milliways_bar | (no subject)

Current Mood: nervous

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Asar-Suti comes in through the kitchen door, with a mug of coffee and a plate of pain au chocolat.

He sits down in his usual chair, turns it to look at the bar-room proper, and just waits, wibbling slightly in an unhappy way.

He is waiting for Loki-the-God who, as Gil has told him, wanted to talk to him.

Gil seemed rather convinced that the other god doesn't mean evil, and Asar-Suti trusts Gil.

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Loki glides gracefully down the steps, eyes a glowing blue and a special spring in his step. He looks well pleased, and seeing Asar-Suti with his coffee sitting in a chair just brings a brighter grin to his face. Wings fluttering in pleasure, he sits down in a near chair and sips tea and gives the other god a sultry grin.

"Asar-Suti."

It's a greeting.

"Loki," Asar-Suti says, neutrally.

Pleading will not help.

"Gil told me you wanted to talk to me - here I am."

Loki relaxes, allowing his wings to disappear for the moment despite his...fondness for them at the moment, and leans back. He sips his tea. He looks over with pale grey eyes.

"Why do you think I acted as I did, Asar-Suti?"

"Because - because you knew that I love Lochiel, he doesn't love me right now, and there is nothing else you can use to get at me as easily as through him. Why you wanted to get at me in the first place is beyond me. Lochiel - is jumpy and high-strung and panicks easily, and you hurt him because nothing you could do would hurt me as much as that. Gil said you offered to explain?"

Asar-Suti sips his coffee and suppresses a nervous shiver.

Cool grey-green eyes regard Asar-Suti over a delicate china cup.

"I did act because I knew that you loved Lochiel. I did not act in order to 'get at you'. I did not hurt Lochiel because I thought it would especially hurt you. I knew it would, but that was not my purpose."

He sips at the tea.

"What do you think my motivation was?"

Asar-Suti suspects the worst, but doesn't want to says so.

"If it was not to hurt me, I have no idea. I rejected you, I hissed at you in cat-shape, and then you acted as you did. But I don't know why you took Lochiel's shape to start with, or why you offered yourself to me in his shape. You probably did that because you are you. I have no other explanation. Neither he nor I mean anything to you, as such."

"Do you know what my realm of influence is, Asar-Suti? What is my driving purpose, my essence?"

He sips his tea and looks at Asar-Suti.

"I am the Trickster, the Catalyst of my pantheon. The transforming Flame. To trick is what I am...to deny that, a great pain. I denied myself in favor of a kindness to you and you threw it back into my face. What little anger I held towards you was for this purpose, not for the denial of my advances."

He looks to Asar-Suti.

"Shall I go on?"

"Yes, please," Asar-Suti says, very mystified. He understands just about nothing at the moment; Loki could just as well talk about trains and stations as far as making sense is concerned.

"You tried to trick me and then didn't - that was when you stopped being Lochiel for the first time. But why were you Lochiel at me at all?"

He smirks.

"Originally, it was just a joke. I heard you laughing...it was rather amusing for all, I believe. When you came over, it was still a joke...and then I saw your sadness...and made my offer. When you refused it, I decided in kindness to leave the trick unfinished...and then you hissed at me. It was at this point that I will admit I was motivated partially by my pride and partially by my purpose."

He sips his tea.

"Lochiel doesn't love you. Why is this?"

"Because he blames me for all unpleasantness that happened to him in his life; because he was given to me by the women who raised him, and I took him without as much as asking, unwarned, untouched, only sixteen. It wasn't technically, but to him it amounts to rape. I regret it bitterly; I so wish I could have been as gentle with him as he deserved, seduced him in a human way instead of taking him as a god. And when I came here to reclaim him, I scared him even more. He's become easier around me again recently; we talked quite civilly only the day before yesterday. But what with all those changes he is going through, rejecting me is rather central to him. But he - but there is something left, something unfisnished, and I am just waiting for him to get through all this and see whether he might not love me after all - not again as I would rather have us be equals, and human together, insttead of Dark GOd and his Dark Overlord."

No point in keeping anything from this Loki, is there? He seems to know everything as it is.

"And do you think perhaps that your devotion, your willingness to accept pain, death, destruction...rape? Any and all of the above at the hands of a being as exponentially stronger than you as, say, you are to him? Do you think, perhaps, that it might give him something to think on? Something solid to consider upon?"

"Yes, that might well be. But---"

Asar-Suti feels a bit like a traitor, but he will be honest. Nothing else helps here.

"Much as I love him, he's not perfect - and he might be rather preoccupied by his own suffering at the moment, and not consider what I actually do or did or feel. He's got problems again, and it's my fault again - so what else is new? But I'm not complaining. I love him as he is, moods, condescension and all."

"You love him as he is, in the form of a woman or his own form? You love him as he is, choosing his truth over the lie of another in his form?"

"Yes."

No doubt about that, no further explanation necessary.

He sips at his tea and stares from beneath half-closed lids with brilliant green eyes.

"Do you perhaps see where I'm going? While I agree with you that the situation might give the poor boy a spin for a while, I'm sure he will remember...both your actions that day and the way in which you treat him while he is stuck in that form."

He nibbles daintily on a small cookie that wasn't there a moment ago.

"The damage from being stuck in a form is surmountable. Unfortunate, but surmountable. Perhaps he shall require some...assistance afterwards, but I'm sure he will not go without it."

There is a meaningful look from grey eyes over a tea cup.

"Do you hate me?"

No, I fear you.

"No. Erm, I rather fear you, to be honest. I knew there would be stronger gods here when I came, but I had never yet encountered one who was ready to prove that to me."

Asar-Suti sighs. "Whether he ever loves me again is his own choice, but I will treat him as well as I can, in that or any other form. I think I'll really go and get him more of his deathly boring grimoires - reading that stuff really seems to make him happy. Perhaps that will make it esier for him to calm down and accept the unfortunate but surmountable damage, as you call it."

"I won't tell you you shouldn't fear me. If you're looking for friendly and reassuring, my brother is the one to look to, not I."

And then the eyes are brown and the look is full of more emotion than Loki has shared with anyone outside of Eris...or David.

"But know that I have been in a similar position as Lochiel...for much longer than the week or so my spell is set to hold. Also know that I did not have someone like he has, who loved me as you love him."

He stands and all traces of that emotion are gone, swept away by the icy blue that twists into his eyes.

"It is indeed his choice to love you again or not...but he has something new to think on...as do you. Think on that as you will."

And then in a flurry of feathers, he is gone.

Asar-Suti buries his face in his hands and sighs deeply.

His love for Lochiel feels fresh and raw and new, as if it had changed yet again.

He creeps back to Gil's room to play with the rat babies, and think, and wait for Gil to finish his shift and slip into his arms for a cuddle and comfort and some - joy?

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