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teja

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Vyvyan has apparently recovered from his flu.

He's currently sitting at the bar, gluing a pack of cards into a house with superglue.

[Tinytag: Vyvyan]

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"It does not work like that," Teja says.

"Says who?"

"I do," Teja says. "But it is not what I would speak to you about."

"It wasn't me, I've been off sick." Vyvyan says.

"That is the problem," Teja says. "I hear you sneezed at people with malicious intent."

Vyvyan stares at him.

"Do you realise how ridiculous that sounds?"

"It would be, were it not you I am speaking of," Teja says.

"I don't even remember what I was doing last week." Vyvyan says.

"You were sick, and spilled your sickness to others," Teja says. "It cannot always be avoided, but you snoze on them with intent!"

Pause.

"Sneezed."

"Can you prove that?" Vyvyan asks. "'cos if you didn't see me, and I didn't see me, makes it a bit tricky."

"I have a witness," Teja says.

"If it's that green boy, he's a liar."

"I would believe him over you, any day," Teja says.

Another one! A green boy.

That would mean Enzo Matrix. Teja would have to find him.

"Was it him then? I'll kick his teeth in!" Vyvyan says.

"Anyway, if it wasn't me as me, how is it my fault?"

"All is usually your fault," Teja says.

"Give a dog a bad name." Vyvyan says, putting the tube of superglue up his nose and snorting it*.

*Disclaimer: As always, a stupid and dangerous thing to do.

"You were the one calling yourself a dog, and rightly so," Teja says, wondering if that stuff would clog his airways.

Would Guppy consent to save hi, or could they just let him die for good?

"It's an expression, ignoramus." Vyvyan says.

"What do you propose to do to me on this unfounded accusation for which I was not responsible?"

"The usual," Teja says. "Only more of it."

"How the hell is that fair?" Vyvyan asks, looking for once, genuinely upset.

"When I had that sneezing fit when you arrested me, did I deliberately sneeze at you then? No, I didn't. So your evidence is that when I was in my right mind, I didn't do it.

Now I didn't complain to your boss even when you cut my hand off, but I'm sick to death of the fact that you've got it in for me, and I'm not standing for it."

"You are a danger to all in this place," Teja says. "Could I banish you forever, I would! You harm the small and defenceless, and make mockery of the weak. I cannot tell how much I despise that."

"That's a bloody lie!" Vyvyan yells. "I've never hit a woman or harmed a child! I've never purposefully done anything to anyone that so much as left a mark unless they went for me first!

My world is a stage, it's all stunts, all props, and that carries over here!"

"It is not stunt nor props to those you harm and frighten and infect!" Teja snaps. "Learn that!"

"I haven't harmed or frightened or infected anyone!" Vyvyan yells.

"Take that time you arrested me for throwing the doctor across the room. Did he fall and break himself? Did he suffer bleeding or bruising. No, he floated just like he was on a wire, and landed on top of you gentle as if he were swung!"

"He was hurt," Teja says, "and the womble was very scared, and those you sneezed upon, got sick. You are not to do that here, and until you understand that, I shall arrest you again and again."

"You already punished me for those, and I already told you that that wasn't me." Vyvyan says.

"It was you," Teja says. "Now come along."

"It wasn't me, it was Mad Gerald." Vyvyan says. "Now piss off."

"Do not resist, or I must use my axe upon you yet again," Teja says.

Vyvyan squares up to him.

"I'm not resisting you, I'm protesting my innocence on grounds of flu-related insanity. I want a lawyer, and fair treatment, like you would any other patron."

"I cannot believe you," Teja says. "I cannot let you get away with this."

"Right." Vyvyan says.

"I'm coming with you only because I don't want anything else cut off. But on this occasion, I'm innocent. On your conscience be it." he says, poking Teja in the chest.

"Do not touch me," Teja says, leading him away towards the cells.

"And remember -- never touch or harm any creature in this place again, but especially not those that work here. No doctors. No wombles. No waitrats."

"Was it that doctor who snitched on me then?" Vyvyan asks, following.

"It was one of the waitrats, I know not which," Teja says, lying glibly for once, as he had promised to protect Guppy.

Vyvyan grumbles. Even the bloody rats are snitching on him now! He's a good mind to deliberately sneeze on every one of them.

When they reach the cells, Teja locks him up and leaves a very brief message -- 'Vyvyan Basterd, the usual, TTT' -- before going back outside.-

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