milliways_bar | (no subject)

(no subject)

Nick comes down from his room. He's cleaned up since...the last few days. He looks a little lost, but his clothing and hair and appearance is otherwise impecable. He nearly stumbles on the way to the bar, eyes staring at anything but the actual environment around him. He sits. He stares.

He orders some food and begins to sip.

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Kitt stiffens, coming near to recoiling... but then he quietly speaks - "Perhaps it's not so simple for humans. I can put some limiter in place. But I saw what happened. Michael loved Stevie and she left. If she hadn't, Michael would have left me. I nearly told Bonnie, and she wouldn't even break out of that drug's hold for me. No. I'm not going to let that happen."

He consciously does not mention how Nick loves Natalie, and her leaving. To him, he's seen example after example. He has no reason to believe otherwise.

"So please don't say you love me. Say you care, if you have to say anything."

Now he focuses on Kitt.

"It's a word, Kitt. Whether I say I care for you or that I love you...the reality of the emotion is the same. What do you have against that word, Kitt?"

"People leave when they love... People leave and it hurts. Peo-- ... Humans. Humans can get over it, humans have memories that fade with time. I'll never forget if..."

He went quiet. Then he shook his head, looked away. "I'm only now better again. I don't need to talk about this. I don't need to talk about this because it'll get worse again."

Nick doesn't move.

"I'm not human. I don't have memories that fade with time. I never forget."

He blinks.

"I won't make you relive it if it'll cause you pain...but it's not love, it's not a word or even the emotion that causes people to leave. It's...just fate. Chance. What happens. It just hurts more when you want them to stay."

"...Do you see, then? Do you see why there will never be a happy ending for me? I'll never be able to let go."

Kitt closed his eyes, looked down at the floor as he reined himself in. Subconsciously, he checked his watch - his comlink, which he could alter through his CPU. He checked his system integrity, and was gratified to find it at ninety-eight.

Maybe Michael wouldn't have noticed.

"I'll need to go for a bit soon. Michael promised Terri that he would take her out dancing all night long. He's been getting ready and having a meal."

And Kitt privately suspected that Michael might not be in driving condition when the night of dancing was over.

It was so much easier to think about responsibility.

Nick takes Kitt's hand in his own.

"There are no happy endings, Kitt. There never are, there never have been, and there never will be. There is happiness. And you have to appreciate it when it's there. And when it's not there, remember it and cherish it and thank...whoever you have to thank that you had it. And then look for it again."

"That's how it works for people who aren't like me," Kitt said softly. "I'll blow my own CPU before I try to survive that way."

"That's how it works, Kitt. Michael knows it as well, I'm sure. And Bonny. And Karr is an example of it."

"Karr wasn't programmed like I was. They never found his dr--"

Too much. He had said too much. He went cold even as he realised it, looked intently at his watch. The number wavered - fell. Just one percent, but that was one percent too much. At least he'd stopped broadcasting that integrity level to Michael. His fresh programming was still too new for him to risk this.

No. No, no.

"I can't talk about this anymore."

And Nick knows what that word was. He knows, and because he was a car...a car betrayed, even, he knows. ~~Nick's gotta stop knowing this stuff...it's hurting MY head and I know I'm smarter than he is...~~

"Why?"

"When Karr reprogrammed me, he nearly changed my primary function. That, along with the emotional impact, kept me unstable. My system integrity dropped. I had a high probability of cascade failure." ... Then he paused, with the technical explanation out of the way, and decided that he needed to speak as if he were explaining it to Devon. Not to Michael. That would likely involve the phrase, "Computer go boom."

"Between Karr's reprogramming and the emotional impact from that reprogramming's effects, I gained what was close to a terminal illness. My software could have failed, one program after another, until there was nothing left of me, unstoppably. The new programming is still very fresh and I'm... stretching my legs, as they say. I'm still slightly at risk."

Nick nods.

"Okay...but...this discussion is postponed...not over."

Kitt nodded. "Postponed. I will.. be back later tonight." Another small nod.

"We will talk."

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