milliways_bar | (no subject)

A well-fed Jasper plops down next to him and Edward gets an elbow nudge.

His quiet greeting of hey sounds more like stop that; what's with the brooding than anything.

There's a snort, but Edward's blinking back to -- well, this isn't Earth, but the metaphor works. Even if he never stopped seeing it, he hadn't been looking at anything here.

Jasper gets a sideways glance.

At least it isn't hostile?

Hostile or not, Jasper raises an eyebrow in return before turning away from the stare down.

What's wrong? is a whisper in his thoughts, with more hesitation at asking than necessary, while he picks up one of the textbooks and idly flips through its pages.

Edward leaned back against the booth, without loosing good posture. He considered it errantly for the first thought, before letting it come out.

"Nothing new."

"Nothing?"

Jasper doesn't expect an answer at the prodding, only looking at Edward for a long moment - judging, wondering, weighing - before he turns back to the textbooks he had studied last year.

So.

Maybe when he speaks he's using one reason to avoid the other reason. Maybe because he's pretty sure Jasper can already feel the knot of the actual issue.

It's not as though it ever leaves him, right? Or changes?

"Carlisle's refusing to present a paper again."

"He'd mentioned (http://community.livejournal.com/milliways_bar/22518870.html?thread=996311126#t996311126) somethin' about that." Jasper had, honestly, all but forgotten about it after his talk (http://community.livejournal.com/milliways_bar/22521731.html?thread=995965059#t995965059) with Kate until now. "He's in his right not to go."

Edward considered picking up a pencil. But he'd snap it at this second, to snap something.

"That he won't go isn't the same as he doesn't want to."

How many papers, under how many names, presented by other people in lieu of, and for, the man who never would agree to go. Who wasn't a marble stone incapable of noticing how many times, or feelings to the contrary of his decisions.

"So convince him to." Jasper certainly wasn't of help, considering the mood and what he'd been contemplating, when he'd talk to Carlisle. "I have a feelin' the answer will be the same as last though. We're all like that, aren't we? We all give up things we want for this family."

Everyone except Edward. At least recently.

Who glanced at the ceiling, pressing his lips together even though that probably didn't need words to explain the sudden tumult of emotions that went with it.

"I already tried that."

Which totally went to both topics.

"Then just let it be," Jasper mumbles, despite knowing the possibility of that is slim.

Giving up things for the family is not the only thing that happens in the Cullen house. Concern and worrying is a common circle too, even when things are good.

He closes the textbook with a snap and sets it on the table with a sigh. "Just let what happens, happen."

"Because that's working so well for me this far."

It's not a gripe at Jasper, more just at the air in front of himself.

"Well, you still have Bella."

Set to the tune of that's not such a bad thing with a slight hesitation to it; a change from his earlier stance on the whole situation.

Edward's shoulders tense at her name, having an expected course of mention from Jasper. One that very much neither happens in his head or from his comment. And that draws a look more than a comment from Jasper.

Like Edward needs to make sure he's not an alien.

Even if it is a subdued sort of uncertainty.

And Jasper deserves the look so he tries not to get too defensive about it. "What, I'm not allowed to change my mind?" he mumbles, vaguely.

Edward's not quite sure what to make of that. At all.

So it goes wry, "Every century or two."

Jasper's expression smooths out from the frown that was forming as he stares at the table before them. "I told someone about us, you saved Bella, and I want to... apologize. Even if what I did happened here, I'd been pointing the finger blame at you all this time and... there is a difference."

Then he looks up, over at Edward, a slight smirk as he jokes, "And I hope you caught all that cause I ain't sayin' it again."

There is difference, Edward thinks, seeing the flicker of Kate in Jasper memory. Lightening fast moments of memory even in reference. Largely. Jasper made the decision to act; had never lost control of himself or his situation there.

Edward chooses grace, even if his expression hasn't changed. He leaned back against the booth back. "How did it go?"

"I think - " Which is a term he uses loosely. " - I scared her with some of the terms I used to explain us, but, and you probably already know, she said she wouldn't say anythin' to anyone."

He focuses on Edward again with a shake of his head. His expression doesn't have to change for him to know. "I just meant that it was different because I took the risk knowingly. You - If it were Alice in trouble, I'd have done the same."

There was irony in it somewhere, wasn't there.

In Jasper apologizing to him now. Jasper who'd shouted at him that night that he'd never loved anyone enough to understand. Edward who before the last two months would have been one of the last people of their entire family prone to even the smallest fluke of revelation for the public.

Before then, it would have been an easy bet that Jasper, or Emmett, might --

But, might didn't matter here did it?

Edward. Edward. Had checked out in a way no one in the family ever had, ever could have predicted or planned for given eighty years of previous example.

He leaned his head back on the booth top, looking upward without a ready response. Even though he knew he should have had one, had something to say.

Oddly enough the first thing to come out is,
"I still don't want to be here."

"Which 'here' is that now?" Jasper wonders, cocking his head to the side as he studies Edward. "'Cause I've an easy answer for the literal."

Edward nearly rolled his eyes. His glance toward Jasper faintly bemused only at the edge of his lips and his eyes.

"This place. But in general, more than specifically today."

"So, what's keeping you?"

He's genuinely interested to know. While reading emotions can serve as a good general insight into anyone, Jasper still can't get into the mind like Edward, who is usually so locked away in his own, can.

There was a wave of chagrined annoyance, but low and errant. In response more to the memory he was thinking than reaction to anything current.

"Have you tried leaving when it's being insistent yet?"

"No, but I am married to Alice so I guess I can understand," Jasper responds with a grin, trying not to let the annoyance - whoever or whatever its directed at - get to him. His wife can be annoyingly insistent on just about anything. "You still come back though."

"When I didn't want to most, it appeared in doors everywhere. Now--"

His lips formed a straight line, the barest shake of his head. "They're here. Alice, Carlisle." And they liked it, a lot.

Enough to take a job, and to keep telling people their secrets.

And Bella came here; or had for a while.

"Well, that's love for you," Jasper comments, not nearly as sharp or sour as the words could sound. It just is, and Edward surely already knows it. "I don't really want to be here either."

And yet there they were.

"Thank you." For the other thing. Errantly said, even if the undercurrent of thought and emotion aren't.

"Just don't tell anyone I apologized," Jasper quips with a small grin, the thanks not needed.

"It was just a fit of delirium," Edward said mockingly. "My family seems to agree I'm having them frequently of late."

"And we're here to keep an eye on you, so don't you worry."

He's torn between the thought it's darkly amusing, and quite seriously that someone had better be.

"I'll remember send tokens of my gratitude."

Like reaching out lightening fast to push Jasper off the booth with a look of nonchalant innocence.

"Yank," sounds like asshole but Jasper is snorting with laughter as he regains his footing. "Seeing as I'm in such a forgivin' mood, I'll overlook that so you don't be worrying on eating dust anytime soon either."

The edge of his mouth turned crooked, dragging most of the rest of it lopsided. "I'm just so terrified I'll never know what to do with myself."

There were very very small perks to this place he conceded.

Jasper shoves his hands into the pocket of his jeans, stepping back towards the door with a low whistle and shake of his head.

"I know, I can tell. Brave face, but you're fearin' on the inside."