milliways_bar | (no subject)

(no subject)

Kefka sprawls across several chairs and a table, scowling.

I am bored. When I am bored, I destroy things. Destroying things cheers me up. Kefka smiles thoughtfully.

Last time destroying things got me dead before I destroyed things. This time I need to destroy things before I die. Thus I need to not die. Thus I need to not destroy things. Kefka frowns in concentration.

Thus I need to not be bored. Thus I need to do something with responsibility. Kefka raises one eyebrow.

Those in charge of handing out responsibility are not speaking with me. People with problems to be dealt with are not letting me deal wtih them. Clearly, they want me to be bored. But they don't want me to destroy things. Kefka glares around at nothing in particular. Clearly they are all hypocrites and insane. Kefka nods to himself.

So. Trapped in a bar with a large group of powerful, hypocritical, insane people. What to do?

I think I shall angst. For I am bored. Kefka pouts angstily.

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Buffy brings the angsty Kefka a soda.

Kefka looks at Buffy as she approaches. He attempts to pose and twirl his cape, but is still lying down so it doesn't quite have the effect he's looking for.

"I am Kefka."

She grins at the failed posing and twirling.

"I'm Buffy. You looked like you could use some company."

Kefka raises an eyebrow.

"Are you bar security, a bartender, an available henchman, a kidnappable female lead, a magical source of great power, or a mystical entity beyond all comprehension?" He's honestly curious. It doesn't sound like it'd change how he'd react, but it's good to figure out where the people fit in the labels before talking shop.

"Um..."

She blinks.

"Probably the... mystical entity beyond all comprehension...? People go 'huh?' and 'I thought I was [insert adjective here] a lot at me."

Kefka nods.

"Dream doesn't want to speak with me, and Death doesn't want to talk to anybody, despite the fact that she's being grumpy about it. Delirium makes the most sense of all of them, really, but I haven't seen her around much recently."

Kefka eyes the soda. "You sure you're not a waitress/bartender/kidnappable female lead?" Kefka looks hopeful.

He sighs. "I've been trying to get a job but all the people in charge of hiring are off being injured or whatever. This bar has _no_ organization skills whatsoever."

"I suppose I could be called a female lead, but I'm not very kidnappable. People who try to kidnap me generally end up hurting a lot."

Kefka looks thoughtful. "Now that I think about it, all of the other kidnappable female leads were the same way. I wonder why they were called kidnappable female leads. Seems kind of funny."

She nods sagely.

"Female leads are not as helpless as they used to be."

Kefka looks at Buffy as if she was the first person in the world to propose that the earth was round.

Kefka blinks, and then thinks for a moment.

He sighs. "I wish people would tell me these things. Policies change, and all of a sudden everything's topsy-turvy. I need a guidebook or something."

He frowns. "Tell me, is mind control still in fashion?"

She frowns back, for a completely different reason.

"Um... I guess that would depend on what world you're talking about. It was never 'in fashion' on mine... Some people have tried it, but it made them kinda unpopular."

"Well, yes, I suppose that's to be expected. What I was more wondering was whether people were still trying it, and what their success rate was. It used to be one of the Big Things To Do."

Kefka ponders. "I bet Tim would know. There needs to be a publication or guidebook for evil dictators or something."

Kefka notices Buffy again. "Er. So. They can be stopped easier. Yes." Kefka nods.

She blinks at his evil dictator comment, not believing his backpedaling for one minute because she's encountered that kind of think so often.

In the end, amazingly, she grins.

"I guess that would be useful."

Cause, frankly, its not her world, so she doesn't have to worry about it. And he's not doing it now, so that's fine too.

"And I'm sure, even if it was for the dictators, it would get into the hands of someone who wanted to stop them, and they would take advantage of the information. Cause that's what heroes do. The cheaters."

"EXACTLY!" Kefka gestures wildly with one arm and almost falls off his chairs, but catches himself.

"With their 'saving' and 'equipment' and 'experience'. It's horribly unequal treatment. All I'm saying is that each side should have their organizational skills brought to bear. Like this bar!"

Kefka gestures to take in the bar and all its occupants. "Most of these people don't know the others. There's other worlds, other places, places where mind control works, places where magic doesn't... but has anybody tried to keep track of such things? They've got angels serving beer and sloppily leaking mages on security. It's horrible, I tell you."

She thinks about her current situation with the Roman Demon Mafia.

"Don't evil dictators usually have... thugs, though? I mean, if all heroes have is equipment and experience, against lots and lots of thugs... and sometimes bombs... most of the time, the heroes should lose... logically."

"Bah, thugs aren't worth the money you don't pay them. Have you _tried_ to hire a henchman in this economy? It's horrible. And then you have to fight with the other evil masterminds for applicants, and it's "Oh, do you have a mechanical genius, I'm fresh out." "I'll trade you for two dumb brutes." "Gee, take an arm and a leg too why don't you..." It's horrible. It's so much easier to just create your own minions from magical scrap, but then they're all one-minded and stupid and likely to turn on you. I tell you, it's just not worth it. I've half a mind to go solo next time."

"I... haven't actually. Most of my... er... henchmen... are just loyal. And pretty smart. But soloing is generally a bad idea. There's nobody around to save you if you need it. Gotta have backup."

"See, these are the ideas I need. Would you be interested in a second in command position? We have an excellent health plan."

She blinks.

"I'm... flattered. But not really into the dictatorship thing. I've found that heroing gets me most of what I want... Maybe you should try it sometime. People tend to follow you more if they like you."

She nods happily. Then yawns.

"Oh my. I should go to bed."

"Eh, not so much into the dictatorship thing at the moment. But it is what I've had past experience in, and this place _does_ need some organization."

Kefka blinks. "I didn't realize your injuries were so bad. You really should sign up for the health plan if you need to sleep."

She grins.

"It does. But you don't have to be a dictator to do it. Maybe I could help though. Just not now."

She stands up and waves, heading out the door.

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