(no subject)

[crabbycustomer]

Karkat has a new project underway. A side effect of it is that his table in the corner is looking a little, well...

Monstrous.

To start with there's Karkat himself. Grey skin, horns, fangs, yellow eyes, all the usual stuff. He's accompanied by Birgus the harlequin crab, who is napping but has the semi-monstrous look of even the most inert arthropod. The computer Karkat is waling away in his usual full-contact typing style is similar in the aspects that tend to creep out humans--the jointed legs and spidery shifting sideways movements. Only, you know, a robot. And then there's the project itself.

On the table is a fat black worm the size of Karkat's arm, with bat wings. It is gross. Flapping overhead, hovering, are two creatures called gaming flapstraction. They look like glowing bats. One is flapping over Karkat's head, projecting a field of useless stastical bars. Directly underneath the flapstraction is what looks like some kind of six-legged frilled gila monster, hissing and baring its fangs in a slightly repetitive holding patterns. Occasionally the lizard seems to flicker, or stutter, betraying that it's a hologram. (There's also another of those pointless status bars projected in the air over its head.)

All in all, if this were Dungeons and Dragons, you could probably massacre this entire corner without setting off a Detect Evil.

Go ahead and ask what the hell is going on. Or just attack? He is also signed on as chirurGeneralist, for people who don't want to get too close to whatever is going on there.

Comments

[hecu_marine]

The lizard thing is being looked at by several smallish Satanic Christmas hams full of eyeballs. Some of them are up on their individual hind legs.

(Shephard's taken the puppies out of the Greenbrier for the day.)

[crabbycustomer]

The lizard ignores them steadfastly; without a gaming flapstraction and stats of your own, you Do Not Exist as far as the hologram is concerned.

Karkat frowns down at them from behind his crabtop, though. He does not say "OH IT'S YOU THINGS," because animals can't talk. That would be stupid. He does toss the remains of his starfish sandwich into the fray.

[hecu_marine]

!

There ensues an oddly quiet scuffle between the pups over who gets what's left of the sandwich. Quiet, because Shephard's arrived and has a very big water gun with orange tip in one hand.

"They ain't botherin' you, are they?"

[crabbycustomer]

Karkat sticks a mental pin in his coding attempts for now. "NO, THEY ARE JUST SILENTLY INVESTIGATING THE HOLOGRAM, THEY ARE MUTUALLY HARMLESS TO EACH OTHER."

[hecu_marine]

Shephard nods. "Reckoned I'd take 'em out back so's they'd get some exercise time away from home," he says. "Whole fuckin' place's goin' batshit now we got babies for the first time in sixteen years."

[crabbycustomer]

"I CAN IMAGINE."

He really, really can. If they ever get their fronds on an intact matriorb you might actually see this icon deployed nonironically. "BUT THERE WILL BE OTHERS, RIGHT? SOON EARTH WILL BE SWARMING WITH SQUALLING INFANTS AND THEY WILL SEEM COMMONPLACE AND--"

"--NORMAL AGAIN." (The word he avoided there in the spirit of multiculturalism was disposable; he remembered just in time that humans are K strategy animals.)

[hecu_marine]

"Yep. Reckon there'll be another birth or two in the next week," says Shephard. "Ms. Vance'n Dr. Freeman just got a jump on damn near everybody else is all. Gonna be shitloads soon'n folks won't know what the fuck to do with themselves."

He rubs his face with one hand and adds, "Tell you the truth, I've handled babies more recently'n more often than fuckin' near anybody else on Earth at this point, 'least until the Freeman kids got born. Happens when you git your ass frozen twenty years without warning."

[crabbycustomer]

Karkat nods sagely. "YOU WILL BE A STICKY LARVA GURU, YOUR WRIGGLER-WRANGLING SERVICES IN HIGH DEMAND. IT IS A LOATHSOME AND UNSAVORY DESTINY TO INHERIT, I CAN TELL YOU FROM EXPERIENCE."

[hecu_marine]

Shephard grimaces. "Reckoned as much," he says. "Well, at least baby shit ain't no worse'n critter shit, nine tenths of the time. I c'n handle that if I got to. And they ain't gonna have teeth enough to bite for a while yet, that's a small mercy."

[source_fairy]

Sirona is back, and comes over to say hi to Karkat.

"This does look sort of cool," she admits. "In a game design sort of way."

[crabbycustomer]

"THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT IT IS, IT IS FLARP, AN EXTREME ROLEPLAYING GAME. I DON'T PLAY IT," he says hurriedly. "IT IS A DUMB GAME FOR GIRLS, WHICH KEEPING IN MIND RIDICULOUS HUMAN GENDER ROLES I WILL CLARIFY MEANS IT IS INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS. I MEAN, NOT THIS, THIS IS THE TUTORIAL, BUT IN GENERAL."

"I AM TRYING TO REPURPOSE THE CODE FOR MY OWN NEFARIOUS PURPOSES."

[source_fairy]

"Cool," Sirona says, nodding appreciation. "What are you doing with it?"

[crabbycustomer]

"WELL, THE PROGRAM ALLOWS A SERVER PLAYER OR 'CLOUDER' TO CREATE A CUSTOM SCENARIO TO CHALLENGE AND THREATEN THE PLAYER'S ROLEPLAYING CHARACTER. I WANT TO USE IT FOR LEGITIMATE TRAINING PURPOSES BUT THAT WILL REQUIRE SHORT-CIRCUITING THE MECHANISM THAT LINKS THE RESULTS OF YOUR INTERACTIONS TO YOUR MADE-UP FAKE GAME STATISTICS."

"BUT THE REAL PROBLEM IS THAT I ONLY HAVE ACCESS TO THE CLIENT APPLICATION, SO I AM TRYING TO GET ACCESS TO PROGRAMMING AND MODIFYING THE SCENARIO INFORMATION AND CREATURES FROM THIS SIDE VIA HACKING THE TUTORIAL." Karkat's hack-fu is much weaker when it doesn't involve breaking things.

[source_fairy]

"Wow, that must be a pretty kickass server for you not to be able to get into it," Sirona says.

[crabbycustomer]

"NO, IT'S NOT LIKE THAT, THERE IS NO REMOTE SERVER INVOLVED, I DON'T HAVE A CLOUDER TO CONNECT TO, THAT'S THE PROBLEM. THE CLIENT APPLICATION HAS A BUILT-IN TUTORIAL AND I AM TRYING TO CRACK THE GRUB-FORSAKEN COPY-PROTECTION ON THIS SOFTWARE SO I CAN MODIFY THE SCENARIO THE TUTORIAL CREATES AND ESSENTIALLY REBUILD THE ENTIRE FUCKING OTHER HALF FROM SCRATCH."

[source_fairy]

"I thought other trolls come here as well now?" Sirona says.

[crabbycustomer]

"YEAH, THAT IS WHERE I GOT THIS, BUT NONE OF THEM WAS A CLOUDER EXCEPT FOR ARADIA, AND SHE LOST HER COMPUTER WHEN SHE EXPLODED."

As you do.

[always_the_moon]

Most ponies would give the table and its occupants a wide berth. This one? Is intrigued by the gruesome tableau.

"Such peculiar creatures," she remarks, apparently to herself (though a hell of a lot louder than necessary).

[crabbycustomer]

Forewarned, they say, is forearmed; that is a folk saying that translates perfectly well to Alternia. As soon as Karkat looks up, he knows exactly who he is dealing with. He knows the ponies come from a gentler world, and need to be handled with tact.

...unfortunately he has an enormous chip on his shoulder on the subject of caste-based societies with supreme rulers.

"WHAT HILARITY!" Karkat barks. "AS IF YOUR IMPERIAL CONDESCENSION WASN'T A FREAKSHOW MELANGE OF OUTLANDISH BEASTS HERSELF. I SWEAR TO GOD, THERE MUST BE SOME KIND OF UNIVERSAL COMPULSION AMONG SUBSERVIENT MORONS TO ELEVATE THE SILLIEST-LOOKING MEMBERS OF THEIR RACE TO A HEGEMONIC CASTE HIGH ABOVE THE COMMON THRONG OF PEOPLE WHO DON'T LOOK RIDICULOUS. THE ONLY WAY YOU COULD LOOK ANY DUMBER IS IF YOU HAD GILLS."

Like, you can see that fucking chip from space.

[always_the_moon]

"...art thou mocking Us??"

Forgive her slow response. This is an attitude with which she is entirely unfamiliar.

[crabbycustomer]

"HOLY SHIT, ARE BOTH OF YOU THERE? IS THE OTHER ONE INVISIBLE? BECAUSE IF SO, DID YOU EVER GET THE SHITTY END OF THE GRUB, POWERSWAYS."

[always_the_moon]

"How dare you speak to Us in such a manner!" she booms out in a voice like a howling gale, thunder rumbling from somewhere alarmingly close by. "We are Princess Luna, Monarch of the Moon and Bringer of Night to all Equestria! The moon and the stars and all things that dwell in darkness are Ours to command! Who art thou, hoofless beast, that you dare cast insults upon Us?!"

[crabbycustomer]

Karkat's eyes widen at that, and he captchalogs his crab just in case there is a sonic damage modifier on that. Then he grabs a weapon from his strife specibus--but not to attack. The Sonic Sica is a blade that doubles as a megaphone; making it a sickle just lets him have it at the ready whenever he needs it.

"YOU WANT TO GET LOUD, MOTHERFUCKER?"

Ahem.
"LET'S

GET

LOUD!"

"I AM THE KNIGHT OF BLOOD, THE FROG BREEDER, THE FORGER OF WORLDS, AND I HAVE DWELLED IN THE DARKNESS ALL MY LIFE, AND I WILL CAST INSULTS AT ANYONE AND EVERYONE WHO IT SUITS MY FANCY TO! ALWAYS AND ESPECIALLY AT ANY DIM NOOKSNIFFER WHO THINKS HER SPECIAL RACE AND HER SPECIAL POWERS GIVE HER THE RIGHT TO BE IN CHARGE OF ANYONE, ANYWHERE, EVER!"

♠___________________________♠

[always_the_moon]

Oh, it is on, biatch.

"Thou hoofless wastrel! Thou speakest of things of which thou knowest nothing! We have reigned in the firmament alongside Our Sister since the dawn of time itself, when thy great-grandsire's great-grandsire's great-grandsire had yet to crawl upon the earth! Thou claimest to be a Knight, when thou dost not give obeisance to Royalty?! Thou art not worthy of the title, nor any other!"

[bloodyvirgo]

The excess volume from the incredibly loud standoff is enough to rattle the foundations of the Bar itself, their...

conversation

carrying upstairs even, and to the ears of another troll.

At first, Kanaya's perfectly fine to ignore it, and settle deeper into sopor to sleep, but then the volume increases and the word NOOKSNIFFER, facepalms.

It takes a little time to get out of the pod, cleaned off and somewhat presentable, but soon she's standing on the stairs searching for him, then just Looking at him.