!" April says cheerfully. "People come here from all over, and sometimes they're dead! I'm dead. I slit my wrists, 'cause I got AIDS, but that's a long time ago I've been here almost two years. It's nice here, don't you think it's nice here?"

Really. We apologize.

"I think -- I -- would like to disentangle myself from you now--"

Too bad we don't always get what we want. It's like trying to walk away from a suit of armor.

"Okay!" April detaches and latches onto Danny again.

"Is it midnight yet? Happy New Year!" Shouted to the general vicinity.

"On the west coast? We've got about an hour to go."

And the party would probably go on long after that. He suddenly finds himself very glad they escaped, at least temporarily, from that.

Matt, meanwhile, is standing staring out at the patrons of the bar they're in. It's L.A., so there's no reason not to expect a bunch of weirdos to congregate in one place (how can he judge? he put a man in a lobster costume for the better part of a week). But there are weirdos here that are seriously tugging at his suspension of disbelief. Lions. A chick with tentacles. A skeleton with some sort of Santa outfit on.

He swallows. "Someone put something in my drink, didn't they. Am I seeing this? For real? Danny, what are you not telling me?"

Danny sighs. First it was a trick, now it's hallucinogens. Not that he blames Matt for being baffled by all of this, but...

"Yes, you're really seeing this, and while someone may well have put something in your drink, it's got nothing to do with all of this, because I'm perfectly sober."

He eyes Danny. "Just go with it?"

"And he's been here before!" April says brightly. "I got a drawin' of him t' prove it!" She starts moving towards the table where her sketchbook is and stumbles, giggling.

"Oopsie!"

Danny starts to answer, stops as April speaks up, and watches her for a moment until she stumbles. Then he nods.

"Yeah. Go with it."

Sketchbook grabbed.

Opened.

There's a rather good sketch of a rather bemused-looking Danny, dated sometime in November.

Matt takes a deep breath.

"Well, that's certainly familiar. Who else is there to meet here?"

He's not even going to ask about how many times Danny has been here or what have you. It'll probably merit a very serious discussion the next time he doesn't want to talk about Harriet.

That conversation is derailed by the sketchbook shoved under Matt's nose, though. He bends over to study it. "Hey, this is good. You really got the way he disparages you with but a cock of a single eyebrow."

"He's nice. Told me all about you." Not really. Just about how he's a writer and very important to him.

"There's lotsa people to meet. There's me, an' my boyfriend an' lotsa folks."

Danny may want to point out to Matt exactly who April's boyfriend is.

Danny glances over at Matt and shakes his head a little. "I hardly mentioned you, actually. Don't let it get to your head."

"What, are you trying to hurt my feelings now? The girl was being nice."

"Yeah, Danny." she sticks her tongue out. "I'm bein' nice. Writers gotta stick t'gether. An' anyway I am dating the son of the Steward, I gotta be nice to people!"

There's logic in there somewhere... I swear there is.

"You see, this is why I try to stay away from the writers' room. You're all a little crazy. Though April at least has the excuse of being drunk."

Matt tilts his head. His brain just did a very tidy hop, skip and jump on word association. Steward means custodian...

"You're dating a janitor and that means you have to be nice to people?"

Just be thankful he didn't go with the quip about cleaning up her act. And he's got the double whammy excuse of being both drunk and the head of the writer's room.

April looks insulted. "Boromir is not a janitor. He is a great warrior and a very fine man." And he's mine.

"...Boromir?"

"Yeah-huh!"

Beam.

Matt shoots a Look at Danny. He may remember it from the episode with Whatsherface, Whoosit and Trinket.

Danny just... shrugs. He's never actually met Boromir, but he assumes April isn't crazy and isn't hallucinating that she has a boyfriend from Lord of the Rings, so...

And that's just one more difference between Matt and Danny, ladies and germs. Matt believes that Occam's razor leads us to the inevitable conclusion that April is sweet and enthusiastic, but delusional, and he's happy to leave it there.

"So, April, seeing as my friend here is being his usual charming and taciturn self, what do you say we sit down with an enormous plate of nachos and you become the exposition that this story seems to need right now?"

"Nachos! Nachos are good!"

Bounce bounce. She grabs Matt's hand and drags him over to the Bar.

"Miss Bar, ma'am, could we have a big plate of nachos? And some coke, some coke'd be nice, thank you!"

Lo and behold, there appears a giant plate of nachos and three cokes. And a small plate of cheese fries, because Bar knows April likes those better.

Aaaand Matt's just going to roll with it, like Danny said he should. He's in no state to argue, really, and it's better here than at that other party.

This, he believes, may end up being a conversation he's never had before.

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