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Entry tags:

agent zed,
laini

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A large man is striding through the Door, a man with a determined look in his eye, a man with serious shit that needs doing.

None of which is going to get done here.

"Awww, mother--!!," the man roars, halting in mid-step as the Door slams shut behind him with a loud--and one might almost say smug--BANG! The man squints hard and raises a fist the way a man does when he'd love to plant it right between the eyes of, well, say, a Landlord.

Except, he knows damn well that's not going to happen. So he goes over and growls, "Bourbon!", at poor Bar instead.

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If you had incriminating, black-mail-worthy photos (http://community.livejournal.com/milliways_bar/20314635.html?thread=868997899#t868997899) of someone, and was helping to auction them off (http://community.livejournal.com/milliways_bar/20746068.html?thread=900456020#t900456020), (or maybe even put together a calender of them for sale), you would think anyone sane would avoid that someone, lest they give themselves away, right?

No one ever said kitsune were sane.

"Well, unlike you, I can't be too upset this evening." Laini gives Zed a wink, sitting down next to him at the bar.

Zed turns and growls--friendly this time--"Ernh, Laini."

"'Least there's somebody sane around here tonight."

Putting aside Zed's standards of 'sanity,' which one might expect to be a bit more flexible than most people's, there's the fact that he's happy to see Laini. Not that this is unusual, mind you, but it might have something to do at this particular time with the fact that he's blissfully ignorant of anything certain kitsune and certain conspiracy theorists might have been up to lately.

Unfortunately, Men in Black have a gift for finding things out.

Laini blinks, and makes a show of looking around the bar.

"Sane? Here? Zed, I don't think-"

Cue the surprised look back at him, with one hand to her chest. "Oh, little ol' me? Really?" She flutters her eyelashes.

"I can't think of the last time anyone has called me sane."

There is nothing that the narrative can really add to that.

Now that Zed thinks of it, that word really didn't make any damn sense. But Laini hasn't done anything to him ~~yet~~ to justify his being rude enough to take it back. Besides, to Zed's point of view, she is more sane than most of the maniacs around here.

"So what'd I miss? For a while there, I almost thought the Big Bastard might've finally decided to leave me the hell alone."

The fact of him now back in the bar being, therefore, an outrage of Truly Cosmic Dimensions.

"Well, maybe he was being nice to me, and decided to shuffle you my way for some pleasant company." Laini winks, and passes over his glass of bourbon.

"Or at least I'd hope that's a less coronary-inducing thought."

"Hrnh." Which is Zed for, 'I highly doubt the Landlord would be caught dead doing anyone a favor such as that.'

Only with more swearing.

"If I was going to get a coronary around here, it would've happened a long time ago."

Which is now reminding Zed of just how long the Landlord has been screwing with him, and that's made the whole damn day seem even more outrageous.

Laini smiles wryly, and sips her own boozed up coffee. "Then you're tough enough that I wouldn't worry what he tossed at you."

"So, how's work been? Better or worse than here?"

Edited 2009-02-05 06:45 (UTC)

Zed ponders. Then ponders some more.

And then ponders again. It's a damn close call.

"Probably worse. Barely. Got a goddamn Prank War going full tilt."

Laini blinks, ears perking-

Though she is Innocent of this. 100%, really.

... Maybe it is best to find out if she is innocent or not.

"Prank war?"

"Two planets," Zed holds up a pair of fingers. "Both in the same system. The one peopled by the Krylians, one of the most uptight, stick-up-their-asses races in the galaxy."

"One orbit over, the Annelids. One of the galaxy's most obnoxious and infuriating pack of weird little bastards."

"Every few decades these two go at each other in an escalating prank war that wipes out every available whoopie cushion, stink bomb, or worse for a generation. The one going on now is the worst by far we've ever seen."

"And it's the bureau's job to try to bring an end to it."

By the expression on Zed's face, he'd rather pour a crate of sugar on his head and stick it in the open maw of a Bug.

Laini's ears flatten.

"Well, who weaseled their way out of that job by dying and sticking it to you guys, then?" She shakes her head, and sets her empty cup back on the bar. Thankfully, a refill quickly appears.

"If it was up to me, I'd set up a bit of interstellar yellow-tape 'do not cross' line, and let them hash it out until they ran out of those pranking supplies, and not poke my own cute little nose in until I was well sure of it not getting hit by a cream pie." Laini rolls her eyes, and takes a sip of her coffee.

"Because in my experience? Trying to intervene in a prank war is about the same as putting a sign on your back saying you're a fair target and participant in the whole damn thing."

Which is not to say that Laini has not participated in such things before! But a kitsune's usual modus operandi is to quietly start the whole thing in a way as to leave the blame on someone else and then leave the scene quietly snickering.

"Don't get me wrong," Zed rumbles. "If I could quarantine the bastards and let them wipe each other out with banana peels and toasters in bathtubs, I'd do it in a Beryllian heartbeat, and be glad of it."

"But the thing about a Prank War is you can't contain it. Other aliens keep running the damn blockade to check it out, then take what they learn back home with them, and, bang, you've got proliferation followed by escalation. Thanks to the goddamn rubber-neckers, something like this could end up engulfing the entire galaxy."

"And, maybe that would serve the sons of bitches right. But it's sure as hell not happening on my watch."

Laini winces, ears flattening, then turns to the Bar.

"Sweetie? Zed's next is on me, 'kay?"

Shaking her head, she looks back to Zed. "Any estimates as to when the whole thing will be over? So you can start planning a nice vacation for yourself when it is?"

"Still TBD. But once the operation starts, you can count on all hell breaking loose."

"Breaking loose in a 'boom' type of manner?" The hand gesture that accompanies this is the traditional finger-flick to indicate some sort of an explosion.

"Which, that might be better than the galaxy's largest whoopie cushion." Laini shakes her head ruefully. "I just- well. Tricks and pranks are one thing. Doing it with a lack of manners is something else, though."

"Manners go out the window by day two of these things."

"But that also means neither side can bitch when I unload on the bastards."

"Which would certainly be a site to see, no matter what side you're on." Laini grins, toying with her drink.

"Which- whenever you think that's going to happen, can I get an invite to watch said event? You in action is quite a sight, Zed."

Zed chuckles. "A cheering section?"

"Sure. Why the fuck not?"

"I'll keep you to that." Laini grins, holding up her drink in a toast.

"As I'm now expecting front row seats."

"Might want a few rows back."

"Out of cream pie range."

"Oh, you're going to charge extra for splash-zone seating? Or just charge for the rain coats?"

Unfair, Zed. Laini should have thought of this first.

"Just trying to avoid a kitsune getting one right between the eyes," Zed smirks.

"Who the hell knows what you'd do to the poor bastard who threw it."

"Aw, Zed." Laini places a hand to her chest and flutters her eyes.

"And here I was wondering if you cared 'bout little ol' me."

Zed chuckles. Laini might be one of his favorite people in the bar, but he's been an MiB much too long to go on record about it.

But the chuckle speaks volumes.

Zed, don't look now...because you're being studied by the sabertooth a few stools down.

Yes, he's on a stool. Yes, the legs appear to have been sliced off to make it shorter, to allow him to perch and be at a normal height in relation to the counter.

And yes, he's also drinking bourbon.

From a giant kitty bowl.

Zed's halfway through a long sip of his bourbon when he happens to look left--and freezes, his eyeballs bulging for a second there like they might just pop out of his skull and go bouncing down the bar.

I hate this fucking place.

The Man in Black puts his glass down. Very. Slowly.

I'm going to get eaten alive. And not even by a Xerxian Razorbeast, like I always figured. No. By a goddamn sabertooth.

Why is the guy staring? There are rules, you know?

"Uh," he says, oh-so-eloquently. "Howdy, friend."

And he tries a half-smile.

Zed nearly rolls his eyes at himself. Just another Milliways Moment.

"Howdy, yourself."

He gestures at the stool. "Nice touch."

"Thank Logan. He's the hairy guy with the claws."

While Diego lacks the super-badass SNIKT! sound effect, he does flex his claws to demonstrate how the legs came to be shorter.

"Name's Diego."

Now Zed does roll his eyes.

Logan. From Earth 616. His favorite Earth ever. Only place crazier than the fucking bar.

"Pleased to meet ya. I'm Zed."

"How'd you end up here?"

"Walked in through the woods."

He uses the paw to pull the kitty bowl closer. It's an oval shape, which means he can turn it to that his teeth settle on either side of the dish, which makes for easy drinking.

They really do think of everything.

"You?"

"Landlord grabbed my ass and dragged it here. Bastard's been doing it ever since."

Which is not precisely correct, but that's Zed's story.

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