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Lily has no idea what to do about Remus Lupin's birthday.

The problem, really, is that she knows Remus too well to not do something beyond wishing him a Happy Birthday at some point, and not well enough to anything much. And she genuinely likes him, but they're not necessarily friends, but then they've also been prefects together for a year and a half, so they're closer than not friends, too.

It's awkward.

(It just gets more complicated when you factor in that he's one of James' best friends, especially since, all things considered, she and James haven't been dating that long. So she doesn't want to look like she's ignoring it, but she also doesn't want to look like she's trying too hard.)

So, one seventeen-year-old witch, staring off into space and drumming her fingers on the table, trying to suss out what you get your fellow Gryffindor prefect and your boyfriend's werewolf roommate to acknowledge his coming of age.

For the love of Merlin, somebody distract her.

[OOC: ~~Intermittently slow but around for a bit.~~ Experiencing technical difficulties.]

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Karkat is distracting! Especially when he is chasing an orange and black crab around the bar.

(Crabs are hard to chase, because they're fast and walk sideways, but Karkat has a lot of experience with that. It's chairs and tables and other cover that are giving him trouble, and bruises.)

It is probably not a very flattering first impression--grey-skinned fangy monster with horns chasing around a defenseless little crab--but appearances can be deceiving. And he has the pinched fingers to prove it.

'Distracting' she will give him.

Them.

It.

Where 'it' = 'the chase scene' and is not intended as commentary on the participants there in.

Or something.

"Um.

"D'you need help?"

(Granted, she's not sure which of them she's addressing, but perhaps one of them will answer.)

Both of them assume it's addressed to them, and they react, barring differences in species, in about the same way. Karkat jerks his head and bares his teeth, and the crab (Birgus) rears up and waves his claws, displaying a bright orange belly.

Karkat uses this opportunity to snatch him, gripping from the sides where the claws can't get him. The crab waggles his legs furiously at being airborne, then abruptly relaxes. "I THINK YOU DID," Karkat barks. Generous in victory.

Well, that was easy, wasn't it?

Lily looks from the one to the other.

"Friend of yours?" she asks. "Pet?"

Karkat considers this. "I PREFER FRIEND."

The crab is now docile; Karkat settles him on a table (not hers), where he crouches in readiness. Karkat flicks it a chilled roe cube. Which is devoured. "HE HAS BEEN HIBERNATING AND WHATEVER RUDIMENTARY DOMESTICATION YOU CAN EVEN SAY A CRAB HAS PICKED UP HAS MOSTLY WORN OFF."

He reaches out to stroke Birgus but is met with several cube-protective snips.

Edited 2012-05-08 18:19 (UTC)

"Oh, I see," Lily says.

More or less.

She thinks.

"My cat's always a bit like that when we go from home to school. A little skittish until she's used to things in the new place again.

"I'm Lily Evans."

Karkat is legitimately surprised by the introduction; distracted by the crab. it is entirely likely he didn't fully understand social discourse what was taking place here. It's probably for the best; Birgus reins in some of the bombast.

His attention, now that he has succeeded in getting past the pinchers, shifts up and over to focus on her. "KARKAT VANTAS."

(If Lily has been paying close attention in Astronomy, it might be noteworthy that Karkat's shirt-symbol declares his interest in Crabs to the astrologically aware.)

"SO YOU ARE ONE OF THE ONES WHO LIVES AT THEIR HUMAN SCHOOL? AND THEY LET YOU HAVE A CAT?"

"It's nice to meet you, Mr Vantas," Lily says.

There's a slight hesitation over the form of address, and then she errs on the side of overly formal.

"And, yeah, I go to a school called Hogwarts. We're allowed to bring a cat or an owl or a toad with us, if we like.

"I have a cat. Named Hesper."

"OH RIGHT, THE MAGIC SCHOOL FOR WIZARDS, WHICH IS A THING THAT IS COMPLETELY REAL AND NOT MADE-UP AT ALL, OKAY. YOU ARE THE SECOND PERSON I HAVE MET FROM THERE."

Crab update: Birgus is cautiously allowing a certain amount of contact, and rewarded with another cube.

Lily wouldn't be entirely surprised to learn that some parts of Hogwarts are made up, but that would seem to be muddying waters that don't need to be muddied.

"Yeah, there are a lot of us here, as far as I can tell.

"But from all different times."

Karkat makes an expression of horror and disgust. "URGGG, TEMPORAL SHENANIGANS ARE THE TAINTCHAFING WORST. YOU ARE ALWAYS INNOCENTLY INITIATING SOME TOXIC NIGHTMARE FROM YOUR OWN DISTANT PAST OR SETTING YOUR FUTURE SELF UP FOR SOME KIND OF HORRIFIC CLUSTERFUCK OR FINDING OUT SOMETHING YOU CAN'T CHANGE AND ABSOLUTELY DID NOT WANT TO KNOW."

Lily considers this statement for a moment.

"Is that something that happens to you a lot then? Or in your world? Temporal shenanigans?"

"IT IS PRETTY MUCH THE ONLY KIND OF SHENANIGANS THAT HAPPENS ANY MORE," Karkat says wearily. "PAST SELVES, FUTURE SELVES, ALTERNATE SELVES, AND MORE DOOMED TIMELINES THAN YOU CAN SHAKE A GIANT TWO-UNIVERSE-SIZED FLAMING GREEN SPHERE AT."

"Oh, dear," Lily says. "That sounds like a truly dismal headache.

"The Ministry's pretty careful about keeping an eye on time-tampering at home, for us.

"And I try to be careful about what I learn or tell people here."

"YEAH, THIS PLACE SEEMS TO OPERATE UNDER SOME KIND OF SPECIAL DISPENSATION OF THE TIME TRAVEL RULES I'M FAMILIAR WITH, WHICH I DON'T REALLY UNDERSTAND, BUT I GUESS I WILL EVENTUALLY BECAUSE I GOT THAT FROM MY FUTURE SELF, WHICH, CAN I JUST SAY: FUCKING TYPICAL."

"ANYWAY, SO YOU HAVE AN ENTIRE SOCIETY WITH WIDELY AVAILABLE TIME TRAVEL? THAT MUST SUCK."

"You've met yourself from the future.

"God, and I thought meeting my son was weird.

"And it's possible but it's not exactly widely available. I mean, there are magical devices, they're called Time Turners, and they let you go back and relive however many hours, but they're really hard to get and the Ministry controls them. Because otherwise people keep killing their past selves and then never existing or whatever."

Of course, this is the same Ministry that will then hand one over to a thirteen-year-old girl and leave her to use it unsupervised for a year, so it may be easier than Lily thinks.

But that's her story and she's sticking to it.

"YEAH, THAT IS PRETTY MUCH EXACTLY WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE. TIME TRAVEL DEVICES ARE EXCEPTIONALLY RARE IN MY EXPERIENCE, BUT TRANSTIMELINE COMMUNICATION IS COMMON AS GRUBLOAF. SO IT'S NOT SO MUCH THAT I HAVE MET MY FUTURE SELF AS TALKED TO HIM."

"WELL, NOT SO MUCH TALKED TO HIM AS SCREAMED AT HIM, THAT GUY CAN BE A REAL DICK."

"I see," Lily says, though this time she's not sure she does.

"So if he's so unpleasant, and it causes so many problems, why d'you do it?"

"WELL, I COULD HIDE BEHIND THE RATIONALIZATION OF PARADOX PREDESTINATION, I MEAN, THAT IS WHY IT IS ALWAYS SO MUCH MORE HORRIBLE DEALING WITH MY FUTURE SELF THAN MY PAST SELF, BECAUSE IT MEANS I STILL HAVE THE FUTURE HALF OF THE CONVERSATION TO LIVE THROUGH. BUT THAT IS REALLY JUST AN EXCUSE AND FLIES IN THE FACE OF THE ULTIMATE RIDDLE, I HAVE NEVER INITIATED A CONVERSATION WITH MY PAST SELF EXCLUSIVELY AND ENTIRELY BECAUSE I REMEMBER IT HAPPENED. I MEAN, IT ALWAYS MAKES A SORT OF SENSE AT THE TIME."

"HAVEN'T YOU EVER READ SOMETHING YOU WROTE IN THE PAST OR REMEMBERED SOMETHING YOU DID AND WISHED YOU COULD REACH THROUGH TIME AND GRAB YOUR PAST SELF AND TELL HER NOT TO BE SUCH AN IDIOT? THAT SHE IS ABOUT TO DO SOMETHING COMPLETELY STUPID AND PREVENTABLE AND REGRETTABLE?"

"Well, yeah. I think everybody has."

Seven years of interactions with Severus Snape come readily to mind.

And yet.

"But even if I could, then it just gets all twisty and paradoxical. Because if I could stop her then, it wouldn't have happened, and then I wouldn't be trying to stop her from doing it, but if I don't try to stop her then she goes ahead does and so on, yeah?"

Maybe?

"RIGHT, EXACTLY. WELL, I MEAN, WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENS IS THAT YOU CREATE A NEW TIMELINE AND ONE OF THE TWO TIMELINES IS DOOMED, BUT, YES, PARADOXES ARE BAD."

"BUT THAT'S THE THING, TRANSTIMELINE COMMUNICATION IS NOT SPECIAL IN THAT WAY, IT TURNS OUT THAT IN GENERAL YOU CAN'T ALTER THE OUTCOME OF DECISIONS MADE BY MORONS, NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU YELL AT THEM. ALL YOU CAN REALLY DO IS GIVE THEM A HARD TIME AND TRY TO MAKE THEIR LIVES JUST A LITTLE MORE MISERABLE."

He shrugs. "I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE IT IS THE KIND OF THING THAT YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND IF YOU'RE HUMAN, OR UNLESS YOU HAVE FUCKED UP AS THOROUGHLY AND CONSISTENTLY AS I HAVE." Karkat says things like this all the time. It's just a lot more depressing face to face, where you can see how very young he actually is.

Edited 2012-05-08 20:27 (UTC)

It is a fair bit depressing at that.

"I don't know. I mean, I think we all make a lot of mistakes. We just don't have our future selves actually screaming at us about them. Maybe it feels more thorough and consistent than it is?"

"NO, I DON'T THINK WE NEED A FULL REHEARSAL OF ALL THE WAYS I HAVE SHIT THE COCOON IN THE RECENT PAST, BUT REST ASSURED IT IS EXTRAVAGANT AND SHAMEFUL IN THE EXTREME."

Anyway, humans always get weird about stuff like his species going extinct. He pushes past it hurriedly.

"AND ANYWAY OBVIOUSLY I KNOW WHAT I SAID JUST NOW WAS PRETTY DUMB, I'M NOT A COMPLETE HEAP OF GARBAGE... MOSTLY. IT'S JUST SOMETIMES WHEN I AM SUFFICIENTLY PISSED OFF THAT THERE IS REALLY NO OBJECTIVE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ME AND A PILE OF OFFAL, AND FRANKLY NOBODY CAN PISS ME OFF LIKE I CAN. SO YEAH, IN CONCLUSION, TIME TRAVEL IS THE WORST."

Edited 2012-05-08 20:43 (UTC)

"I can be my own worst critic, too," Lily says, but lets the matter otherwise drop.

"And I'll do my best to avoid proper time travel, beyond coming here.

"So where are you from?

"And how's your crab doing?"

"HE'S FINE, HE JUST NEEDED TO CALM DOWN AND STOP FLIPPING HIS SHIT." Which he clearly has now done.

"AND I AM FROM ANOTHER PLANET, OBVIOUSLY, I'M AN ALIEN."

"I don't like to make assumptions here, you know?

"I guess we're none of us from here, right? So we're all aliens?"

He rolls his eyes, and gestures around the room. "THE VAST MAJORITY OF PEOPLE HERE ARE HUMANS. NOT ONLY THAT, BUT OF THE SAME CULTURAL BACKGROUND AND HAILING FROM WITHIN A TIGHT SPAN OF FOUR OR FIVE CENTURIES OF EACH OTHER, SPEAKING THE SAME LANGUAGE."

"THE RULES OF THE BAR ARE WRITTEN FROM A HUMAN PERSPECTIVE, FOR INSTANCE, I SEE PROFOUNDLY FILTHY THINGS GO ON AROUND HERE EVERY DAY, EXACTLY IF NOT MORE UNCOMFORTABLE THAN PLAIN OLD HARMLESS NUDITY, BUT MY OUTRAGE IS ENTIRELY UNENFORCEABLE.

"WHEN YOU GET RIGHT DOWN TO IT, SOME OF US ARE MORE ALIEN THAN OTHERS. EVEN YOU--MOST PEOPLE HERE DON'T HAVE ANY MAGICAL OR OTHER KINDS OF SUPERPOWERS."

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