milliways_bar | (no subject)

Gil steps out for a few moments to dump a load of vegetable peelings in the composting bin and he sniffs then looks round and notices Suti.

"What?" he says, "Happened - to - you."

He is talking behind muffling hands since his mun has decided the nameless goo is stinky - Sorry, Soots, but there it is.

"Gil!" Asar-Suti says, looking up. "Those dreadful plants growing over everything got me, and those revolting little magic-resistant dough slugs. I think my garden is finished, underneath all that jungle."

"That's just dreadful," Gil says. "Hasn't anyone got any idea how to get rid of them?"

"They're looking for psychics now," Asar-Suti says, wiping smelly goo off his face. "I hope that helps. There's a notice. But I'm not a psychic, I'm a god, and I'm just bloody useless here!"

He hangs his head.

"My garden is ruined, and I can't do a thing -- so what if I'm really a Dark God of Awesome Powers? These vermin just laugh at me!"

"If they are thoroughly mundane maybe mundane methods are needed to deal with them," Gil suggested. "For instance - salt?"

"If we salt the plants, then everything else is going to die as well, is it?" Asar-Suti says. "It's not as if it's not most likely dead already..."

A drop of green goo drips on the floor, and Asar-Suti absentmindedly wipes at it with his gooey wellie boot.

"What have you got to lose?" Gil asks. "If everything you planted is already dead, we can salt with impunity and if that works you'll get rid of the new plants and then I can charm the salt back out of the soil and you can plant for the winter. If we don't - I'll need to find some recipes to exploit this stinking crop. It must be good for something."

"It hits back," Asar-Suti says. "It's really dangerous and aggressive. If I find whoever brought those plants here, I'm going to go divine on their ass!"

"How do you mean it fights back?" Gil asks. "You mean like briars bouncing back when you hack at them?"

"Only faster, so it hits and lashes at you," Asar-Suti says. "It's been really nasty to Chase, one of my garden helpers. Dangled him upside-down. The Goth isn't letting his cats outside any more, either. If they know what's good for them, they'll leave the rats alone, tough."

"None of my people have reported any problems," Gil says. "They go out and they come back. Ungooed. Maybe ignoring the plants is the key to getting around amongst them? How are the people coping who have to go outside?"

"Badly, as far as I know," Asar-Suti says. "It's really nasty. Perhaps the rats know all the right secrets again, like the time of the quakes when they all left, and then got back with the babies all grown?"

"It wouldn't surprise me," Gil said. "When you think how infrequently the kitchen has been troubled hen the rest of the bar gets wrecked regularly. Basically the customers need foor and that means someone has to cook it and serve it and that means the rats."

Asar-Suti smiles a goo-covered smile at that. "Did the kitchen get steam-punked at all, in March, when everything turned into weird early 20th century science fiction stuff?" he asks.

"Not really," Gil says. "Oh, some of the equipment got a bit ornate and steam driven but basically everything worked as normal."

"You're right, they got firm priorities in place," Asar-Suti says. "When everything else is overgrown and full of dough run amok, the kitchen is probably still going to be safe."

Beat.

"Unless the rats kick me out for stinkiness."

"WEll you need a wash then," Gil points out. "Go on in and run yourself a bath and I'll bring in some coffee and cookies. I've been baking. Ginger ones."

Asar-Suti gets up, wearily.

After this mess outside, even a purple god gets weary.

"I think that's a good idea," he says. "I'll kiss you when I'm goo-free, unless you don't mind being stunk up as well?"

"I still have dinners to cook," Gil points out with a grin, "and I have a feeling that smell might transfer. You go and wash and I'll bring in something nice for you."

"And I get a kiss when I'm clean?" Asar-Suti says, hopefully.

"You get a kiss when you're clean," Gil said with a chuckle. "Damn, those plants are even interfering with our love life now. Something needs to be done!"

"Definitely!" Asar-Suti says, grimly. He sighs at Gil with a 'sorry-I-cant-kiss-you-on-account-of-goo' sort of expression, then trots off in direction of their quarters.

Gil looks around at the jungle plants with a grin and a shrug. "Live and let live," he says, "unless you piss off a god, then you better damn well be fire proof."

And he trots back inside as well.

Busy busy busy.

Chase has moved onto plan B.

So he deposits a few buckets full of uprooted plants a little way from Asar-Suti, grabs some more buckets and goes back in.

If you can't get rid of the villain, it's time to try evacuation...

"What are you doing?" Asar-Suti asks, looking up.

Chase stops when he brings his next buckets out, also full of uprooted plants. There's already a fair stack of buckets in his pile.

"Sorry boss, I couldn't kill the jungle thing." he says, putting the buckets down. "So I've been uprooting all the plants I can to try and keep them alive."

Asar-Suti gets to his feet.

"Some of them won't survive it," he says, "but the jungle would kill them all. We might try and salvage the rose bushes, cut them back when the flowers die -- which they will! -- and then plant them again next year. You're right -- nothing else to be done!"

"We could get seeds or bulbs... which ones are the roses?"

"They have thorns," Asar-Suti says. "And they're not propagated by bulbs or seeds; they're propagated by cuttings that are grown into seedlings. Saving the bushes is the way to go. They have to be cut back cruelly every year anyway, after flowering."

"Grab and run then?"

"Can you try keeping the jungle plants off long enough for me to dig up the roses?" Asar-Suti asks.

"Um, okay."

Chase debates on whether to arm himself with a spade, and decides to use his hands instead. He steps towards the plant and yells out.

"Hey! Ugly vines! Big stupid plant that stinks like a cow's butt! You wanna piece of me?"

He kicks one of the vines, then starts drawing them over to give Asar-Suti a ten foot or so gap.

Asar-Suti knows which the best roses are; and those that aren't totally smothered by the jungle vines yet, he digs up, very quickly, with the spade.

He can replant them into pots later; now, his just digs them up with the roots.

Much of the area that the plants have vacated, trying to get at Chase, has already been destroyed and is wilting, helplessly, all the flowers starved without light.

Chase tries to draw different but nearby areas of jungle plant off to give Asar-Suti more time.

The plant, eventually getting really pissed off, decides to solve this intrusion by sending its vines at Chase from all directions.

There is a loud swear word, then a thump. Then the vines begin to come after Asar-Suti instead.

"Run!" Asar-Suti calls to Chase, gathering up the plants he dug up, and making a run for it as well.

Chase, who after being smacked from all directions, found himself face down on the floor, looks up and shields his head.

He rolls sideways as another vine tries to squash him, then tries to get back. The vines ripple around him in almost a cagelike manner, before an extra vine begins trying to play whack-a-runaway with him.

He dodges a number of these attempts, trying to get out of the sides, then tries punching and kicking the plant. The whacking vine hits him hard on the shoulder, knocking him back.

Asar-Suti puts the uprooted roses beside the back door, then quickly comes back to rescue Chase, whacking the vines with his spade as he sprints along towards his helper under attack.

The vine trying to pummel Chase is covered with spiny teeth by now, and whilst he's putting up as good a fight as he can, it's definitely winning.

The vine hits him hard on the shoulder again, and he drops down. Since he's no longer fighting back, the plant seems to lose interest in him and eases off.

Asar-Suti grabs him by the arm and hauls him to his feet.

"Run!" he exclaims. "Just run!"

The back of his head is bleeding, but Chase manages to follow Asar-Suti out. He curses under his breath and rubs the back of his head.

"Thanks. Did you get your plants?"

"Yes," Asar-Suti says. "Thanks for the idea -- that was dangerous, but helpful."

"You're welcome." Chase says, wiping the head blood on the back of his shirt.

"You got enough to save the garden?"

"I hope so," Asar-Suti says.

Chase nods. Well, that's something anyway. No plants would put a dent in his job security.

"I can try'n get you some more from in there, but not today."

Because he now has a headache and a bruised pride.

"Definitely not today!" Asar-Suti says.

Beat.

"Let's take these inside, to a safe place."

"Okay." Chase picks up some buckets.

And off they go, covered in goo and generally defeated.-