milliways_bar | (no subject)

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[OOM: Practice talking to girls]

Trapped. That's what Harry's been these many weeks past, and of his own doing too -- that's not to be denied. The more he must smile and bow and expend his manners, the more he wishes for a horse and a sword and a Scottish border raid. When a door in Philippa de Coucy's house opens into Milliways instead of yet another solar full of nursemaids and noble daughters, to say his relief is palpable is only to concede to the limits of language.

So, though his hair is combed and he's trussed up in his finest visiting suit, it's a pretty good time to meet young Harry Percy. He's making a beeline for the Bar, intent on trying some new food or drink that's beyond the scope of his era. Go on. Ask him how his quest for a wife is going.

11 PM CST Oh no, guys! You're wonderful; I have to go to sleep. Will tag up tomorrow!

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"Are they--"

Oh fie! So many questions -- how to order them?

"Are they different animals? How much do they eat between them? Did one learn to bear thee more quickly than the other?"

"They're both the same animal," Ellen says. "If one head falls asleep, the cow can still walk around if the other head is still awake. She lies down to let both heads sleep, though. They eat... well, a pretty fair amount. Cows, regular cows, have four stomachs- these have eight, two of each stomach side by side, so there's a lot of grazing to do. But it's not that bad because one head can watch for danger while the other one is grazing... They're both about equally smart, and they both seem to notice about the same when I dig in my heels or pull on the reins. I think they both learned to take commands at about the same pace."

After a pause, she adds, "Most cattle are like that where I live, now. I had to help one deliver a calf, in fact. I don't think I want to repeat that experience."

Harry makes a discreet attempt to eye the animal's back end. (What? Your mind went there too. One cow body + two cow digestive systems = Harry being glad he's not in charge of cleaning that up.)

He grimaces. "I've seen a horse as such once. Messy work for you both."

In truth, it looks about as anyone might expect a cow's back.bb end to look. Just... Bigger. An more prone to stench.

"I hire people to clean it up.when I can," Ellen confesses. "And plough it into the soil.... Want to see her ridden, in the meantime?"

"Indeed!" He claps his hands together. "To our purpose!"

Ellen grins and immediately proceeds to a most undignified scrabbling aboard the creature's back. Remarkably, only one head seems particularly fussed by this. There's no saddle, but she left the hackamores on to make it easier to retrieve the beast at need, so she picks up the excessively complicated reins.

One kick in the ribs later, the result rather resembles this, but with more heads.

And less lederhosen.

And no tubas.

It's very possible that Harry can die happy now.

Until, well, one thing is taken care of.

His clothes be damned, that's what cleaners are for.

Between gales of laughter: "Oh, this I must try."

Ellen beams as she brings Shiphrah and Puah to a stop. She slides off, hands Harry the reins, and ducks down to hold out both hands for a step up. "She's very patient. She's just awfully big," she says. "Give it a try."

Oof.

It's like riding a very fat horse.

A very fat horse with bumps and bones in all the wrong places.

Harry tries to shift around to get comfortable. "What are their commands?"

"Well, they only take shouted commands," Ellen says, "so if you yell 'giddyup' they'll go, or 'whoa', then they'll stop. Dig a heel in on the left side and pull on the left reins and they'll turn left, same deal on the right. Thump'em in the ribs on both sides and they'll start moving faster, too. I looked up the commands in a book to make sure I wasn't going to teach her anything weird."

"Giddyup," he repeats, equally delighted in the strangeness of the word as by the fact that he's sitting on a two-headed cow.

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