EP

[freezeitwithice.livejournal.com]

Days in Castle Oblivion have a tendency toward the featureless. Vexen's view rarely changes; if he emerges from the stark and sterile world of his laboratory, it is to wander the stark and sterile halls of the upper levels, or at other times the darker but similarly repetitive - if convoluted - hallways of the basements. The neophytes rarely visit the realm that the Chilly Academic calls his domain, and he does his best to avoid theirs when at all possible.

Mixing the neophytes with the founding members of Organization XIII has been, in Vexen's experience, not dissimilar to dropping a chunk of pure caesium into a bowl of water with the lights off.

But aside from the occasional explosion, run-ins with the neophytes, and visits from his Superior, Vexen's non-existence is relatively quite and undisturbed. He's left to his own devices and spends his days in blessed quiet and solitude.

It's no wonder that when he steps into the bar, he looks... surprised, to say the least. It's crowded, it's far darker than he's used to, it's loud, and it's warm. All things that are immediate strikes against the place in the Academic's book. But in the past decade, he's seen stranger things and been to far more unusual worlds.

Which means that he's pulled his mantle of unflappability back around him within short order as he presses further into this strange new 'world', or whatever it is.

A scientist must never turn away from an opportunity for the acquisition of new knowledge.


[OOC: Mun has to leave at 12:30AM MST, but feel free to tag and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. X3)

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[freezeitwithice.livejournal.com]

The first thing those lacking something usually notice, with regards to the presence of another person, is if they possess the desired object or quality. Vexen has found this to be particularly true for Nobodies, or at least himself; it is one of the few aspects of their nature that he has not made an extensive study on. He had noticed it when he first walked through the doorway here, the sheer oppressiveness of so many Somebodies. He had noticed it when he spoke with Kida.

Seeing Xaldin isn't exactly a surprise, since he's encountered Zexion already. But he did not expect to receive the same sensation that he's been getting from every other person here. The pale, narrow face assumes a look of surprise, and of betrayal.

Left behind.

He realises now the foolishness of his assumption that when they obtained their hearts, they would do so together. A fanciful notion conjured up soon after his delivery into the pathetic non-existence of a Nobody, that those who had gone into the darkness together would find the light again together, too. Xemnas had suggested that, after all, before he began his own descent into madness. That he would lead them out, as he had led them in.


From what Zexion implied, left for dead.

Nobodies are self-serving, after all. He shouldn't be surprised that even his former colleague pushed forward on his own.

If he has a heart, then Xigbar probably does, too. Never one without the other.

He would give anything for a heart of his own right now, if only to feel angry. No matter how hard he tries, he can't hate Xaldin. He can't even feel properly jealous, that the man has everything that he wants to have. Nothing but echoes of emotion, memories ten years old that no longer hold the sway they once did.

Fortunately, his time as an apprentice taught him to internalize things very well, even better than the millennia beforehand. He quickly composes his face into its customary expression of cool detachment, and gives the requisite shallow bow of a subordinate within the Organization to a superior.

'Number III.'

Xaldin. Dilan. Whoever and whatever you are now.

'It would seem that much has happened, since I last saw you.' There's not even a hint of falsified emotion behind the words, nothing but cold emptiness. If nothing else, it's what people tend to expect of him.

[sliceitwithwind.livejournal.com]

"Yes." Xaldin manages after a moment. His eyes are eating Vexen alive - he never expected to see the other again. At all. In any way. "Yes."

Zexion survived - and Xaldin has better grasp on himself than he ever had as Nobody. Thus the far younger man must have been correct on the nature of paradox. This does not surprise Xaldin when he is in full possession of his mind.

"In the time that I came here you had been obliterated for nearly a year. Axel killed you and we - those of us in The World That Never Was - heard about it later.

"Xigbar, Zexion, Demyx, Axel, and I have in this place each found hearts. Xigbar and I acquired ours together, each of the others has found theirs in some other way." the long lashes of the big man sweep shut with pain and then open again "I have mourned you." he says after a long moment "Please. Don't go back. Don't die before we have a chance to find you a way out of that hell we all dwelled in."

Dilan was always protective of Even, more than the other man needed at times. It doesn't matter. This is Vexen and he is not dead.

Xaldin will do anything it takes for him - anything but lose Xigbar.

[freezeitwithice.livejournal.com]

Vexen is not foolish enough, to ask such a thing of the other. Even had remained tight-lipped about the matter, as he had about so many things, and unless eventually pushed to anger by emotion – should he be so lucky as to acquire a heart of his own in this strange place – Vexen will be likewise. After all, it had been impressed upon Even from an early age that no matter how much he might desire companionship, it was not something that he was entitled to. And he doubts that either one of them is completely unaware of the situation, which does nothing to ease things but at least makes the threat of an accidental admission less grave.

It is a belief that he has held to and will continue to hold to unless persuaded otherwise. It may not be something that he has ever liked, but it is not his place to question whatever will the gods might have concerning him. Scientist or not, there are things about himself that he cannot change. He has nothing now but who he was, after all.

Dilan’s protectiveness had always been a bitter pill to swallow, and Xaldin’s is no different. Though Even and Vexen have thousands of years on any of the former apprentices, they have always lagged behind. Not in matters of intelligence, certainly, but always in matters of the heart and how to handle it. Vexen lacks one, of course, but Even had never really been at ease with his. It had influenced his thinking, made social interaction difficult if not painful at times, and was easily hurt.

And yet Vexen never questions his desire to have one again. Not even knowing that he would be as incomplete with one as he is without one. Not even standing in front of a man he might hate, or at least envy if he could, subject to that nakedly emotional gaze. His mind supplies that Xaldin looks happy, and surprised, and grateful, but he cannot feel gratitude for those responses in return.

‘Axel.’ The Academic looks momentarily sickened by that revelation. He’s always viewed Axel as a liability, hotheaded and impulsive and completely devoid of respect for his elders and betters. To be obliterated by that, to be obliterated and bested by that in their ultimate goal…

‘In your good fortune, Number III,’ he says with glacial flatness, ‘you seem to have forgotten that Nobodies cannot die. We can be destroyed, but we are nothing to begin with. Do you propose that I simply abandon my work, what I have spent a decade trying to perfect, and sequester myself in this… place? What is to stop Number VIII from simply killing me here, instead of elsewhere?’

It is not what Vexen would consider an attractive idea, surrounded constantly by humans and former Nobodies, consistent reminders of his inadequacy and failure. A self-imposed exile, to be sure, but that would not make it an easy one.

[sliceitwithwind.livejournal.com]

Dilan was Braig's from before he could walk. He was no more than three days old the first time Braig saw him and the child Braig was the recipient of the baby Dilan's first smile. He couldn't give up the older man even if he'd wanted to - and he hung on through the long years of being Nobody because even as Nobody Xigbar needed him to be there. Now their hearts beat together and when one falls the other will die at the same instant.

For Xaldin it is very comforting.

"I have forgotten nothing, Vexen." softly "I cannot forget any more. A side effect of the price we paid for our hearts. I don't ask you to abandon your work - simply to move it here. This place is - hard. But it is not so hard as it might otherwise be. Successes are here - ones that as a group we were not capable of finding. I have a theory that it takes a heart to birth hearts and that Nobodies cannot grasp them without outside, enHeartened, assistance."

Hands still encased in gloves - even Somebody he is too much Air not to suffer the crossing of atmospheres in this place - he clenches his faists briefly before forcing himself to relax. "Axel cannot attack here. One of the rules of this place prevents him. If he did even his friends would turn on him."

He knows that Vexen is what they all were. The coldness still hurts. Foolish of him but he is no longer Nobody and incapable of feeling the hurt.

[freezeitwithice.livejournal.com]

Then it should be easy to understand why it had hurt Even so much, and why it remains difficult for Vexen. He doesn’t have that higher purpose, he doesn’t have any purpose beyond trying to elevate himself from nobody to a human again. He has tens of thousands of years left to live, if he gains a heart and his life ends up running a natural course, and he fully expects to spend every one of them without that bond that gives Xaldin so much comfort. He doesn’t have a Braig, or a Dilan, or anyone who would regret his loss. Finding a heart has become more a matter of principle for him than anything else.

Xaldin knows what it is to be a part of another person, and will never have to experience otherwise. Vexen knows nothing but what it is to have no one need you.

‘Your theory is more palatable, and from what I now see more valid, than my own,’ he admits grudgingly. ‘It would certainly be less of a hassle.’ His was always a bit out on a limb in any case; while they know that Xehanort’s Heartless had survived and indeed flourished, Vexen is uncertain whether the same could be said for the rest. Even if it could, they would not necessarily be humanoid, or even possible to find.

Much less purge of darkness and rejoin with their Nobodies.

‘That said, I find myself with little faith in rules enforced by others, if a few idealistic words are all that stand between Axel, myself, and open confrontation. Regardless, even if I were to stay here, I would need to return to Castle Oblivion to collect my effects.’

Though he’s not sure whether he would have anywhere to put them. Kida generously made him welcome in her room whenever he wishes, and it’s a sorely tempting offer – the cool stone and water are welcome alternatives to this madhouse – but he’s uncertain whether or not she would be receptive to the idea of having a long-term roommate.

Especially once she finds out what he is.