milliways_bar | (no subject)

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teja

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Vyvyan is sitting just outside the back door, eating a toaster.

As you do.

[tinytag: Vyvyan]

"I hope that doesn't belong to the Bar," Teja says, stepping outside.

"You keep hoping that." Vyvyan says, munching down towards the power cable.

"If you are destroying bar property," Teja says, "you must pay for it."

In reality, like most of his stunts, the Bar has already charged him. Between her and the waitrats, nothing Vyvyan has damaged, destroyed or eaten in the bar has stayed that way more than a few minutes; most were replaced with stage props before he got to them. The man is too destructive to have things any other way.

He doesn't know that he's already paid, of course.

"Well if you want it back, you'll have to wait in the toilet like the TV detector man."

"Definitely not," Teja says. "I shall give the bar a message that you will be paying."

"How do you know it's not my toaster?" Vyvyan asks.

He bites off the cord with the plug on and starts swinging it around, debating whether to throw it at Teja.

"Why've you got hair like a girl?"

"You would eat your own toaster at home," Teja says.

The question is not worth an answer.

"I ate a telly once." Vyvyan says. "So yeh!"

He gets up and moves closer so that Teja can get some of his stench. And maybe be in range for the more athletic of his fleas. Still swinging the cord.

"I'm very poor and have to eat what I can get. It's easy for you, being well fed and rich."

"You are ridiculous," Teja says, but he is not laughing.

He takes a step back.

"Poof." Vyvyan says, tilting his head to debate which way to smack him with the plug.

The mun apologises.

Teja doesn't know the word, and looks at him, strangely, shaking his head.

"Are you a virgin?" Vyvyan asks.

He's eying Teja up, wondering whether he'd put up a fun fight. Sounds like he's itching for it.

"No," Teja says, "and it is none of your business."

"Yes it is." Vyvyan says. "In case one day we were attacked by vampires and I had to know who not to stand next to."

He leans closer and adds.

"How about you forget being a pig for a moment and we have a good brawl? You look like you're itching for it."

Teja takes a step back.

"No," he says. "If you attack me, I shall arrest you."

"Coward." Vyvyan says.

He swings the cable around.

"Do you want some fleas?"

"No," Teja says, taking another step back.

"Oh. Well don't worry, I think it was just a male."

"You are irritating," Teja says, disgust in his eyes.

"You're a big girl." Vyvyan says.

"A couple of fleas won't hurt you. If you want, I can give you a couple of breeders, then if you want a midnight snack you can just feel around for a few."

"You are very revolting," Teja says.

Then, he walks away, towards the forge, where he had been going when he happened upon Vyvyan.

"You rescued that fluffy thing yet?" Vyvyan calls after him. "He seemed to be in some difficulty."

Teja turns around.

"Wellington?" he asks. "What did you do to him?"

"Never touched him." Vyvyan says.

"What happened to him, then?" Teja asks.

Shrug.

"He just seemed a bit higher up than usual. I would have helped him down but, well, the fleas."

"I shall go in and see if he needs help," Teja says, "and if I find you have anything to do with it, I shall arrest you."

"I haven't touched him." Vyvyan says.

"See you." He starts to wander off towards the forest.

Teja walks back inside, looking for Wellington.

Vyvyan disappears into the forest. He suspects Teja might be wanting him.

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