milliways_bar | (no subject)

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Vyvyan has become aware that a certain... thorn in his side has become temporarily indesposed. Or at least that's what he's willing to assume when he saw a fully rash-covered Guppy disappearing upstairs with an armful of medical texts from around the universe and a bottle of ketchup.

Simce said doctor has been refusing him permission to try and perform surgery on people, Vyv has seized his chance.

Making sure the good doctor is safely 'quarantined' (trapped in his room with planks nailed to the door) he's set up a stall in the main bar.

WALK IN CLINICK
WILL PERFORM MEDASIN FOR MONEY
TOTERLY LEGIT.

Come over... if you dare.

[OOC: DISCLAIMER - Vyvyan is not medically qualified, not a member of infirmary staff and any treatment your pup seeks from him is unlikely to work. He will not however inflict anything permanent or more than a little irritating on any 'patient'.
Anyone who fancies rescuing Guppy also welcome to tag here.

Tinytag: Vyvyan]

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Teja is walking down the corridor upstairs, with Count the cat casually following him (cats don't follow humans as a rule, but they quite happen to be curious about something in the same direction) when he notices the door with the planks nailed to it.

That is a new one.

He knocks, briefly, to make sure there is no problem here.

Guppy, who has largely given up trying to escape, moves back towards the door.

"Who's there?" he asks.

He's got a bit of a... rash problem.

"Guppy?" Teja says. "Is that you, behind that planked-up door?"

"Yeah... that's Teja?"

Guppy scritches his arm.

"Um... I may have picked up some sort of infection. I'm not sure you should come in."

"But you cannot have nailed yourself in from the inside," Teja says, reasonably. "Who put the plans in place?"

"Oh, I think that was Vyvyan. I didn't realise he actually nailed it, just that I got locked in. The door's open if you can get past that but... I don't know if this is infectious."

"You are the healer; you must say," Teja says.

"I can't. I don't know what it is. I asked Remy yesterday and she doesn't know either. The infirmary scanner doesn't recognise it, and I'm not finding it in any alien text books."

"True danger!" Teja says. "Do the other healers know? Would you need help of any kind in your confinement? Food or drink? Should there be a warning?"

Guppy considers for a moment.

"I think we should establish whether it's infectious, and if so how. If it's not, then I can come out and try and work on it. I have some food..."

Well, mostly ketchup... delicious ketchup.

"Can you do me a favour and go down to the infirmary and see if the computer has isolated any organisms off the samples I put in yesterday? Sometimes things take time to grow."

"What button do I press?" Teja asks, meekly.

He picks up Count. They're not going to the food bowl right away yet.

Guppy gives him some instructions.

"Er, and check if Vyvyan is behaving please."

Teja goes away, and does as instructed.

Ten minutes later, he is back.

"The machine said it an was unrecognised organism that is transmitted through saliva, blood and ingestion of either of those," he says. "One would assume you ought not to kiss your wife, or feed a vampire. And why did you leave that horrible student in charge of your clinic session?"

"He's running my CLINIC?!"

Guppy sounds as alarmed as he is.

"I'm Bound, Frogspawn and the kids are safe. But I didn't leave Vyvyan in charge. In fact, I told him he wasn't to go anywhere near the infirmary."

"I shall tell him to desist," Teja says, "and otherwise, arrest him?"

"If you can pin charges on him, go for it." Guppy says. "Thanks Teja."

Beat.

"Since I'm not dangerously contagious, would you mind unnailing me first please?"

"I can do that," Teja says.

He takes his axe to the boards, and then rips them out.

It takes a while, though, and is quite noisy.

"Thanks." Guppy says, peeping out the door.

"Tell me honestly, how bad do I look?"

"Like the plague of something truly dire!" Teja says, taking a step back.

Guppy sits back behind the door.

"I'm terrified, Teja. Can't stop shaking. I don't know what to do."

He takes a deep breath.

"I suppose the sensible thing would be to try and broad spectrum antibiotic, in case that works." He passes his key over. "Can you go into the cupboard in the infirmary, right side, and bring me back the box labelled Tazocin, seven days, please?"

Teja takes the key. "I can," he says.

Another ten minutes later, he returns with the package.

"Thanks." Guppy takes it through the door. "I don't know if it'll work, but I have to try something."

Calm down calm down.

There's nothing to worry about

"Of course you do," Teja says. "If I see another looking like you, I shall know he or she has been infected -- but how would they? You kiss none but your wife, and one supposes you feed no vampires, either?"

"I think it's safe to say that I've not infected anyone." Guppy says. "But something or someone must have infected me. I had a cut on my hand, and that's where the rash started."

He shows Teja the bite mark, too tiny to clearly see what it is.

"So you had the cut, and then touched whichever it was that carried the illness?" Teja says.