milliways_bar | (no subject)

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This is not the demon-summoning peer-slayer you're looking for.

Nnnnope.

No way.

Ava comes downstairs for dinner in her sheep pajamas, looking a little worse for the wear-- mostly in the dark circles under her eyes. (She has bruises, too, from being telepathically slammed into a few walls, but she came out on top of those altercations.)

If she's innocent of any murder and mayhem currently in the works, it's because her airtight alibi includes a few days up in her room, trying to up her demonic game.

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"Nice pajamas," says Buffy. There is no trace of sarcasm in her voice. Then the rest of Ava's appearance sinks in, and she adds, "Are you okay?"

"Thanks!" Ava says cheerfully, beaming. "Wow, it is so awesome to see you! Uh. I am fine? But it turns out horseback riding is not my thing."

"They should come with airbags," Buffy says -- with sympathy, if not actual common sense. "Are the horses out back for general..."

Consumption is not the right word here.

"...borrowing?"

Ava looks shifty.

"If they're not, then maybe I should pretend I just fell down some stairs."

"Just to make sure," Buffy adds, "the pajamas came after the horse-riding, right?"

"Totally," Ava says, wrinkling her nose. "I know I'm stuck at the weirdo bar at the end of the universe, but I still feel slouchy when I go out in PJs before five."

"For all we know," says Buffy, thoughtfully, "there's a planet out there where everybody wears PJs before five. But not after."

She shakes her head. "Still awkward. It's kind of like a dorm, huh?"

"I've thought of that before!"

A beat.

"Uh. Dorms, not pajama planets. I guess if my school dorms had had Happy Hour it'd be pretty much the same thing. Oh, except, here's something I can't figure out: Does Milliways have an extra secret bathroom I don't know about for extra genders? Back at school we had unisex floors, and I know I've seen dudes around here who don't count as either."

"My school dorms pretty much do have Happy Hours," Buffy reflects.

Then she blinks at Ava. "Wait, what? There's five bathrooms."

"Aren't there?"

Ava blinks.

"Are there? I mean, there's two more upstairs, but they're still ... men-women."

"...No there aren't." Now Buffy is looking confused and slightly panicked. "There's a stall for men, a stall for women, a unisex stall, and that thing with the tentacles in the sign and an alphabet I am completely unfamiliar with and then the other one with the pointy bits."

"Please have some idea of what I'm talking about?"

Ava just stares.

"... Maybe my brain's just been ignoring the tentacles."

"More brains should follow your brain's example," says Buffy sadly.

What if she's the only person who sees the bathroom for people of the tentacle'd persuasion? What does that mean?

The look on Ava's face suggests that she is wondering the exact same thing.

"So, uh ... where is it? The tentacle one?"

"Next to the others?" Buffy throws a woeful look in the direction of the restrooms.

"At least, I think. Now I'm going to have to double check."

This place.

Ava folows her gaze, ish. Tentatively.

She's not so sure she really wants to learn the truth.

"I hope I don't walk into the wrong one."

"That would be awkward," Buffy agrees. "For everyone involved, probably."

Maybe it's time for a subject change, she decides.

"So...how 'bout that...local murder?"

There have been better executions. In human history.

Ava's first reaction is to look guilty, which is quickly supplanted by her second reaction: looking alarmed.

"Murder?"

Her saucer eyes are not fucking around, as we like to say.

"Out back." She manages to wince and jerk her chin in the direction of the back door at the same time. It's a complicated maneuver. "Guy named West? They still don't know who did it, apparently."

"Oh wow," Ava whimpers, glancing towards the door anxiously. "So nobody saw anything? Like a, a fight or something?"

Buffy gives her her a mildly weird look.

People in Sunnydale don't whimper when they hear about recent murders, anymore, they say, "God, again?" and complain about the weather.

"Guess not," she says. "Apparently he was pretty..." She gestures. It's not easy to convey her meaning via gesture. "Well, if there was a fight, there's a high likelihood he said, 'You wanna piece of me?' at some point."

Ava blinks.

"He listened to Britney Spears?"

That song still hasn't come out yet in Buffy's time. Also, she's still reeling from the tragic and shocking news that clean-cut Britney Spears is going to be a panty-flashing mess in the future.

Is Britney also a cannibalistic serial killer?

"Possibly? But then he was violently torn apart and possibly eaten. Parts of him. Were eaten. Was what I meant."

"Oh my God."

Ava blanches.

But curiosity wins out:

"... Was he eaten by hellhounds?"

"I...don't actually know," she admits. "Possibly? Tucker Wells hasn't shown up, has he?"

It's odd how often hellhounds have come up in conversation lately. Maybe that's a sign!