milliways_bar | (no subject)

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Two Men in Black come striding in through the Door like they own the place.

Which, of course, they don't. They're only staking claim to that bottle of Eli Lockhart 15-year bourbon on the topmost of top shelves behind Bar.

Zed, of course, is growling along the way: "Parker's got him all pumped up for a double-album this time."

"Well, the Colonel always did want the King thinking big."

"Thinking big is fine. But a breakbeat remix of 'Viva Las Vegas'? Surprised my brain made it to the second verse without imploding."

K chuckles. "Got to move with the times, Chief."

"Move? How? The guy's wolfed down so many peanut butter and banana sandwiches, it's going to take another Dentazi bulk freighter to get him out on tour."

"Now, now,..."

[tiny tag: wilbur whateley]

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Wilbur waves. "Hey thar, Zed. Who's yer friend?"

Zed's immediate reaction is...well... there you go.

Fortunately, he gets a grip within a milli-second.

"K. This is... Wilbur Whateley."

K might possibly be staring, if only for a moment.

"--How're you doing there,...Wilbur?"

"I'm awlright." He grins. "Buy yew a drink? If I recawll right, yer fond o' bourbon . . ."

K points. "That bottle right up there."

Zed grunts. "Only thing makes this fucking nuthouse bearable."

And, sure enough, two glasses are waiting at the bar by the time the men get there. Bar knows the score.

Wilbur grins at Zed. "Yew tell him about me, ur shall I?

"An' a Confewsion fer me, please, Bar."

A yellow-orange drink appears next to him.

"I got the briefing," K nods. "How's the bar treating you?"

"Nawt tew bad. An' thar's certainly naw lack o' interestin' thin's around here!"

He gives Kay a friendly smile.

Zed nods dully. "Got that right at least."

The place might drive him nuts, but he has to give it 'interesting' at least.

"So, Wilbur," K asks. "If you don't mind my asking: how'd you end up coming here?"

Wilbur sighs. "Gawt mysalf kilt. Mauled by a guard dawg. Animals hate me, fer reasons yew kin probably guess. Sew I'm stuck here."

"Ah, damn," K shakes his head. "That's a tough break, and no mistake."

"I know thet, trust me." He laughs. "Et's awlright. People ur nice tew me en Milliway's, yew know? I'm strange, even here, but nawt thet strange."

"No, that's the truth all right," K agrees.

"At least until dear old Dad shows up," Zed mumbles.

Wilbur raises an eyebrow at him. "Oh?"

"So, Wilbur. Found a room upstairs yet?" Zed butts in.

No way in hell does he want to get into this guy's family relations.

"Ayuh, I did." He grins. "Et's the 'un wit en Escher poster awn the door, next ter the sign thet says 'Kip Out Ef Yew Value Yer Sanity."

Zed has a Suzi attachment briefly, then K does.

It's been a while, but she hugs just the same, and she's already going, "...and so they put the guns away and Bish got them to give us things and Whistler asked if they could give me a chance to take the citizenship test and I can and it's going to be soon which is everything I ever wanted since I knew about it enough to want and I was wondering if the proctor sees my arm by accident should I flashything him and I thought that I could ask you."

Naturally, both MiBs were able to keep up with that.

"Neuralyzer the proctor?" K replies. "Well, it can't hurt."

"And don't worry about those pinheads in Immigration," Zed adds. "They give you any trouble, you let us know."

Hell, half the time they don't even realize which species they're letting in.

Suzi beams at them both. "You are both so sweet!" they are informed.

Yes, Zed, that means you too. "How long has it been for you? It was only a week and a half for us but months and months for other people and you need to tell me what's been going on because I'm suddenly horribly worried about everyone except that you're zlinning pretty good."

K ponders. "I'd put it near five months. You didn't run into trouble, now, did you?"

"Only the part where the men from the government held guns on me, but they were only waiting for Whistler and everyone to get back?" Suzi offers, "I think they were as scared of me as I was of them except for the nager thing that made me as scared of them as they were of me plus?"

It takes Zed about three seconds to contemplate 57 horrific fates for those g-men if he ever finds them. And then another 29 after he neuralyzes them.

"With Whistler all that time, huh? How's he doing?"

"And how's Mother?" Zed adds with a grin that the man probably wouldn't like at all.

Suzi knows you love her, Zed.

"Uh huh! He's doing fine! He's very happy to be coming back here again? And Rachel left us a lot of money so he's not worrying as much?"

Then she siiiiighs, "Mother still hasn't forgiven me for cleaning his 'fridge.

"I wanted to burn it."

"Suzi, with what he probably had in there, I'll bet there isn't a fire marshall alive who'd blame you."

And that goes for about three dozen planets too.

"Worrying as much?" K asks. "What was he worrying about before?"

"Just normal money problems?" Suzi says, "Bish's operation is very good at what they do but they don't get a lot of work? But now we have plenty and we don't have to worry? I'm going to open a jewellery shop when I get my citizenship."

"Sounds like a fine idea," K replies. "Won't take you long to build up an inventory, if I remember right."

Zed grins--sorry, Suz--"Hell, we might even be able to supply a few imports on the side."

So what if they lean on Jeebs for that? As Zed often points out, life is not fair.

Suzi only gets a little bit of an eye-twitch at the grin, and leans up to kiss each of them on the cheeks, "That is so sweet! Thank you, I'll pay fairly for them, but having some more starter pieces would be very nice."

Zed pulls his MiBlackberry and starts mashing buttons.

"I'm sure we can work something out. Hell, couldn't ask for a more reasonable landlord than Zed, right?"

K turns to Bar with a grin. "No offense."

Suzi giggles, hands over her mouth a little bit while she does, and leans cheerfully up against K. "Zed is perfectly reasonable!" she points out.

You just have to outlast the purple.

"More reasonable than some," Zed growls, eyeing Bar with a glare that means no end of offense to the Management.

"So where're you planning to settle down and open up this business of yours, Darlin'?"

"Oh, San Francisco." Suzi says, nodding firmly, "Although if it works out well I might think about opening franchises in other cities or on other worlds."

"Well, you've got friends in the right places. But let's get that first place up and running first. 'Least you won't have to worry about security."

Not with Whistler around, let alone the MiB.

"I have friends almost everywhere." Suzi says without pride. It's just true, "And it's easy to make more? I'll be asking you to come through before Whistler and Bish check things over? For a preliminary security check?"

Both Men in Black chuckle.

"Security check. Right," Zed replies.

"I do pity the bunch that tries to rob you the first time," K muses.

Because once the word gets out, there's not likely to be a second.

Suzi beams at them in a manner which makes it quite clear that while she's a very warm and loving person who genuinely likes people she's not an idiot, "I don't. It's something that Sime just don't have to deal with, and I don't have any patience for it."

Zed eyes K. "You might want to wait until you see what we'd have happening to them before you say that."

Suzi blinks at him and says, "Most criminal punishment in my era's Sime culture is death by attrition."

The Men in Black eye her for that.

"Attrition?" K asks. "Can't say I've heard of that one."

Zed shakes his head too.

And Suzi gets the gold star for stumping not one, but two MiBs!

Suzi looks away and says, "That's when they don't let you take Transfer."

K and Zed blink in unison.

"Your culture plays for keeps, Darlin'," K adds.

"Low technology." Suzi says, shaking her head, "We can't build anything that can hold a Sime."

Zed nods. "Procedural blindspot for us most of the time. Don't run into too many situations anymore where we don't have the tech we need."

He looks at K. "Good reminder to take back to the trainees--stifle the snap judgments until you're damn sure you've assessed the situation."

"And if the Sime doesn't die, they'll probably end up killing anyone who tries to give them transfer." Suzi points out.

"Can't imagine you get too many cases like that."

"Death by long, drawn out torture is a surprisingly effective way to keep people from breaking the law." Suzi agrees.

Zed emits a rumble of approval.

K smirks and, with a look to the rafters, takes a drink.

Suzi giggles a little bit at both of them, "It's very good to see you again. I missed both of you."

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