milliways_bar | (no subject)

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Mike isn't so much seated at Bar as he is slumped over her. He hates days like today. You know the kind, where what you've been putting off all week just has to be done.

The concern du jour is the lack of writing on this week's Happy Hour schedule. There's just no amount of squinting that's going to make writing magically appear on the calendar before him, and he knows it.

It's just unfair the way the universe works, you know? That procrastination can't continue indefinitly.

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"I'm serious here, bro," Barney says. "Nothing hurt me."

The rubbing stops.

"Seriously? Like...for reals?"

"For reals," Barney says.

"Well that's something."

He pulls back from the hug so he's able to look Barney in the eye.

"Did you have fun?"

It's the sort of tone one uses to ask a child about the first day of school.

"Are you kidding me?" Barney says.

"Maybe a little? Had I met Goldy before I met Mel I would have...but...nevermind. I'm not making any sense."

"Do you want to bang her?" Barney asks. "Because we could probably arrange that."

Mike smiles.

"Ha! Before I met Mel I wanted to bang everything. I just...I think Goldy comes on too strong, is all. But if you're happy, I'm happy for you. I'd be a piss poor wingman otherwise."

"Oh, one time thing, absolutely," Barney says. "I wouldn't put myself through such a... demanding experience... often."

"Like bootcamp?"

Don and Leo got drafted into the US Army this one time, for some reason no one seemed to notice.

"...actually, I think that works," Barney says. "Seriously, I'm used to my women being a little more grateful about the whole thing."

"Oh I'm sure she was grateful you were there. She's just...she's like...you know, I don't know another woman like her so it's hard for me to say what she's like."

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