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[ Sandford, 20 March, 1987: Happy Birthday, Sissy Skinner. Warnings for, er, references. Can you guess to what? ]

A pub is a great place to wind up in when you're having a crappy day. Voluntarily winding up in a pub where it logically would be is even better. Involuntarily winding up in a pub where your house is supposed to be is not so good. Involuntarily winding up in a pub full of animals where your blessedly animal-free house is supposed to be is even worse. It's not the same as being dumped or mocked or seeing off your vehicular baby, but it's definitely not good for one's mental constitution.

Color Simon Skinner, age 37, very WTFBBQ.

Any patron, fuzzy or non, is welcome to tell the tall guy at the door where he is.

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Skinner gives her that "I'MMAKEELU" look.

It is made even more demonic when he suddenly retrieves and lights another cigarette.

"I," he begins, emitting a puff of smoke, "happen to love Sandford. Dearly. More than London or Edinburgh or any of the other towns you bloody tourists only think of."

"Okay, okay," Chloe responds, putting up her hands in defense. "Calm down. I was just saying."

"Well how would you react if someone insulted your city?"

"You do realize that there's a difference between a city like Metropolis and a small town like...um, what was it again?"

Simon lets out an exasperated sigh, scratching his forehead in irritation.

"Sandford."

"All right. Sandford then."

"Yes, there is a physical difference between a village and a city. I presume this is why they are not called by the same name. However, one can grow as attached to a city as they can to a village."

He stops just short of saying "so there."

Chloe has a tendency to rub people that way. It's her specialty.

But instead of arguing more, she just shrugs and turns back to her laptop.

"Whatever."

O-kay.

"How did you say I could find my house?"

"Through that door," she repeats with frustration. "You did walk in here, right?"

"Yes. I did."

Two can play at this bitchy game.

"Then go out it."

Duh.

It is at this point that Simon finally smiles.

It is not a pleasant smile. At all.

"Very kind of you to advise me on a very basic human action. Please, do tell me next how I am supposed to walk. Slowly? Quickly? Confidently? Circularly?"

It's kinda creepy if you ask her. But Chloe's faced worse. Chloe also has the benefit of being best friends to a future superhero.

Chloe? Is so not afraid.

"However you want," she answers cheerfully. "Just walk out if if you want to go home."

"Most excellent."

Skinner pats her on the back! (Though, when Skinner pats people on the back, it tends to hurt.)

"I'll repay such kindness in the future. Good day!"

And with that, he takes himself and his creepy ass smile out of the bar.

To her credit, Chloe doesn't flinch.

Instead, she just mutters "weirdo" and gets back to her work.

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