A penny gets you in, but it won't get you out

[scarred_grin]

...so long story short, Loki had nothing to do with that chalk graffiti in the hallway upstairs, doesn't even own a pair of roller skates, and in any case will not be going near the tequila again anytime soon. Mistakes were made. Jeez, that was like ten hours ago. Can't we all just move on?

In any case, here she is stretched out on the couch in a look that radiates 'off-duty goth barista, probably also an art student': twentyish, crayon-red streaks in otherwise black-dyed hair, lip-rings through her old scars, big headphones, a t-shirt that never fails to amuse her, tiny shorts, and platform boots that if she were standing would make her six and a half feet tall, but right now just help her take up the whole couch. Oh, and fishnet, since after all she'd invented it TRUE STORY

So yeah, there she is, half-drawing half-writing in a notebook, now and then singing along to the music on her headphones, totally botherable if you're feeling brave.



[tinytags: loki (that norse one)][open forever, though slows will happen at some point]

Comments

[ostro_goth]

Teja makes tea -- black tea, with a handful of fresh herbs from the pots on the window-sill -- not speaking much while he does.

The cat comes to rub its face on Loki's big stompy boot, and look up at her with soulful eyes.

"Her name is Myrrh," Teja says, pouring tea.

He brings his visitor a mug, and settles down to his drawings with his own.

While he was making tea, the spider web design seems to have taken shape in his mind; the strokes are sure and deft now, as if he was drawing something he saw before his eyes.

[scarred_grin]

"An excellent name for a cat," she says, leaning down to offer a hand for the cat to investigate. In her experience, cats only tolerate people on their own terms and, unlike people, are hard to convince to change those terms.

People, on the other hand...

"Thank you," she says as he brings her the tea, and after a moment: "Would it bother you if I talk? I don't want to be disruptive."

She does know a thing or two about disrupting forgework, after all.

[ostro_goth]

"Speak, and Myrrh and I will both listen."

Myrrh, indeed, jumps on the workbench and gingerly sniffs at the tea.

"I merely cannot promise coherent answers."

[scarred_grin]

"Don't worry about that," she chuckles as she picks up her tea. "It happens a lot where--I guess I just have a really strong constitution, I don't know, but I'll be hanging out with somebody and there's drinking or something else involved. I'm always the last one conscious, and sometimes I don't realize the person I'm talking to is out cold. You know? You're trying to have one of those big relationship discussions, or you're baring your soul about something, and they're not even awake."

[ostro_goth]

"It would be even more awkward," Teja says, "if on the morn, you knew not if indeed they were awake and remember your words, or not."

[scarred_grin]

"Yeah, exactly. People lie--what if you said something they didn't like and they pretend they weren't awake so they don't have to deal with it? Or you share some dark secret and they pretend they didn't hear it, so you feel safe and then they use it against you. Or they're embarrassed and act like they remember whatever you were saying, even though they don't."

She takes a cautious sip of tea.

"I try not to have relationship talks in the dark anymore. Secrets, though... some things shouldn't be talked about in the light."

[ostro_goth]

"But not without the quiet sound of 'I hear you' back from the one you are sharing your secret with, so you know it is in their hearts and minds, and safely so," Teja says, and takes a sip from his tea.

[scarred_grin]

"I think all most people really want is somebody they can tell their secrets to and have them say 'it's okay, you're okay.' But you'd be surprised how hard that is to find."

She leans back a bit in the chair, watching him.

[ostro_goth]

Teja is drawing, but briefly looks at her.

"But in the end, what one would truly need, is to accept living with that secret, or maybe living out in the open with what used to be a secret, by oneself," Teja says, remembering the things he fought himself over, fiercely, when he was but new to this place. "The most important one to say 'It's okay, you're okay' as you put, will ever be you yourself. Then, you may keep the secret without shame, or stand in the open with it, defying shame."

[scarred_grin]

"I like to think I don't have any secrets," she says, "just things people don't ask about and I don't often volunteer. I may not be a completely open book, but the pages are all there, you know? And I like to think I'm okay, too, but... well, I've been out there so long I don't know if I can trust my judgment."

She shrugs lightly and sips her tea. "How do you know if something's broken in you? We've all only been ourselves, only seen the world as ourselves. So we've got no way to compare to anything."

[ostro_goth]

"If it's broken, it hurts and rubs and jars, and you think about how to make it right," Teja says. "Or you see it, and bear it as making it right is impossible, or comes at too high a price. Dangerous are those breaks that you know not about."

[scarred_grin]

"See, and that's where I am," she says. "I feel fine--I may be fine--but I don't know. And when I try talking about it, when I'm drunk enough to volunteer it... out cold. Every time."

[ostro_goth]

"Maybe you would try to just say it, not drink?" Teja says. "Or find another way of intoxication, that would not send you to sleep?"

Some need the drunkenness, to vanquish that which they have ever been told should be, or should not be.

[scarred_grin]

"I should do that, I really should," she says. "You wouldn't fall asleep on me, would you? Not that I'd hold it against you if you did, you seem like a hard-working man who more than earns his rest. And I'm told I can be exhausting."

The tea? Quite tasty. She takes another sip.

[ostro_goth]

"I need little sleep," Teja says, "and I can listen. I have listened to many."

He ponders.

"Some inhale hemp smoke, instead of getting drunk; it is said the Scythians discovered its properties first..."

[scarred_grin]

"If you mean what I think you mean," she says, "I've done that plenty, and I like it. I haven't found anybody to hook me up with some here though... but to be honest I haven't gone looking. Drugs are more of a social thing for me, when I'm alone I just drink."

[ostro_goth]

"You would not be alone, were I to listen," Teja says. "And I have heard that sort of thing is sometimes found in baked goods. I know the faun that used to run the kitchen sometimes made them."

[scarred_grin]

"I used to know a girl who made the most amazing brownies," she says, with a grin. "She was going to restaurant school and that's how she paid her tuition. Not only were they delicious, but they'd make you feel so good..."

[ostro_goth]

"That is what the faun's were like," Teja says. "Even though I was wary of feeling good at all still, at that point. Alas, he is long gone from this place."

[scarred_grin]

"Why wouldn't you want to feel good?" she asks. "It's a beautiful thing. And if you can't get there by natural means, I don't see anything wrong with... a little help."

[ostro_goth]

"I was still much caught up in the darkness and austerity of my life," Teja admits. "It took me half a year to even shed my armour!"

[scarred_grin]

"Well, I'm glad you did," she says quietly. "I'm glad you came through that, and I hope things are going a lot better."

A pause.

"But I hope you still have your armor, too. I bet you're stunning in it."

Men don't wear armor nearly often enough, in her opinion. Times have changed.

[ostro_goth]

"Of course I do," Teja says. "Have it, I mean."

He would never claim the other thing.

"But they convinced I would not need to wear it every day, in this place."

[scarred_grin]

"...but you'll show me sometime, won't you?" she asks. "I'd offer to show you mine in return, but mine's fake, it's just vinyl. One trip on the dancefloor and it's scuffed to hell. But I'd still show you, if you wanted."

[ostro_goth]

"You have armour?" Teja says. "And yes, you may see the armour I came in with from my death, if you so wish. I have three of it."