milliways_bar | (no subject)

"Could I? I'd like that, if you wouldn't mind. I just hate feeling like I'm always dumping shit in your lap. You're welcome to talk to me about whatever, too."

He puts his hand in Billy's hair, brushing it back slowly.

"Teddy. Teddy, teddy, teddy," He's whispering the name like a chant into Teddy's ear. "What's important to you is important to me. I want to here anything you think about. I love you, okay, and that's what that means."

"Alright," he says, the repeating of his name over and over again putting a rather dazed grin on his face. "Well. I told you that I was conscious? For all of it, almost. As soon as he put me up like I was being crucified, almost... then I woke up, and... well, I could recall every blade well enough to describe them to Larxene.

"And, the worst part, was that they had you. I couldn't open my eyes, I couldn't react, but I was conscious, and there was nothing I could do to make it better for you, at all. I don't want to say one of us had it worse than the other, because we didn't. I had to suffer, and watch you suffer for me, and you had to be taunted into becoming what you hated. And... oh, Billy, sometimes it makes me doubt this whole war. Not to the point of going to the Initiative, but... oh, god, things shouldn't be this way. I can handle anything as long as I can know you're safe, but..." he sighs.

"Oh," Billy's sobbing into his shoulder. "That sick bastard. Those bastards. This is-- it's not fair, Teddy. They shouldn't be asking us to do this." He digs his nails into Teddy's back. "They were trying to protect us, or whatever, but the minute they need soldiers for their stupid little war--"

"I know. I fight because it's the only thing I can do, but... I told Karolina we respect the Runaways." He rubs Billy's back, trying to comfort Billy, and ends up clutching him as well. "And we do. They don't need anyone, and no one begs them to come to heel. I know we need approval. But I'm tired of still getting treated like nothing, even despite all we've been through, before most of them even thought of heroing."

They're clinging to each other. The Nobodies have stilled -- as much as they ever do -- and are watching, tense.

"They didn't even -- look at us when we came back from the Cube. Like we were nothing."

"No. Because they were ashamed. Being captured doesn't happen to them, to us. They'll pick us up again when they need us, like toys. Like we're no better than the New Warriors."

Billy chokes a little, at that. "How did it come to this? These guys are supposed to be these big heroes, not-- not cowards. Who let k-kids suffer."

"Because they're fighting a war, but their hearts aren't in it. They didn't expect anyone to actually get hurt, oh no. Because S.H.I.E.L.D. and all their sick fucks are just running around with kid gloves on.

"Oh, that's right. They forgot that rule of engagement."

Teddy's fists are clenched behind Billy's back now; he can't help it. He managed to pry one open to put on the nape of Billy's neck, bringing his head back so Teddy could kiss him.

Billy's kiss is hard and shaking, all teeth and tears and no tenderness -- he can't manage it right now. They've been betrayed, by the people he idolized. It hurts. It hurts so bad.

Teddy breaks the kiss, putting his finger to Billy's lips, tracing them. "Shhh. It's going to be alright. We can stay here as long as we need," Teddy coos, bringing Billy's head to his chest. "Shh. We're safe, here. Thanks to you."

There are people who would try to make it otherwise, but Billy nods shakily. "Safe," He repeats. "Safe." He's wrapped in Teddy's arms and feels so much better. "I'm sorry. You were-- trying to talk. And I freaked out."

"It's fine, don't worry about it. I freaked out, too." Teddy clutches him tighter, and rubs his back. "Anything else you want to talk about, honey?"

"I-- Teddy. I have -- something to tell you."

"What is it, Billy?" He keeps his expression and tone neutral, not wanting to scare him off.

"I--" Billy licks his lips. This is going to hurt either way. Like pulling a band-aid, he tells himself. "I kissed. Xaldin. Twice. Nothing else happened."

"Oh, Billy... that's what's had you messed up, isn't it." Teddy sighs, not knowing quite how to put this. "I... it doesn't matter to me--wait, that's not right."

He takes a deep breath.

"Billy. No one's perfect; I understand this better than most. If you made a few errors in judgment, or even if you wanted it--it's your decision. I'm not going to yell at you for something that you enjoyed, and I'm certainly not going to bitch at you like some overpossessive girl. That's just not the way I think. Regardless of whether you think it was right or wrong, I understand. Because I've done worse, and I've had to get over that." Even though he obviously hasn't. "Okay?"

"It was a mistake." It hurts a little that Teddy's not upset, even though he knew he wouldn't. He wants overposessive. "It was wrong, and -- I thought I was helping him. I don't want to hurt you. Ever. God I am so sorry, if I could take it back--"

Teddy sighs. He's going to have to do this, isn't he.

"Billy? Can you do me one favor?"

Billy studies Teddy's face, biting his lip. "Y-Yeah?"

Teddy raises his voice a little--no, a lot. "Shut. The. Hell. Up. You are fucking worth it, and if you weren't, we wouldn't even be having this conversation." He takes a deep breath.

The next bit is softer, under his breath. "Now shut up and kiss me, you sillyperson."

Billy winces away a little, like he's afraid Teddy's going to hit him. The relief on his face is visible, though, and he falls back into Teddy's arms. "Oh thank God."

Teddy hugs him back, but he's still waiting.

For, you know.

Billy's kiss is hesitant. He's not sure if he's forgiven, and if he is he's not sure that he should be. But he's too selfish to point that out.

And Teddy's lips break from Billy's, for a second. The hesitance scares him, a little.

"Billy. I... shouldn't have been direct like that. If you don't want this right now, I can understand that. I really can. You don't have to do this because you don't think you deserve me. I'll... understand, if..." he doesn't want to follow that sentence to its logical conclusion.