milliways_bar | (no subject)

Harry is really starting to think that they need to get out of here. Though it was amazing to meet his father, it's not enough to keep him from what's waiting. And the situation with Lily...well, he doesn't want to leave without making it better, but he really doesn't know how to.

Which is why it's awkward seeing her looking like this. He doesn't know if he'll make it worse or not. But he can't not ask.

'Um. Are you alright?'

"Hello, Harry.

"And yeah, I'm fine," she says.

"It's just schoolwork. Sixth year, you know? It's like all the classes got three times harder than they were last year. And Defense Against the Dark Arts always seems to take some getting used to, when the year starts. We've had a different teacher every single year, and I'm just ... I haven't figured the new one out yet."

And she may not have time to.

"How are you?"

'Yeah, sixth year is hard.'

He sits down without asking if it's OK, for once. Progress?

'And I'm alright, thanks.'

Beat.

'I met...James. When he's your age, I mean.'

He wants to ask about the Defence class, but it wouldn't be polite to ignore the question. And if she doesn't know he met his young father, he wouldn't want her to think he didn't tell her on purpose. So.

"He mentioned you two had met," Lily says. "It sounded like it went pretty well."

And then things all went a little wobbly, with her and James.

But they seem to have evened back out, so no sense in mentioning that, right?

"And I know every year is harder than the one before, but this one seems ... exponentially so."

'Yeah.'

He breaks into a grin, perhaps the first genuine one she's seen off him.

'Yeah, we played Quidditch.'

He'll say no more. He's very aware - has thought of little else - that one meeting with his father went smoother than five or six previous ones with his mother. And it's for that reason that he's determined that this one should be different.

'You get used to sixth year. And I know what you mean about new teachers every year being difficult. They still can't keep one more than a year. Who do you have?'

"His name is Lerwick Grindstaff," Lily says, "and he's scary."

Lily waves her wand, and the birds above her head vanish.

"Well, maybe more 'intimidating' than 'scary.' He was a cursebreaker for Gringotts before he came to teach at Hogwarts, and he's just ... very ... gruff.

"Plus, I'm fairly certain he thinks I'm an idiot."

'I had an Auror one year. He was scary at first.'

Well. He thought he had an Auror. And he'll say no more on that either, as Lily will be getting to know him well, soon enough.

'Why would he think you're an idiot?'

He pauses, unsure of whether to add something, and then figuring it couldn't hurt. It doesn't give anything away.

'I had Professor Slughorn for Potions last year. He never stopped telling me what a great student you were.'

Lily smiles a little. "Well, that's Potions. I'm very good at Potions, which I guess sounds a bit vain, but they just make sense to me. I can see how they come together."

She can see how they should come together, too, no matter what's written in the book.

"But have you ever run into a spell you just couldn't get the hang of? It's like ... it's like trying to reach a mug, that's on a shelf above your head, and one inch too far back, and you stand on your tiptoes and reach and you can feel it, your fingers touch it, but you can quite get a grip on it to pull it forward.

"Well, the Patronus Charm is apparently going to be that mug for me this year. And since it's the beginning of the year, he hasn't really seen me reach any other mugs, to completely belabor this metaphor."

'...Patronus Charm?'

Metaphors aside, he sort of knows what she means. Though in all honesty, there are few he's reached that hard for. But the Patronus Charm is one of them, for obvious reasons.

'The thing with that one is that it's a knack. Once you've done it the first time, it becomes much easier. But the more you worry about it, the harder it is.'

He hesitates quite visibly. Because it seems wrong to offer, and wrong not to as well.

'It's important though. Useful.'

She'll know about Dementors soon enough, he should think. But he still hesitates.

"Yeah, since the alternative is risking having your soul sucked out through your mouth, I think it's one I'd like to know."

She'd also like to not get thrown out of Defense Against the Dark Arts. The whole subject falls under things she'd like to know.

She sighs.

"So far I'm just very good at worrying about it. I can't even seem to figure out what memory I should be trying to focus on, nevermind actually managing to focus on it."

The hesitation is spotted.

"Are you any good at it?"

'Well, that's your first mistake. You have to be sure of one, at least the first few times you do it.'

He nods, a little bashfully.

'If you...I mean, I've helped a few other people with it. If you like.'

"You wouldn't mind?

"Helping with someone else's schoolwork at the end of the universe?

"'Cause that'd be rather brilliant, if you really don't mind."

Would he mind? He grins, and shakes his head. He honestly can't think of anything more excellent, at the moment.

'No, I don't mind.'

He stands up, and pulls a wand from his pocket, though he does look at it a little ruefully.

'As long as I can. I've never tried it with someone else's wand - mine got broken. But we'll see. Do you want to go outside, or do it in here?'

Lily frowns, a bit. "I'm sorry your wand got broken. That's got to be a bit weird. Like wearing someone else's clothes or something."

Still, it's good he could borrow one. Until he can get a replacement.

"Outside, d'you think? So we don't disrupt everyone else? It's kind of showy magic, when it works."

Then again, so is having birds circling your chair.

"Not really having an audience is probably for the best, too."

In case it doesn't work.

'Yeah, it's...not the best.'

Not to mention, Draco Malfoy's. But that can't be helped either. He just misses his, and all the times it's saved him.

'OK then, outside. You should still be able to see the Patronus alright.'

He leads the way, nervous but excited too. At least he's not going to have to search too hard for a happy thought to focus on.

"Right," she says, following him.

Though, honestly, she'd be happy with a wisp of silver smoke at this point.

That would count as improvement, right?

He leads her down to a rock by the lake, and draws himself up on to it easily.

'Well - do you want to just try it again from what you know first, or do you want me to talk it through with you before you try?'

He turns the wand over in his hand. It'll be embarrassing if it doesn't work now.

"Talk me through it," Lily says, decidedly.

Because whatever it is she knows how to do, it doesn't work.

He tries to think of what Lupin told him, when he was in her position four years ago. And really, it's kid of hard to be helpful because ti all depends on the person.

'Well...you know it technically, obviously. Find a happy memory, focus on it and then cast the spell. But it's not that easy when standing somewhere safe, let alone under pressure. Like I said though, it does get easier once you've done it a few times, so I think it's about confidence as much as anything.'

'The key is to start with a really strong happy memory. It can be anything, as long as it's really powerful. You have to stop thinking about whether it's really good enough, or what other people might think of it, or if it's the right sort of thing. The only thing that matters is if it made you happy.'

He's not looking at her like he's wondering how she passed her OWL. That alone is helpful.

"Cliona says I'm overthinking it," Lily says. "And she's probably right.

"Okay, happy memory, focus and then ... somehow keep that in your head while you do the technical parts, yeah?"

'She probably is.'

He hops down lightly off the rock, and gives Draco's wand another look over.

'The technical parts aren't too difficult. It might help if you practice the wand action on it's own so that it's second nature. Then you won't have to think about it at all. Because the thing with the memory is that you really need to let it fill you up and take you over. And you need to be able to do it on cue, so that you don't have to think about it when it matters.'

Being near a Dementor is hard enough without having to search for something happy to begin with.

He hesitates, and then thinks of...this. Standing here, talking to his mother. A grin spreads over his face.

'Expecto Patronum!'

And his stag doesn't seem to mind that it's been called by Draco Malfoy's wand, so that's good. A useful thing to remember for when he gets home.

Lily listens, and watches, and tries to take in everything he's saying, and then gets more or less completely distracted by Harry's Patronus.

(Which is not, necessarily, a bad thing. She was overthinking again.)

"I think that's the same shape as James'."

She's reasonably sure his was the deer and Black's the dog. Though not certain.

He watches it a moment, and then she speaks and it flickers, and fades.

'Yeah. Yeah, it is.'

'Your turn.'

"Right," Lily says.

She takes a breath and closes her eyes, and tries to get her mind to the place it's supposed to be for this.

And she remembers ... she remembers being very small, and it being very sunny, and being out in the garden with her father, and they were supposed to be pulling up all the weeds before Mum and Petunia got home, but instead her father was reading to her, And all that he felt at the back of his head were delphiniums (blue) and geraniums (red).

Lily opens her eyes, and levels her wand. "Expecto patronum."

There's a faint wisp of silver, that brightens briefly when Lily smiles at Harry.

No, not smiles. Beams.

Edited 2011-06-04 23:44 (UTC)

He beams back. It's impossible not to.

'I take it that's better than you managed in the lesson?'

"Much," she says.

"Then again, as the Mad Hatter once pointed out, it would very easy to manage more than I managed in class, which was absolutely nothing.

"Should I try again?"

'The Mad Hatter?'

He's never read Alice in Wonderland.

'And yeah, do. The first time I learned this, I just kept at it over and over. I don't think I managed more than you did there, but it probably helped.'

Seeing as he can do it now quite easily.

"Alice in Wonderland, of course," she says.

She closes her eyes again, though only for a second.

This time, there's a shadowy silver shape, still vague and indistinct, but roughly shaped like an animal.

Maybe very roughly shaped, but Lily is not complaining.

'Oh, of course.'

Ahem.

Anyway! There is a shadowy silver shape to be distracted by, and it definitely looks like an animal. So he's definitely not complaining either.

'There you go! You're getting there.'

"You're right, you know. The confidence is definitely helping."

So is not having Grindstaff scowling away at her.

(Though the two are probably closely related.)

After several more (somewhat successful) attempts, Lily takes a breath, and thinks of right now and the fact that she's having a perfectly lovely conversation with Harry, and tries again.

It's not as bright or quite as clear as Harry's, but it is unmistakably an actual, corporeal, recognizable Patronus.

Lily watches the silvery doe run forward.

She probably should have guessed that, shouldn't she?

"Deer must run in the family," she says.

Edited 2011-06-07 00:27 (UTC)

Harry is staring at the doe, wide-eyed and slightly pale. He doesn't...know how what he is thinking can be possible, but he knows what he's looking at.

But how?

'Yeah. Yeah, I suppose they must.'

He drags his gaze off the doe and cuts it sideways at her, full of questions that he can't articulate. There's no way of asking, did you help me, sixteen years after your death? even if she hadn't said she didn't want to know anything that's coming for her.

And if deer do run in that family...the next logical assumption could be that he has a relative he doesn't know about, yet. But surely not. Surely someone would have told him.

Maybe it's coincidence. He just...doesn't see how.

He clears his throat, and attempts to sound normal.

'So, d'you think you'll be able to do that in class? It should get your teacher off your back.'

"I guess I won't know till Monday," Lily says, watching the doe fade. "But I think so, yeah."

And then she laughs and throws her arms around him in a hug.

"Oh, thank you, Harry.

"You're absolutely brilliant."

'...oh.'

Well, that was unexpected. And brilliant. He hugs her back, after an initial pause of surprise, and maybe it's a bit tighter than it should be, maybe he's supposed to be embarrassed, a seventeen year old being hugged by his mother.

But he's not. It's the first time it's ever happened, and he gets tears in his eyes instead.

'...thanks.' Mum. 'Any time.'

Lily doesn't notice anything off about his reaction.

(It's really not that different than the reaction of any teenaged old boy to being hugged by a girl when he's not expecting it, and Lily isn't thinking in terms of being his mother right now.)

"I'll let you know how it goes, in class.

"Next time I see you, yeah?"

'Definitely.'

He lets her go, grinning fit to burst, and slides his wand back in his pocket.

'And if there's anything else you need help with, just ask.'

Beat.

'In that class, I mean. It was always my best one - you're probably better than me in all the rest.'

There's no false modesty there. He knows he's not a stellar student, but then, his work ethic hasn't always been the best either.

'So, I'll, uh...see you then?'

"No selling yourself short, Harry," Lily says.

She's exceptionally good at Potions, she's better than most at Charms. She works very, very hard at the rest of them.

"I'll definitely ask, though. If I have any more trouble. Thanks.

"And, yeah. You'll see me."

He nods awkwardly, but he's still grinning.

And still grinning as he heads back into the bar, too.

That was brilliant.