milliways_bar | (no subject)

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Oh, hey, so that's what it looks like when a dwarf the height of a nine year old boy with the proportionate mass of a professional rugby player realizes he's forgotten something. Bet you didn't know Varric could leap over the-

Ow. Well, nobody said he could leap over the bar well.

"I'm all right," comes the muffled voice, and a bit later the sign goes up:

Special:

Anything that does not remind me of Orzammar

Those of you who are into the taste of fermented lichen are just plain out of luck.

Right, well, some days you get happy hours like that.

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"...that's a thing?"

Says the very pregnant human woman reading the specials board.

"It is for dwarves," says Varric blandly. "Don't let the stories fool you. Dwarven beer is nasty stuff. Strong, most of the time, but nasty stuff. Humans have the best of it, if you ask me."

"I think I'll take your word for it," says the woman, hefting herself up onto a stool. "Even if I weren't eight months pregnant. If I want strong alcohol that tastes like ass, I can find plenty at home."

"Fair enough," says Varric. "What'll it be instead, then?"

"Hot chocolate," she replies. "Extra marshmallows."

He's going to have to get out the book for that, but eventually-

"Ah. Right. Here we go... give me a moment. I don't recognize this as a Free Marches kind of thing."

"You should try some," says the human woman encouragingly. "It's really good."

"Why not?" says Varric, and reaches for a mug. "Although I do have to say, I'm not really clear on the whole 'marshmallow' concept."

"It's basically just a lump of sugar and gelatin, as I understand it," says the woman. "Nothing to fancy."

"Huh. Interesting," says Varric. "I may need to look into making those myself. There's more than a few people in Kirkwall who'd pay a good piece of coin for a treat like that."

"I assume that's where you're from?"

"Yep. City of Kirwall in the coastal Free Marches, across the Waking Sea from the nation of Ferelden," says Varric. "My parents and older brother were born in Orzammar, but I'm surface born and raised- Varric Tethras, at your service."

"Alyx Vance," says the woman. "And... I have no idea where any of those places are."

"I get that from a lot of people here," says Varric. "Don't worry about it. You might've met a friend of mine here, Marian Hawke- human, around your height, dark hair, blue eyes?"

Alyx considers this a moment, then shakes her head. "Doesn't ring a bell."

"Mm. All right. The only other person I can think of who comes here is Fenris- elf, skinny fellow, glowing lyrium tattoos all over him, broods like a champion," Varric says. "But if you haven't met him either, it's... probably just as well. His bark isn't much worse than his bite, but he barks more and his bite's nasty to begin with."

"Fair enough," says Alyx. "I'm guessing if I told you that I was originally from New Mexico, moved to what used to be West Virginia, and am currently on a boat off the coast of Poland, that wouldn't mean anything to you?"

"Not a thing," Varric admits. "Although they all sound like fascinating places, if the names are anything to go by."

"I guess that depends on your perspective," says Alyx thoughtfully. "I haven't spent much time sightseeing in any of 'em. ...How's that hot chocolate coming?"

"Almost done, I think," says Varric. "Do marshmallows come in bags of... some kind of clear stuff, printed with ink?"

"...possibly?" she shrugs. "I haven't seen 'em packaged."

Varric holds a bag up for inspection.

Because this is Milliways, it is a bag of Stay-Puft Brand Marshmallows (25th Anniversary Edition!).

"Yeah, those're marshmallows."

"All right. How many of them do I add?"

"As many of 'em as you can fit and still get the hot chocolate in there."

Edited 2012-03-13 04:14 (UTC)

Varric thinks about this for a bit. Then he picks up a sturdy mug and starts cramming it with marshmallows; he'll pour the chocolate in over them shortly. Seems like the easiest way.

...that wasn't quite what Alyx meant, but she'll take it!

Hear that sound? That's the sound of Kirkwall's apothecaries rallying to deal with the sudden, weird rise in what later generations might one day call diabetes.

"Need a spoon?"

"Yeah. Maybe even a fork."

"Can do," says Varric, and hands the implements over. "Is this kind of thing common in your country?"

A faint snort of laughter. "Hardly. I don't think chocolate even exists at home, anymore."

"Tei-ceti sasparbeer, three bottles of it please."

...says the vaguely familiar looking blonde young man, smelling of onions, garlic and other kitchen work smells.

"And if my paper wrapped bottle of the same whiskey is down there, I'll take that too."

"Give me a minute to have a look," says Varric. "Someone left this place a serious mess recently."

"Less 'left it a mess' and more 'got invaded and is still cleaning up'." Beauford adds, just a little in defense of this place.

"If you're talking about the last bartenderhowever, yeah things are probably a mess. Sasparbeer's the brown bottles, blue label, stars, and if you can't find my bottle, I'll settle for a big glass of whatever the heck you like."

"I meant the bartender. The rest of the place just looks like somebody had an especially vigorous brawl at the Hanged Man," says Varric. "And I think I can get you those bottles- just give me a moment, I think I saw them over... yep. Here we are."

"Yeah that happens, next time I get a shift up front I'll try and reorganize everything properly."

...if someone took his Tei Ceti Whiskey he will be mightily and righteously pissed.

"Mhm...So...lichen beer?"

"Orzammar," says Varric, "is the largest city of the old dwarven empire, the jewel of the Deep Roads, the home of a thousand generations of dwarven tradition. As such, it's lit by torchlight, lava flow, and lyrium veins, none of which are any good whatsoever at growing surfacer plants. Since the urge to brew is pretty much a constant across the races, with the possible exception of the Qunari, the folk of Orzammar have traditionally made do with the local product- which is to say, beer made from lichen and fungus and the occasional fermented moss. Don't ask me how they pull that one off, because I really don't want to find out."

"...you know, I like to think of myself as being fairly open-minded about my fermented drink products..." Beauford starts. "I should hope I never wind up in a situation so dire where lichen beer is the closest thing I've got to drink."

"To the sentient's need to get tippled on whatever is handy though."

"And to the forty different kinds of the stuff served at Tapster's Tavern. May I never have occasion to darken their doorstep," says Varric. "Oh, here's that other bottle of yours..."

"Yes come to Uncle Beauford, he needs to get to sleep tonight."

Beauford just grins reaching for that bottle with one hand. The other got occupied by an open bottle of sasparbeer in a very short amount of time.

Varric hands it over. "Long day?" he says sympathetically.

"Long week, and one that will make me appreciate getting a real damn bed soon." Beauford answers, grabbing a shotglass. "No door home and a lot of nervous energy put into kitchen shifts."

"Ouch. I'd offer to let you have a few days in my home city, but Kirkwall... mmm, you'd stick out," Varric says. "And since I base my operations out of the Hanged Man, you'd be in Lowtown more than anywhere else. You'd spend most of your time fending off pickpockets and other such charmers."

"...between the tailoring and the relatively good health and looks? Thanks but yes, I'd find myself drugged, kidnapped, stripped naked and ransomed within a block."

...though the thought of breaking some theives into gibbering shadows of people is something that almost has a soothing quality to it. Just not in this identity.

"Sleeping in here is about what you'd expect, except less pickpockets."

"And fewer brawls," Varric agrees. "It's almost... unnatural, being in a tavern this quiet. Even in Hightown there's usually somebody throwing his weight around once or twice a week."

"I think here it is at best, once a year some newbie decides to throw a tantrum. The last guy picked the worst time to harass one of security though."

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