(no subject)

[abitofawildman]

It's rare that sounds from the mulitiverse beyond permeate the front door of Milliways, so those who happen to be seated near it are in for a special treat this evening. For if one listens closely, over the din of the bar itself, one might just hear the muffled sound of raucous singing coming from what would be outside.

The words to the song aren't comprehensible, though that's due mostly to the sheer number of singers and their varying levels of inebriation than to the door itself.

Of course, all becomes clear when the door opens, and the sound spills in full force.

"SECRET
SECRET
SECRET
SECRET

TUUUUUUUUUUNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL!"

There's a man backing into the bar, as if he's heading somewhere else but doesn't quite want to leave where he is because he may miss something.

"AND DIIIIIIIEEEEEE," he calls back to the room, which erupts in a mixture of laughter and thunderous applause.

"Where're you going, Commander?"

"Just to the head. Nature is one call you can't put on hold. Please, feel free to take this opportunity to catch up, Lieutenant." The room cheers once more, as the man turns and closes the door behind him.

It's only after a few steps in that he realizes he's no longer in the hallway he thought he was, and is in a bar he had no idea existed.

Welcome to Milliways, Commander Bumi.

Comments

[igetthatalot]

"Watch it, there," comes a voice from a fair deal further down than most adult voices tend to come. "Not everybody operates on the same line of sight as you."

[abitofawildman]

Bumi takes a step back, bumping into yet another someone who was in the process of walking behind him once he'd closed the door.

"Sorry...you have my apologies..."

"Sorry," he says again to the person he'd backed into.

All the while...staring.

[igetthatalot]

"Not a problem," says Varric. "We've all been there at one point or another. Were you intending to come here tonight? You look a little... off."

But, hey, could be the human's out on a quest to hit every bar in Lowtown. Who knows.

[abitofawildman]

"I'm unsure. Unless the head has been recently refurbished, then I dare say...no. No I was not."

[igetthatalot]

"Ah. Well, if that's what you're after, it's that door over there," says Varric, pointing. "Make use of the facilities to your heart's content. I'll explain more later."

[abitofawildman]

Bumi looks skeptical, but...well, whatever's behind that other door can't possibly be stranger than what was behind the one he just walked through...right?

He keeps looking back towards the strange little man as he makes his way through this bar in search of a necessary.

A few moments pass and he emerges from the bathroom, worried.

[igetthatalot]

"Everything in order, I trust?" says Varric. "It's the weirdest arrangement I've ever seen for dealing with nightsoil, but it all seems to work."

[abitofawildman]

"Everything came out okay, if that's what you're asking. As for the facilities themselves....there's a machine in there that blows like an Airbender with a headcold."

[igetthatalot]

"Oh, you found that thing too," says Varric. "That thing's kind of weird, isn't it? I have no idea what kind of mage came up with that."

[abitofawildman]

"Someone with far too much time on their hands and a hatred of doing laundry, I'd wager."

[igetthatalot]

"Wouldn't surprise me. I can't imagine any of the Circle types up in their towers being willing to waste their time waiting for their clothes to dry on a line," says Varric. "Welcome to Milliways, by the way. My name's Varric Tethras. I don't know where you came from, but you're not in that world or on that boat any more. Don't worry, you should be able to get back just fine."

[abitofawildman]

That is an awful lot of information you just lobbed his way, Varric.

"I think I might need some water, Varric Tethras. Because I think I may hae just heard you say that I was in a different world."

[igetthatalot]

"Please. Call me Varric," says Varric. "And as for the water-"

Yep, that'd be a rat coming over to take the little guy's order and run off to the Bar.

"It won't be long. You might want to sit down, though."

[havetubawilltravel]

Welcome indeed!

"That's some GREAT singing!" Pinkie grins, bouncing up. Literally bounding - this is one pony who doesn't plod.

[abitofawildman]

"Great rutting badgermoles," he whispers. "I've been slipped cactus juice."

[havetubawilltravel]

Gasp! "Badgermoles?!"

Zing! ZIP!

"Nope, no badgermoles..." She's suddenly right beside him. "What do badgermoles look like?"

[abitofawildman]

Bumi just looks down at the tiny, pink, pony.
For a brief moment he considers catching it and giving it to his niece Ikki as a present.

"Badgermoles? Why...they're great giant beasts, at least two men tall, with long claws. They live underground, for the most part."

[havetubawilltravel]

The partying'd wear him out in a second!

"Hmmm!" Pinkie says, "we don't have those in Equestria. Or here. But there are demon bunnies here, and those aren't annyyywhere else, so it all evens out."

[abitofawildman]

"Demon....bunnies?"
That is one animal combination that's new to him.

[havetubawilltravel]

"Yep! They're fuzzy and big and have huge red eyes and FANGS FILLED WITH DROOL!"

[abitofawildman]

Bumi decides here and now that this is clearly some sort of hallucination he's having while passed out in the bathroom due to too much drink, because...the alternative is just far too weird.

Not only is this a tiny pink horse talking to him, but it's JUST a tiny pink horse that's talking to him. Not a ostrich-horse, just a regular horse. That...that's just messed up.

So he rolls with it.

"Fangs filled with drool are better than fangs filled with other things."

[havetubawilltravel]

"Totally!" Pinkie says enthusiastically. "But I've never gotten close enough to see if they're all filled with poison." And she's far too smart to get close.

The hallucination peers at Bumi curiously. "You're new! YES! Now I can give you the tour!"

[abitofawildman]

"Sure. All right. A tour."

Let's do this thing!

[havetubawilltravel]

LET'S!

Pinkie grabs him by the hand and, like a shot, rushes off across the bar, pointing out things loudly and at top speed.

"...And up there's the rafters! One day I'm gonna get an Oompa and climb up there for high tea!"

[abitofawildman]

Bumi's used to be manhandled. Not only is he a military man, as well as a ladies' man, but he's also uncle to three very rambunctious Airbenders.

"....what's an Oompa?"