milliways_bar | (no subject)

(no subject)

Nick comes down from his room. He's cleaned up since...the last few days. He looks a little lost, but his clothing and hair and appearance is otherwise impecable. He nearly stumbles on the way to the bar, eyes staring at anything but the actual environment around him. He sits. He stares.

He orders some food and begins to sip.

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"I don't know."

There's a hint of desperation in his voice.

"Do you want me to stop? Do you want me to go? Do you...want me to take my hands from you?"

He looks at Alex.

"Do you want me to kiss you again?"

"I don't know what I want. Nothing makes any sense anymore."

"When did this make any sense?"

He laughs softly, not the hysterical laughter of the other night.

"Mithros, I'm fucked up..."

"You're not alone...on that."

He looks down at the Bar again.

He might be crying. It's hard to tell.

Nick's thumb rubs along Alex's cheek. It's been doing that. He might be wiping away tears. It's hard to tell.

His eyes are closed, and he's shaking just the slightest bit.

"Oh, gods..."

Nick leans over...and very carefully presses a light kiss to Alex's cheek. He stands...and finally does what he's wanted to do for some time.

He wraps his arms around him and holds him. Loose...loose enough that Alex could easily get out; Nick's arms aren't even totally around him. But he holds him and presses his forehead to Alex's.

"I know."

He doesn't try to get out from the circle of Nick's arms, doesn't flinch or stiffen or freak. It's almost a relief to be held like this.

Nick just stays there and lets Alex take what he can from this.

"I won't move until you want me to. I won't...do anything unless you want me to."

Almost in a whisper, "I don't want to fight. I don't want to fight her."

Nick nods and pulls Alex just the tiniest bit closer.

"You don't have to. Things...things will work out. I...don't know how, but they will. Meg doesn't want to fight you any more than you want to fight her. We just..."

He sighs and allows his head to drop a little onto Alex's shoulder, his lips only a few inches from Alex's ear as he whispers.

"We'll figure something out, Alex. We will. I know Meg."

His eyes close.

"But I do have to. I have to - I have to save him. Have to help him. S'what I've been trying to do for... I don't know, since before the stuff with security happened. It's... important. I have to..."

He looks confused for a moment, and lifts one hand to his temple.

Nick covers the hand very gently with one of his own.

"I know, Alex. And we'll figure things out. I...know less about this than you, Alex, but...I know that things can be worked out. Without anyone hurting anymore."

He's still looking confused.

"I can't think properly..."

Nick shrugs.

"Never stopped me."

He laughs again, and again it sounds choked and brittle.

Nick doesn't say anything but he pulls Alex a little closer. Finally, he leans down and looks at Alex.

"Don't."

He bites his lip to stop the laughter, looking down.

"Sorry."

"Not for me, for you."

He kisses Alex. Gently.

He wants to ask why Nick cares. He wants to, but he doesn't, because it's been too long since he's been held by someone.

"I don't understand anything anymore."

"That happens."

He's been around for 800 years. Everything has happened at one point or another. Except perhaps this.

"This thing, where I can feel when you're here, how long does it last? Is it because of the blood, or something else?"