milliways_bar | (no subject)

"I am sorry to hear," Teja says. "I would assume I cannot help, much as I would?"

It is odd, and elating at the same time, to see Xaldin's entirely genuine emotional reaction, even though it is a sad one, and Teja is sorry for having brought it about.

"I am afraid not. It's not easy but it is ours to do. If you hear of something let me know." That's all anyone can do.

"As always," Teja says.

Pause.

"May I ask something personal?"

"Of course. If it is too personal I will not answer."

"You said that Xigbar and you have girlfriends, and you have rules about how and who," Teja says, blushing somewhat. "How does that work out?"

"Both of us have to like her and she's got to be interested in both of us. If it's not there for everyone it won't work." He says slowly "Everyone has to be careful that nobody feels left out. Everyone has to be willing to talk about things as soon as they see a problem, or a potential problem. There has to be private time for Xigbar and me, Xigbar and the girl, me and the girl. There has to be alone time. It's complicated and takes a lot of talking."

Teja looks at him, somewhat glumly, and nods. It sounds very different from his own dilemma.

"Yes, very complicated," he agrees. "The talking is what keeps it all together?"

Charlie did talk about what he was planning to do, after all. But by now, he had most likely gone and done it without Teja's consent.

"How could it be any other way?" Xaldin asks "Communication is key in all walks of life."

"Some things, one would rather not be told," Teja says, a bit darkly.

"My Charlie has..."

He sighs.

Xaldin is silent but attentive as he waits for Teja to either continue or choose not to.

"... he has decided it should be right if he beds others if he tells me so beforehand," Teja finishes, with even a deeper sigh.

If there is anybody he can speak with of this, it is Xaldin, he feels.

"Yes - that is a different situation. Xigbar and I are polygamous. What Charlie is trying to do is have an open relationship. Those can work too - but only if both people are happy with it."

He pauses and frowns slightly

"Actually that holds for all kinds of relationships. They fall if everyone isn't happy."

"He is not happy with being faithful," Teja says. "And I'm not happy with him being not faithful. He said I could do likewise, but I want no other!"

"That's harsh." he doesn't know what else to say "And I'm going to give some harsh advice. You need to decide if you can be all right with it or not and either get all right with it or leave him. If you hang on expecting him to change his mind you're just going to kill not only your love for him but also your like of him."

Teja gives a deep sigh.

"That is very harsh advice indeed," he finally says. "But I am ever one to give such to others; I should be able to take it."

He does not ask 'Why me, not him?' -- Why Me is never a viable question, or argument.

Because Teja is the one with the problem.

"Age and experience have led me to the point where I understand that harsh advice is often the only advice worth the time. I am sorry."

"I know that as well," Teja says.

Pause.

Sigh.

Longer pause.

"That was the most helpful thing anybody has said to me about this things, so far," he then says.

"When we were young Xigbar and I had up to seven girlfriends at a time. We watched monogamous-by-heart people struggle with people who weren't. Now it's just the two of us but we're happy that way as well and know that if we meet a woman who can love us both we'll take her in. We've had a different set of lives than most."

he really is genuinely sorry for Teja.

"Indeed," Teja says, smiling just a little. "Very much so, having spent many years as Nobodies, both of you."

Pause.

"Now I must choose between my love for Charlie, and my wish for physical faithfulness, struggling as these other people you knew were."

"Yes. Any time you want to talk you can rest assured that I won't judge you. The heart wants what it wants and it isn't to your shame."

"Thank you," Teja says. He does feel it, too. He will not be judged -- neither as old-fashioned, nor as weak-principled, depending on what his choice would be.

"You helped me." Xaldin says simply "You were my friend when I could not be yours."

"But now, you can be, and you are," Teja says.

"Yes." he says with a small, but honest, smile.

"Shall we share a drink?" Teja suggests. "It need not be intoxicating."

He remembers that Xaldin the man cannot stomach much of it, while Xaldin the Nobody drank Atlantean by the bottle to feel some effect.

"Did you suffer from your yearly illness again?"