First Entry: Walking Into The Wrong Bar

[half_grendel]

The door to the bar opens, and a pale, dark-haired young man in a a black leather jacket, a long-sleeved black T-shirt emblazoned in red with the words EAT ME, black jeans and black sneakers slouches in.

Unlike most people, he doesn't look surprised at the sight of a bar. He barely spares anyone seated at the tables, the booths or the bar herself a glance; he just trudges toward the counter as if he's expecting to go back there and mix drinks.

"Hey, Ishiah," he calls out as he approaches the counter, "where're all your waiters today? I don't see so much as a pinfeather. Is today a national holiday for peris?"

He pauses as if expecting an answer--then frowns, as he doesn't get one.

"Ish?"

No answer. Frowning, he scans the room, plainly looking for any sign of what's wrong...and then he spots the Observation Window.

"What. The. FUCK?"

Even as he's saying this, he's reaching under his jacket for a handgun. This has less to do with a desire to harm anyone who happens to be inside the bar and more to do with the fact that there is a goddamned APOCALYPSE outside and he wants to be armed and ready when he finds the thing that blasted the Ninth Circle into outer space and has somehow triggered the meltdown of the universe.

Feel free to talk to him, interrupt him, disarm him and/or arrest him.

***


(Basic info on Caliban "Cal" Leandros is available here; physical description--including smell--is available here. Also, because he does this in canon, he's carrying multiple weapons (a tekko in his left pocket, at least one knife at the back of his jacket, and two handguns, one of which is a Glock strapped to his ankle) and the handgun he's reaching for is his favorite weapon, a loaded black matte Desert Eagle.)

Comments

[aaaaaaaagh_sky]

"Sir?" says the scar-faced, grey-haired young woman in the dark green fatigues at a nearby table. "You might want to not do that. Nobody's going to attack you here."

[half_grendel]

That earns a pause, if only because he's not used to anyone calling him "sir." And then he does a double-take, because Ish's clientele tends to be on the visibly non-human side and this young woman definitely does not fall into that category.

"I'm not so much worried about me. I'm worried about whatever blasted a bar from New York City into outer space."

His hand is still hovering near his jacket, but he has stopped for the moment.

[aaaaaaaagh_sky]

"Oh, it's not the New York City bar," Ellen says. "The door opened onto a different dimension that somebody happened to put a bar up in. New York's still on the other side of your door and you'll probably see the bar you meant to go to once you go back. It's kind of comic-book, I know."

[half_grendel]

"Um...actually, not all that unused to comic-book-style weirdness." Though if his life were a comic book, it would be a very dark one, filled with shadows, sharp angles and monsters.

Still, he turns toward the door, clearly intending to walk back to it and test her theory.

And he freezes.

"Is the door made so that you can't see it unless you're really close to it?" he asks, his voice as tense as the rest of him. "I hope that's the case. Been trapped in a different dimension before. Don't want it to happen again."

[aaaaaaaagh_sky]

"No, but it disappears temporarily sometimes," Ellen says. "It always comes back, though. And it opens onto the moment you left, for whatever reason. I'm not sure how it works, just that it does."

[half_grendel]

Cal relaxes a bit. Okay. It's not gone forever. And I'll go back to when I left, so Nik won't have time to panic.

Which is good. It still leaves him stuck here, but not scaring Nik is good.

He looks at the grey-haired young woman. "I--thanks. Sometimes you get so used to seeing things as a threat that you just treat everything like a battle, even before it becomes one."

There's an apology in his voice and his tone, if not his words.

"My name's Cal. Cal Leandros. What's yours?"

[aaaaaaaagh_sky]

"It happens," says Ellen. "My name's Ellen Park. I've been coming here for the better part of a year now. On my side of the door, anyway. Around here it's been at least two Christmases, but time flows differently here and all."

[half_grendel]

Well, time running differently in a strange dimension is familiar. Not particularly welcome. But familiar.

"Good to meet you, Ellen. So...what exactly should I expect from this place? Aside from weird timelines."

[aaaaaaaagh_sky]

"People from multiple different worlds," Ellen answers promptly, "and different versions of history. I keep meeting people from weird alternate timelines where the wrong man was first on the moon and things called micro-chips got developed instead of atomic power. Um, lots of non-humans, although the humans outnumber them. People who're apparently dead, even though they look just fine- they tell me they're dead but I can't find a pulse on them when I try..."

[crabbycustomer]

Karkat likes this guy's style.

"yes, okay, let's shoot the astronomical phenomenon in the pan it doesn't have, that will definitely solve your problems."

[half_grendel]

Karkat does not get so much as a second look from Cal. As far as he's concerned, this is a peri bar and peri bars tend to cater to non-humans, so Karkat being here is completely normal.

"I wasn't planning on shooting the astronomical phenomenon," with exaggerated patience. "Whatever brought the bar here--or whatever is causing the phenomenon, yeah, probably. Unless it would get everyone in here killed, which, surprise, I'm not in favor of." Another scan of the bar. "Or unless it's already been and gone."

Which would be annoying.

[crabbycustomer]

"yeah, the security people here generally frown on people make summary decisions about shooting people, it's the craziest fucking thing. and frankly getting shot by panicky new guys is kind of becoming a sore subject with me."

He waves dismissively at the window. "that's nothing, it's on the other side of a billion shields and we're in a timeloop, it's supposed to be like that. you are not where you were expecting, suck it up and put the handcannon away."

[half_grendel]

"Fuck, why would I shoot you? You're not doing anything."

He hasn't actually drawn the handcannon, but he does lower his arm. There. Not touching the jacket or the gun.

"...timeloop?" How the hell did someone or something create a timeloop? "Who the hell puts a bar in a timeloop around a cosmic meltdown? And if I'm not where I was expecting to be, tell me--where am I?"

Sarcastically expressed. But yes, knowing would be good.

[crabbycustomer]

"man, i don't know, go ask the guy who shot me the other day, he is the jackass blowing holes in his skull to see what happens. you could ask him who put the bar here, too, because he is just as likely as anyone else to know. everyone here just showed up, like you just did."

"and obviously you know where you are, you are in a bar inside a timeloop around a cosmic meltdown. but they call it milliways because that's a fucking mouthful."

[half_grendel]

"He couldn't figure out that if he blew holes in his skull, he would have holes in his skull plus a lot of pain? And why'd he shoot you? Was he afraid you were gonna sarcasm him to death? If so, good job."

Yes, that might be a gleam of approval in Cal's eye.

"Milliways, huh? So who's here, aside from you and me and the member of the Hole-in-the-Head gang?"

[crabbycustomer]

He shrugs. "well he was dead already, he wanted to see what would happen i guess. i would approve of his experimental rigor if he hadn't decided to add me to the experiment."

"anyway, what the hell kind of question is that? it's just a bunch of people from different points along different timelines. most of them are human, some of them are dead. most of them are assholes, but that is pretty much a constant across all of paradox space."

[half_grendel]

"Experimental rigor." Cal snorts at this. "I had a guy pull something like that on me once. Guy was a walking plague AND an asshole, if that's not redundant, so he decided, 'Hey, you, you're insanely healthy, so why don't I see if I can create a germ that will make even you sick?' He could. My feeling was that if he was going to experiment, he should start with himself, but I guess that wasn't fucking interesting enough for the Plague of the World.

He listens to Karkat's description of the place. Most of them human? MOST? And the humans don't care?

The dead part, though, gets a question. "Okay, the dead people. Are they really dead or do they just look like it? Because I've seen things that look like shrouded rotting corpses back home, and they're not dead. They're dumb as bricks and they have all the appeal of a maggoty woodchuck, but they're not dead. In fact, they're hard as fuck to kill, which makes them the go-to mooks for a lot of monster types."

[claudiometer]

Claudia does look up from her computer when the guy gets around to 'what the fuck' - just in case, since you never know when weird's going to happen. (Well. Weirder than usual.)
But when she sees what he's looking at, she says, "Relax, dude, that's supposed to be doing that."
(Unlike all the world-ending they were dealing with a few weeks ago.)

[half_grendel]

Supposed to be doing that?

He shakes his head and slowly lowers one arm. He's tense and he's still scanning the room, but...he's not trying to draw a gun at the moment. "Of all the bars in all the universes, I had to pick the one that thinks hanging out around apocalypses is a great idea."

Then he turns to the girl at the computer and asks, "Now. Big question. Why is it supposed to be doing that? And how did I get from New York City, 2012, to...wherever and whenever this is?"

[claudiometer]

"Oh, that's no apocalypse, it's just the end of the universe." She sounds more flip than she feels - but then, she was here for the worst of the actual apocalypse.
"Welcome to Milliways," she says, figuring that'll answer two out of three questions. "I understand the door sneaks up on most people the first time."

[half_grendel]

"Oh, only the end of the universe. Glad to know that won't be the actual apocalypse.

"And...yeah, I guess you could say it did. I was walking into work. Crossed the threshold, and bam, I was here. I mean, this place doesn't look like The Ninth Circle, but I figured that my boss had done some overnight redecorating. Not that I was suddenly in a bar in the Twilight Zone.

"I take it you weren't taken by surprise when you first came here?

"Oh, and I'm Cal Leandros." He shrugs. "It's short for Caliban. What's your name?"

[claudiometer]

"Claudia Donovan. Good to meetcha. And you missed the actual apocalypse by three or four weeks."
She wishes she were kidding. This whole thing where she actually has post-traumatic stress to deal with instead of just Artifact-related shenanigans sucks; at least the latter kept to a schedule.
"No, we have about the only door I've heard of around here that goes here and only here, at home. And who am I to ignore the fact that we have a door to Milliways?"

[half_grendel]

"I've already fought three or four going-to-be-apocalypses back home. I'm kinda glad I missed the one here." The relief in his face says he means every word. "So what kind was it? Alien invasion, mystical plague, insane cannibalistic immortals, what?"

He grins at her. "Hey, if I had regular access to a bar between the worlds, I'd use it. Anyone in their right mind would.

"Who's 'we'?"

[claudiometer]

"Well, there were monsters. And universe-munching-on types duking it out for snacktime rights. And the whole place nearly got sucked into a black hole. But on the bright side, I got to chuck a nuke into a wormhole."
Claudia grins - that's exactly what she told Artie about it, but did he get it? nooooooo. "Warehouse 13. If we exist in your world, you probably haven't heard of us."

[half_grendel]

"You chucked a nuke in..." There is a flabbergasted look followed by a huge, huge grin. "Okay. That was--you know, I can't think of a better word than 'awesome.'

"What stopped the black hole and the universe-munchers?

"I don't know if we've got a Warehouse 13 in my world," he says, mulling this over. "We could. We've got everything else. Including long-lived, slow-aging mutants who live on liquid iron supplements and shun sunlight, a trickster god who sells used cars, undead mummy cats, and a werewolf Mafia. What does Warehouse 13 warehouse? Aside from a door to another dimension."