(no subject)

[not-toothfairy.livejournal.com]

The elevator door to the Milliways garage slides open on the THX sound played in reverse, more or less. With a grunt Ironhide stalks over to the other side of the elevator and picks up the object he left on the floor there: a GD-XR-1 ruggedized laptop computer. Without a word he stalks over to one of the better lit tables, hooks up a heavily modified mouse with enough buttons to make an air traffic controller whistle, and clicks his way through a sequence of security menus and instructions. A few moments later, the opening sounds and music associated with Civilization IV: Beyond The Sword fill the air.

He'll be playing as Bismarck of the Germans, if anyone happens to glance at the screen. If you can call fumbling through the tutorial with an air of life-or-death grimness playing.

This is srs bizniz.

Comments

[thechaosbringer]

Strength is busy with Belar, Rad won't come along unless he's beyond positive he can go five minutes MINIMUM without so much as cracking a smile, so you get....

...that's right...

I suppose the curse could only go so long before it reared its ugly head again...

[not-toothfairy.livejournal.com]

Well, yes. Exactly how ugly are we talking here? Hyena ugly or pointy orange ugly? Not that it matters; Ironhide's optics are on the screen. It's only his other sensors that let him know he's got the most hostile company in the history of the universe.

Yeah, he's saving his game now and then looking up.

[thechaosbringer]

The icon will tell you what brand of ugly it is today.

He growls audibly. When he copied Frostbite's body, he copied all of it save the spark.

So.

Plenty of animal growly.

And.

Actually Ironhide? You might want to turn around.

[not-toothfairy.livejournal.com]

That was next on the list of things Ironhide had to do, yes.

"... so that's what Bumblebee was talking about," he finally manages when the speech queue comes back online.

[thechaosbringer]

YES IT IS, ISN'T IT?

Still talks pretty much like he always does.

FROSTBITE WAS INFERIOR EVEN BY YOUR PEOPLE'S STANDARDS, BEING A BEAST-MODED PRIMITIVE, BUT HIS FORM HAS DISTINCT AND ADMITTEDLY PLEASING FEATURES.

The saw on the arm that also represents the mane of hair on a real hyena whrrrrrs a little.

[not-toothfairy.livejournal.com]

We would never expect any less.

Ironhide grunts, his optics flicking to the saw a moment and then away. They'll be back after he's assessed the rest of the form's immediate threat potential- and then multiplied the result by twelve, on the assumption that it never hurts to guess you missed something.

[thechaosbringer]

Good idea, because while it's a perfect replica structurally, other modifications were made to it in other areas.

It's just a little ... more ... in some ways.

AN IDEAL KILLING MACHINE FOR SMALL-SCALE WORK. PITY THAT ITS MAIDEN RUN WAS ABORTED BY UNDESIRED INTERFERENCE.

[not-toothfairy.livejournal.com]

Ironhide tends to assume everything's been modded in some way he doesn't expect, and that assumption seldom disappoints. It's a big part of why he's still alive.

"Ain't that a shame," he murmurs, and remembering that mechs from Rad's universe have better subspace tech than just what the Bar does, revises the threat potential upwards again just in case.

[thechaosbringer]

Like the narrator said on that National Geographic doc on the monkeys living in and around an Indian temple to Hanaman[?], "old" and "smart" are two things you don't get to be without learning to get by, and in this case, two things you don't get to be by underestimating your enemies.

YOUR SARCASM NOT WITHSTANDING, I LEARNED MUCH ABOUT ITS CAPABILITIES AND CAPACITIES. I SHALL BE DEPLOYING IT IN THE FUTURE.

Subspace? Oh yes. Since it's brought up yes that's something likely to be made full use of and then some.

[lissla-lissar.livejournal.com]

When Lissar enters (looking rather like her carefully folded pile of cloth is going to eat her) she heads for the same table Ironhide is at and settles down next to him. When she's managed to free a hand she touches his face lightly in greeting, then goes back to figuring out the seams on Ratchet's coat-to-be. "Ironhide, greetings."

[not-toothfairy.livejournal.com]

Ironhide glances up from the keyboard at the touch and dips his head briefly in return. "Lissar. Working on something for Ratchet, huh?"

It's either that or she's... well, with all that cloth she could conceivably be building Bumblebee a parachute.

[lissla-lissar.livejournal.com]

"The coat, yes. Like a doctor's, with red crosses." Lissar agrees, curling up with her back along his side and setting stitches into it, "And what is it that you have?"

[not-toothfairy.livejournal.com]

"A training simulation." Ironhide pushes the computer around so that she can see the screen clearly. "It's for teaching humans how to run an empire. You begin with one group of warriors and one group of settlers, and you have to guide them through all their history, get 'em to develop technology, show 'em where to get resources and food from. That kind of thing."

He's currently got one city (Berlin) and a couple of warrior units, one of which is standing between some barbarian warriors and a unit of workers building a road.

[lissla-lissar.livejournal.com]

"We have a large kingdom." Lissar assures him, "Do you remember the yellow city?" she pauses for a moment, long enough for him to hear a faint giggle...she's never going to get tired of teasing him about his memory, "The whole of it could fit within my father's castle."

[not-toothfairy.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, well, you gotta learn how to survive and spread before you get a large kingdom," Ironhide grumbles. "These people knew how to hunt, make roads, and mine stuff out of the ground when I started. They have to figure out how to do everything else if they expect to survive."

The barbarian unit attacks, and while the struggle is nearly evenly matched, at the end Ironhide's unit is still standing. Minus two of the three club-carrying warriors, but still standing. He peers at the tutorial's options and clicks on a jug with a red cross on it.

"I just ordered them to fortify their position until they've repaired their own damage. Can't protect the workers or the city worth a bucket of ore in their current state... See that blue haze around the city? That's my kingdom's border so far."

[lissla-lissar.livejournal.com]

"I see it." Lissar says, peering around his arm with interest, "Do all of the tribes begin with the same things?"

[not-toothfairy.livejournal.com]

"Nah. They can all build roads, but the other two things vary." He thinks for a moment as the workers move on to the next square and start laying a road down there. "Some of 'em start off knowing how to farm, or fish-"

The thing with early turns in Civ is that there's very little to be done in them. Two taps of the spacebar later, Leonard Nimoy's voice intones, "Oh farmers, pray that your summers be wet and your winters clear."

"Guess that means they figured out agriculture."

He's looking for something he recognizes on the technology list, but slag these people are primitive. The Wheel looks kind of appealing, though.

[mendanddefend_archive]

Bob glances at the screen as he walks by, and double-takes so hard that he almost falls over.

"...what are you doing?"

[not-toothfairy.livejournal.com]

"Training sim," says Ironhide. "Optimus recommended it for learning to run a human empire."

What? It makes sense to him.

[mendanddefend_archive]

"So, not a Game, then?" Bob looks relieved.

[not-toothfairy.livejournal.com]

"No sprites in my world," Ironhide reminds Bob. "Just Isaac. This is a computer from my world. Nobody inside."

[mendanddefend_archive]

"Oh. Right. Sorry, force of habit."

A beat.

"...why are you learning to run an empire?"

[not-toothfairy.livejournal.com]

"Because," Ironhide says, "according to the laws and customs of Lissar's people, I'm the slagging heir to her father's kingdom."

[mendanddefend_archive]

Blink.

Blink.

"Okay, start by telling me who Lissar is exactly?"

[not-toothfairy.livejournal.com]

"Her full name's Lisa Lissar these days," says Ironhide. "Used to be Lissla Lissar. Princess from a kingdom like something out of an Earth sp- fairy tale." He'd almost said 'sparkling', as in new and naive incepts. "White hair, white skin, gold eyes- seen her?"