milliways_bar | (no subject)

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Mike isn't so much seated at Bar as he is slumped over her. He hates days like today. You know the kind, where what you've been putting off all week just has to be done.

The concern du jour is the lack of writing on this week's Happy Hour schedule. There's just no amount of squinting that's going to make writing magically appear on the calendar before him, and he knows it.

It's just unfair the way the universe works, you know? That procrastination can't continue indefinitly.

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Mike ponders that for a moment or two...and then smiles.

"Yeah...do that. And then like...you two could wrestle."

"Covered in oil or just regular?"

"That depends. Are either of you allergic to tree nuts?"

"No, I don't think we are.

"Peanut butter's awfully hard to get out of hair, though. Before your imagination runs too wild."

"I think those are actually legumes, and not true nuts...but that's neither here nor there. I was thinking more along the lines of almond oil. Just as slick, but edible and delicious."

"Hm . . ." Jack leans his chin on his hand as he thinks about this. "Are you planning on charging admission or just keeping this a private show?"

"Hmmm. I'm not sure. Do you usually get performance anxiety?"

"No, not usually."

"Either way, that's totally your call. Though...I will say that all profits would go to the Phil or Joe Manco Fund."

"I've heard of the Joe Manco Fund, but I have no idea what the Phil is."

"It's like Joe Manco, but for kids. Though, unlike the Manco fund no requests need be made. Anyone under the age for their home world has their tabs automatically covered by Phil."

"Ah, that makes sense. sure, why not. Naked wrestling in oil for a cause is better than naked wrestling in oil for its own sake."

"And both are better than naked wrestling for your own personal gain, not that I'm knocking that as an idea either."

"Oh, no, naked wrestling should always be done only for altruistic purposes."

"Really? Is the alternative morally wrong, or just tacky?"

"Just tacky, I would have to say."

"Tacky for the people involved? Or for the ones actually making the profit?"

He stops and considers. "Well, maybe not always for altruistic purposes. I suppose naked oiled wrestling for purely selfish reasons can still have some kind of redeeming social value. You know, like eating cookies. There's not point to that except for eating cookies."

He sighs. "Which is my roundabout way of saying, hey, this joke has gotten out of hand."

Mike blinks.

"We were joking?"

Jack's mouth does a flappy thing for a moment.

"I thought we were."

"I don't joke about almond oil."

"Well," says Jack, regrouping, "I'd have to clear it with Evan."

"Excellent! I'll have Mel empty out the inflatable pool just in case."

"Okay," Jack says cautiously, "but Evan may not like it."

"Nothing ventured, nothing gained."