milliways_bar | (no subject)

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[[After this]]

Urquhart is lounging on a sofa by the fireplace, reading a book and sipping whiskey from a glass that is is dangling from his fingers while he is reading. Why worry if there's nothing else you can do? As long as the ceiling's not crumbling in his whiskey, Urquhart won't be bothered.

Especially as he knows the dog (who is snoring cutely by his master's feet) will be going to safety, one way or another.

[[OOC: All other threads timed to before Moist's! Thank you! And now -- warnings for acute if glossed-over sex stuff and blood and gore AND hellhounds on the Moist thread! Also, weirdness turned up to eleven.]]

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Urquhart's hand on Moist has become urgent, fast, hand, and demanding, even while his own breathing is already calming.

"No time left," he gasps, still regaining his breath, "so you'd need to get used to it -- come on, hey you!"

Stroking Moist to get him off while Teja looks on with that pole-axed face is such fun, he could almost immediately...

Urquhart knows just what Moist needs and he moans and arches coming and relaxing against him.

Teja rolls his eyes, and sighs. Should he be asked if there was not an edge of pleasure in watching them like this, he would have to lie to say that no, of course there was not!

"This place is ending," he says, poking them with the blunt end of his axe, as if he did not trust himself to touch Urquhart with his hands, "so I will not lock you in the cells, as Alfred here might die with this place needlessly, and not take the dog to his world, as he should."

Jab.

"But" -- another jab -- "you need to leave here right now, and take yourselves to one of your rooms."

Jab!

Urquhart grabs the axe, pulling at it.

"Teja," he says. "Don't. Just don't. It's all right."

He considers just inviting him to join them, but probably shouldn't -- not in public like this, and not without at least warning Moist.

Moist looks between them and sighs, pulling a handkerchief from his pocket to clean himself and Urquhart,

"Calm down."

"I cannot believe you two!" Teja says, pulling at his axe, and staring at what Moist is doing.

Actually doing there in front of his very eyes!

He laughs, and pulls at his axe.

"You can, Teja," Urquhart says, pulling in turn, "you know what to expect off me by now, don't you?"

He winks at Teja, and pulls at the axe-shaft. Hmmm, shaft...

He gives Teja a speculative look, and at the next, more energetic jerk on the weapon (the blades of which are forgotten in this odd tug-of-war), is briefly distracted by thoughts of asking the Goth to join them, in all seriousness.

The shaft slips from his slippery palm, and Teja, distracted as well by that look in the Scot's amber eyes, does not regain control of the axe fast enough, so he staggers backwards, and the axe swings around with great momentum.

As Teja and Urquhart seem to be talking with their eyes which is odd, Moist watches the axe and when it swings around, gets off Urquhart's lap.

That's dangerous and he doesn't want any sharp blades near him.

The axe whooshes around, and the sharp blade of folded steel finds its mark all on its own.

The momentum is great enough, the blades keen enough, to neatly lop off Urquhart's head in one neat stroke.

Blood splashes everywhere.

Urquhart is quite dead, unable to appreciate the irony in that this time, no catmonster was involved, but his head still came off in a bizarre manner.

Moist stares and grabs Franz as Urquhart's blood ends up on both of them, "Don't do that!"

Teja looks at the dead Urquhart, and the shocked Alfred, and the dog, who begins to wail loudly, cowering against his only remaining human.

"I did not mean this!" Teja gasps. "And he shall be back, as he was dead already -- if this place prevails, he shall be back!"

There is blood everywhere, on Teja as well, dripping from the ends of his black hair, adding unspeakable grimness to his face.

"But you did! I don't care and I hate axes. Franz, shh, I'll get you clean and we'll be safe,"

He murmurs to Franz and dries to wipe the blood off of him but they both have splatters on them. This is going to make going back trickier. Yet he can't and won't stay here.

"You do not care that your lover might be back, unless this place falls?" Teja says.

That one, admittedly, feels increasingly likely.

"And axes are not to blame, but the hands that wield them."

"Whether I care or not is none of your business. He's dead and horribly dead by your axe. You have no right to make any of your horrible pronouncements on us so just go away!"

This wasn't what he wanted. It's been bad enough that his last few jobs have only just worked by the slimmest of margins and now this.

It is at this moment that a pale brunette appears, wrapped in a big purple sweater and wearing an expression of shock.

"Oh my God, no ..."

She stares at Urquhart's decapitated body.

"It's not the same if you're already dead, you big jerk!"

She rolls her eyes. "Okay, does anybody need this corpse for anything?"

What a very odd question!

"I do not need it, no," Teja says, bewildered, and still shocked at what he just did.

He does not know, though, that Ava has a right to this body.

The dog howls, heartbroken.

Moist stares at Ava, she's unexpected but then this whole experience is as well,

"Yes, take care of his body, please. We're leaving. I wonder which god I angered for this mess."

It takes a few tries to stand up and get himself in order as he doesn't want to let go of Franz.

"I can do that!" she replies cheerfully.

When the hellhounds are done with it, there won't even be bloodstains.

Ava winces briefly. Unleash the hounds ...

A series of guttural growls begins to sound, and Urquhart's body-- head included-- jerks unnaturally, as if being pulled or dragged by something invisible.

"Come on, good dogs," Ava coos.

"Let's go outside!" More barks. The body continues to slide. "Good dogs!"

Franz gives a whimper and howl, scared and worried by the hellhounds; but when they drag off his poor dead human's body, he starts growling at them -- surely, they can't do that!

Teja reaches down, and picks up the head with the partly chopped-off long blond hair, and throws it for the hellhounds, towards the back door, to draw them off the poor mortal beast that would tangle with those monsters.

Moist holds Franz, murmuring to him in Uberwaldian, this is a horrible mess. He's going to go back out that door with Franz and get as drunk as possible. Once he's sure that he can walk and move, he nods to them both and turns to leave with every measure of dignity he can muster which is a good bit.

Ava winces again, mentally jerking back on the hounds' metaphorical psychic leashes to prevent them from lunging at the meatsack dog and the dude taking their severed head.

"Have a good one, guys!" she calls pleasantly to Teja and Moist.

"Whosa good hound ..."

And she, Urquhart's body, Urquhart's head, and a pack of invisible fiends vanish out the back door.

Teja collapses on the floor, cradling his axe, and hiding his face in his hands, blood dripping from his hair and fingers.

What has just happened??

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