milliways_bar | (no subject)

Entry tags:

edward cullen

(no subject)

You know what proves to be problematic?

An eye patch on a cyclopean mutant.

CRASH!

"HALP!"

[TAG CERTIFIED 100% SCURVY FREE: Turanga Leela, Wilbur Whateley, Teddy Altman]

OOC: OPEN FOR TAGS FOREVERRRRRR ZOMG TLAPD YAY!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"Et's the same thin', really." He chuckles.

"Devil may cry, ain't that interestin'," she remarks.

"Imagine y'could get drunk a lot quicker that way. Only got t' one mouth, my own self, but tonight I feel like I could do fer more."

She gulps her grog for emphasis.

"I'm crazy enough sober.

"Ayuh? An' why es thet?"

"M'life is crazy 'nough as it be, w'tout Bar messin' with me on top o' it all," she explains.

"Whut's bin happenin' lately?"

"I work fer a delivery company that ain't makin' any deliveries," she grumbles.

"Half me coworkers arrrre missin', most days. And me wallet's lookin' mighty empty, if ye catch my meanin'."

Thank god Bar works with a tab.

"An' why ur they missin'?"

Wilbur is highly entertained by yet further proof that the multiverse is insane.

Leela's feet go up on the Bar as she ponders this.

"Bender's prob'ly out gamblin', er robbin' some poor sot. Prolly roped Fry into tagging along. Bloody blighters, if they've got themselves thrown in the stocks, I ain't comin' t' get them out."

She eyes Wilbur.

"Ye ever have t' worry 'bout friends like that?"

"Never had any befer I came tew Milliway's." Wilbur shrugs.

"What'd ye do w' yer time, then?"

"Read my gran'fathers Black books, mostly. Listened tew him ramble awn about the End o' Mankind an' why he approved o' et thoroughly. Chased after my crazy mother when she wandered awff somewhar. Tried--fruitlessly--ter milk the sickly, bloodless cows awn the farm. Halped rebuild the house when et gawt tew smawll. Eventually gawt mysalf kilt tryin' ter destroy the world." He grins. "Gran'father would've bin proud, I'm sure."

Well that's interesting.

"The devil y' wanna destroy t' world fer?"

"Because my mother was insane, my gran'father was a cultist, my Father was a monster from beyond spacetime, my brother was even weirder-looking than me, an' ever'un alse en my life hated me."

Wilbur laughs. "Et was kinda . . . unavoidable, yew know?"

"I grew up inna orphanage, t' only one-eyed alien in t' whole universe, mocked and hated by me peers m' whole life, 'fore I started workin' for Planet Express, 'n 'fore I found out I was really a mutant."

She takes another swig of alcohol.

"Never wanted to destroy t' blasted world, tho."

"Ayuh--but yew weren't told et was yer duty, either."

"If'n I was told it be my duty by a mother turned insane, a cultist gran'daddy, a father consider'd a monster from 'beyond space-time,' a strange brother, er anyone else harboring ill content t'wards me, I'd be inclined to tell 'em all to shove off, if y' catch my meanin'."

She tips her glass to him with a stern look.

Don't take crap from no one.

"They whar the 'uns who were nice ter me," says Wilbur. "The 'uns whut didn't know about et whar the mean 'uns."

"Well, I think I speak fer all here when I say I'd be much obliged if ye refrained from tryin' t' destroy t' world again."

She taps the bar and a glass of water pops up, which she slides over to Wilbur as a gesture of kindness.

"Promise we here be kinder folk than all that, mate."

"Wal, et seems ter have ended fairly wal awlready," says Wilbur, waving to the Window. He chuckles.

"Any apocalypse happenin' while I'm safe inside with me booze is a good one," Leela agrees.

[ooc: fade soon?]

(Sure)

"Exactly, exactly." Wilbur nods mock-seriously. "A very good one."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only