milliways_bar | (no subject)

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Lilly is not sulking. Mature dead women of twenty whatever who have stopped counting birthdays because hi, dead, do not sulk.

She might have a back booth, a raspberry vodka and ginger ale and a slightly pouty expression, but it's existentially pouty. After all, when one of your first bar BFFs and one of your first bar boyfriends have just ditched you for heaven, existential pouting is totally appropriate.

It just also sucks.

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Duo mutters something about Puck under his breath, but doesn't elaborate.

"Got any other qualifications? Or are we going for anything that's of age and pretty enough to look at without blinking? I know a nice tree..."

Lilly rolls her eyes.

"Okay, aside from the chocolate you are no help at all. God, I really should have set you up with Puck back in the day."

She starts to smile.

"Hell, I still could."

"No, you really shouldn't have. And no way are you gonna do it now, woman. I got a bone to pick with our Mister Goodfellow, and that's gonna come before any pleasantries. Don't suppose you happen to keep tabs on your wayward husband?"

Lilly rolls her eyes again

"Yes, of course I do, Duo. It's how our marriage works.

My irrepressibly and legendarily mischievous immortal magical fairy husband with the attention span of a toddler on espresso does nothing without checking with me first and waiting for my approval, or at the very least filling me in on every detail afterwards."

Duo puts up his hands in a warding gesture. "I try really hard not to think about what you two get up to, actually. It's the high point of my night when I forget whatever he's been doing lately."

He eyes her suddenly. "Speaking of, I've been hearing about certain love hijinks lately...put some lipstick on that mess, 'cause it was ugly."

"Love hijinks?"

Lilly looks supremely puzzled.

"Ugly ones, at that? In a way that stood out from Bar's normal bizarre love triangles, quadrangles, polygons, star-crossed lovers and sentient, lonely sock puppets?"

"Have you even seen Puck try and get married on purpose before?"

"No, actually," Lilly replies, looking thoughtful.

"I mean, I could totally see him as the Anna Nicole Smith of Milliways Bar though, so I'm not saying it's impossible. Who'd he try to marry, and were they ridiculously wealthy?"

"...you know, I dunno if he's wealthy. But he's Mary Lennox's guardian, if that tells you anything. He and Mary have cat fights of epic proportions. So it's not like it was out of the goodness of his heart."

Duo sighs. "And then I've been hearing about other weird things like that, and I think at this point Puck is my automatic suspect until proved otherwise."

"Ohhh, guilty until proven innocent."

Lilly pauses, and looks all puzzled again.

"Funny, I think they taught it to us the other way around in my world. Huh."

Duo gives her a mild glare. "When he's turned you into a cow, you can act all betrayed on his behalf. And it's not like I can arrest him anyway!"

Pause.

"Just attempt to annoy him as much as he does me."

"And as much as you're going to annoy the person behind the amnesia apples, right?"

Lilly's smiling very sweetly.

"Oh, and whoever caused the yuppie thing, because that got crazy ugly. And you heard about puppetization, right? Wow."

The smile is tinged with concern, now.

"You're going to be really busy, Duo."

He snorts at Lilly, amused now. He can see that logic trap, and he's not stepping into it tonight.

"Fine, fine, gang up on me. See if I ever babysit for you lot."

(That's totally a bluff. He still loves kids, even if those two grow up just like their 'parents'.)

Oh, but it'll still be there. Waiting. Humming the theme from Jaws... or it would if logic traps could hum.

"Aw, Duo."

Lilly lays a hand on his arm sympathetically.

"You don't have to cut yourself off from the kids just because I'm totally right. They're still in diapers, they won't be right about everything for years yet."

"You're too kind, Lilly. Lucky for me, I'm confident in my ability to win debates with people who can't talk just yet."

He's bigger!

"Oh, me too!"

Lilly beams at Duo.

"In fact, I firmly believe that you could win debates against people who can talk. Well. Some of them. Probably. With help. Okay, here's a freebie."

She leans in a little.

"Just get Mike thinking about Mel and chocolate syrup and he'll agree to anything."

Duo's instincts tell him he is being made fun of!

Thanks instincts. You are so useful.

"I'm sure that'll come in handy if I ever meet either of them...?"

Lilly stares at him.

"You've never met Mike or Mel? I mean, okay, Mel is an early-morning/late night type of person, but she has purple hair and a big red stabby thing, and Mike..."

How to best sum up Mike?

"Mike's pretty much a perverted pixie stick with ninja skills. He's co-head bartender and used to be a turtle. Bright shirts. You've never even seen him?"

"I might have seen him, hell, might have even ordered a drink from him. But not really met him, no."

Duo scratches his head.

"Did he bartend when he was a turtle?" He is picturing a turtle without opposable thumbs.

"Probably."

Lilly shrugs. She was never around much when Mike was being a turtle.

"Ninja, after all. They're sneaky with or without the shell."

"...ninja turtle?"

You have to admit, without cultural context, the image is a little odd.

"Hero in a halfshell," Lilly says solemnly.

"There are comic books and everything. I'll leave some at the bar for you, since you seem to be in need of distractions."

Duo would argue that he has plenty of distractions, but. Comic books! They are not unlike the siren call that pie also has on teenage boys.

"I accept your so kind offer." He is magnanimous. "I don't think I've ever read alternate world comics."

Maybe she should have told him about Mike's pastry skills, then.

"Well, starting with Mikey's adventures is a really good idea, then."

Lilly finishes her drink and stands up, having been well entertained if not completely distracted by Duo.

"I'm going to go check on my kids and that pesky husband of mine. See you around, Duo."

"If you don't turn square, Lilly." He grins at her. Well entertained if slightly terrified is pretty much a given with her, too.

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