(no subject)

[crabbycustomer]

Some time ago for romantic purposes Karkat came into possession of a large holographic video display. He has been nursing an idea for a while, but the weather outside in mock-Scotland has been too grotesque to make it feasible.

Tonight, however, the grotty mist has finally stopped and when Karkat rises with the moon he discovers weather that is almost practically tolerable, especially once he deploys a firepit and spreads a tarp over the damp ground.

He fiddles with the projector a bit, finally managing to project the king-sized screen he wants over the lake. The first romcom he cues up is Pretty Woman, and he grunts with satisfaction as he plops himself into an stuffed husk he hauled down from his room and the familiar opening begins to unfold.

Welcome to the drive-in. The second film in the triple feature will be Grosse Pointe Blank, followed by My Best Friend's Wedding.

[OPEN THREAD! Feel free to use the setting with or without tagging Karkat, he will out here all night marathoning cheesy romantic comedies. Feel free to suggest movies that will follow Pretty Woman, and I will update this post with a list of the ones this cranky sumbitch has approved that people can reference playing.]

Comments

[crabbycustomer]

"I AM GOING TO HOLD IT FOR TEN SECONDS, YOU PARANOID GOBSHITE. I WILL TRY TO KEEP FROM CRAMMING IT INTO MY MAW FOR THAT SPACE OF TIME." He holds out his hand for it.

[herr_bookman]

Autor hesitates in handing it over, but only for a second. He's too curious about what Karkat will do. "Ten seconds is still long enough to mess with it, you venom-engorged pheasant-clucker."

[crabbycustomer]

Karkat would give his right glance nugget to know if this guy (with his faint but infuriating resemblance to John Egbert, just to put the goddamn murderfruit on top of the shit sundae) is seriously flirting or just fucking around.

"STAY CALM," he warns him, and captchalogs the pen; it vanishes into a card, which immediate splits in two, a red card and a blue one. Karkat flips it over and inspects the backs.

It only takes a few moments until he can reunite the two cardhalves and return the pen, if Autor can keep his cool.

[herr_bookman]

"Oh," Autor whispers, a little breathless. "And I don't even have any scorpion innards to give you. Thank you, Karkat."

He inclines his head, deeply. "I'm in your debt."

After a moment, he straightens, grinning. "And yes, you'll probably regret this. How does it work?"

[OOC: slowtimes!]

Huge tag is huge

[crabbycustomer]

"CALM THE FUCK DOWN, I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING YET. I LOOKED AT THE CODE FOR THE PEN AND GAVE IT BACK TO YOU, THAT'S IT."

He cracks his knuckles. "NOW I'M GOING TO DO SOMETHING."

He moves to the white edifice of the alchimeter, specifically the keyboard dangling off of one side, and types rapidly, then throws a lever and shifts a slide. He has to look up the code for a modus control card, but he's done it recently on this same alchemiter, so it's easy to look up in the aetheneum log, using the small screen set into the console.

There it is. "EVERY OBJECT THAT IS CAPTCHALOGGED IN A SYLLADEX HAS A UNIQUE IDENTIFYING CODE. THIS MACHINE LETS YOU ENTER THE CODE FOR AN OBJECT AND MAKE COPIES OF IT. EXCEPT IT'S MORE THAN THAT, YOU CAN COMBINE THE CODES OF DIFFERENT OBJECTS AND CREATE NEW SHIT. I AM GOING TO COMBINE THE CODE FOR YOUR PEN WITH THE CODE FOR A SYLLADEX MODUS CONTROL CARD, THE CARD THAT DEFINES HOW THE STORAGE DECK WORKS. IT WILL MAKE A SYLLADEX FOR YOU, WITH A UNIQUE MODUS, AND FRANKLY I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA EXACTLY HOW IT WILL WORK, YET."

He rattles in the second code, throws the lever again, turns a wheel, and hits three buttons in close sequence. At the same time, a holographic cylinder arises from one of the arms of the device, then deforms into a wobbly shape like a modern art vase, and then the arm emits a red light that scans the shape.

"BUT I SINCERELY HOPE IT'S A HUGE PAIN IN THE ASS."

Finally something appears on the surface of the alchemiter--it looks like a very, very thin leatherbound book, nothing much more than covers and two pages. It is shaped with the distinct notched rectangle of a sylladex card.

The first page is a sheet of instructions; the second is a simple list of weapons and other household objects.

"I HAD BETTER RUN YOU OFF A FEW EXTRA CARDS, I GUESS," Karkat adds, a grudging afterthought.

[herr_bookman]

Still grinning, Autor shrugs. "I figured you were making a sylladex for me--though I'm still not sure why you did--so the point is moot, really. Pre-forging anticipation, if you will. Let it never be said that you're not overly generous."

He lifts the book gingerly and scans the instructions. "This summoning machine of yours has a sense of humor. To make the book work, it seems I'll have to compose couplets. How do I designate the specibus card?"

[crabbycustomer]

While he speaks, Karkat runs off a few dozen blank cards; the book will expand to accomodate the new 'pages.'

"I DON'T KNOW, JUST CHECK OFF ONE OF THE OPTIONS, I GUESS."

[herr_bookman]

Autor immediately checks off 'books', and starts thumbing through the new pages. "Here's a horrifying hypothetical question: can you captchalog a person, or would it kill them outright?"

[crabbycustomer]

"IT'S NOT THAT HYPOTHETICAL, I'VE CAPTCHALOGGED A CONSORT BEFORE. IT DOESN'T KILL THEM, IT'S JUST LIKE... SUSPENDED ANIMATION. IT WON'T WORK ON PEOPLE, THOUGH. PETS, MAYBE."

[herr_bookman]

Autor blinks, surprised. "Thank you for answering that without recoiling."

Then he opens his sylladex to a blank page and pulls his three quills out of his pocket. "All right, let's see if this works, shall we? When I wish to note the limits of my ken, I'll recite this verse and call out my pen."

And now he has three quills stored on a page, represented by a stylized ink drawing.

"Ha, that was a terrible couplet," he says, wrinkling his nose. "I can't believe that met the requirements. What is the modus on your sylladex?"

[crabbycustomer]

Karkat literally did not register that that was a weird question.

"DUPLEX, I HAVE TO FIT TOGETHER THE TWO HALVES OF THE CARD TO GET THE THING BACK. IT'S FINE AS LONG AS YOU AREN'T A SCATTERBRAINED DISORGANIZED PIECE OF SHIT."

Karkat decides to leave out his years of struggling with the encryption modus until he finally swapped with Sollux.

[herr_bookman]

Autor has only started registering these questions as weird when people in Milliways, uh, freaked out when he asked things like, "I know you usually shoot them, but how best could we go about converting zombies into functional weaponry?"

"Pfft," Autor says, offering him a crooked smile. "Must be difficult for you to retrieve things, then."

He closes his book. "I don't suppose you'll tell me why you made one of these for me? Other than to get me to stop gushing about them?"

[crabbycustomer]

He rolls his eyes. "THAT IS PRETTY MUCH ALL THERE IS TO IT, YOU LITERALLY COULD NOT SHUT UP ABOUT HOW GREAT THEY ARE. "

"PLUS NOW YOU HAVE TWO FREE PIECES OF SUPERIOR TECHNOLOGY TO REMIND YOU HOW COMPLETELY OUTCLASSED YOU ARE. IF YOU WANT AN AUTOGRAPH, TO COMMEMORATE WHAT IS PROBABLY FANTASTICAL ACT OF GENEROSITY FROM YOUR PERSPECTIVE, EVEN IF IT WAS COMPLETELY NEGLIGIBLE FROM MINE, I CAN GO AHEAD AND SCRIBBLE MY NAME ON ONE OR BOTH."

[herr_bookman]

"What! And let you profane things of such practical beauty? Never," he says, running his thumb across the cover.

"And does this mean that in order to get what I want from you, all I have to do is flatter? Good to know!"

[crabbycustomer]

He rolls his eyes. "NO, THAT IS WHAT YOU NEED TO DO IF YOU WANT ME TO PUKE AN OCEAN OF BILE SO YOU CAN DROWN YOURSELF."

[herr_bookman]

Autor smirks, delighted. "One of these days, I just might try that, to take measure of the vile, viscous fluids which make you up.

"But the point still stands that I was impressed with the sylladex, and you gave it, without my asking or needing to trade some sort of venomous animal sacs for your consumption. Flattery of you may not work, but flattery of your creations? Well. Duly noted, and now I'll shut up about it--after expressing my thanks once more for something so useful."

[crabbycustomer]

Karkat more or less chokes, at the remark about taking the measure of his fluids. There is no way Autor could have meant that as obscenely as it comes off, culturally.

He doesn't really blush, properly speaking, but the grey of his face definitely darkens; he can feel the mutant blood burning in his cheeks, and he looks hurriedly away.

He coughs, trying to clear his throat and think of something--anything--to say to that.

[herr_bookman]

Nope, Autor meant that metaphorically. Sorry, Karkat!

Unfortunately for the troll, his reaction has Autor thoroughly intrigued. Was his face...? It was!

Placing the sylladex in his pocket, Autor clasps his hands behind his back and crosses smoothly into Karkat's vision. The blazer-clad music student smiles like a cat in cream, and fixes his gaze on his cheeks.

"Have you swallowed a bug, Karkat?" he asks lightly, leaning forward. "If you're hungry, we could find something to eat, I'm sure."

[crabbycustomer]

By the time he gets there, Karkat has decided how to react, which is by going on the offensive.

(The answer is always going on the offensive.)

"NO, I WAS JUST REELING FROM THAT BLATANT FUCKING PROPOSITION, HOLY SHIT. I GUESS QUASI-EROTICA ABOUT COUPLING ON TOP OF A PIANO IS THE SECRET TO DRAWING OUT MOST LEWD AND REPREHENSIBLE KIND OF REMARKS OUT OF YOUR OBSCENITY SQUAWKER. GOOD TO KNOW, I GUESS."

[herr_bookman]

"Wait, what?" Autor says, recalling the bit about the piano and feeling sufficiently horrified. "What are you talking about? What proposit--Oh."

And now it's his turn to choke and blush and cough, in that order and with varying degrees of intensity. Unlike Karkat, he doesn't turn away, but it does take him a few minutes to open his mouth, as his lips are burning.

"I'm sorry," he says softly, staring at the ground, "for my lack of tact."

[crabbycustomer]

"LOOK, I, OBVIOUSLY YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT... I MEAN, I AM NOT RETARDED ENOUGH TO THINK THAT YOU WERE LEGITIMATELY TRYING TO... IT'S JUST... MULTICULTURALISM IS HARD," is where he settles finally, with a kind of strangled dignity.

He starts to speak, then stops, then finally comes out with:

"AND, YOU KNOW, I'M NOT SAYING I'M RULING OUT THE IDEA OF... YOU KNOW, SOMEDAY, LIKE IF LATER WE GOT TO KNOW EACH OTHER BETTER, AND REALLY FOUND OUT MUCH THERE WAS, TO, TO HATE..."

Flashbacks of his disastrous first conversation with John Egbert swim over him, and the words sort of choke off. "OR, YOU KNOW, YOUR NAME AT THE BARE MINIMUM."

[herr_bookman]

"I'm Autor," he says quietly. He steps forward without hesitation, holding out his hand. "And I already do hate you as a friend, so, I guess... um. You're right, this is terribly difficult, isn't it? But we'll manage. We're smart."

Then he tilts his chin up a little, smirking. "Well, I'm smart, anyway."

[crabbycustomer]

For a scant handful of seconds, Karkat thought about absconding straight through the middle curtain and the fenestrated wall portal hidden behind it, up to Nepeta's cave. But then the tension gives, with Autor's name, and he can breathe again.

Karkat's fangs clamp down on his own black lip, and he growls quietly as he steps forward and briskly shakes Autor's hand, eyes locked (upward) at the other boy. A hearty handshake isn't a traditional black gesture, but Karkat can be multicultural, too. And that smirk is... the smirk deserves something.

He's seen plenty of movies, he knows how it's done; one brisk pump and he stalks away back towards the movie before he can fuck things up.

[herr_bookman]

Following Karkat's flounce with his eyes, Autor can't help but chuckle. Without ceremony, he draws his sylladex out of his pocket and starts rhyming, all the way to the bar.

[OOC: This. Thread.]

[crabbycustomer]

[OOC: It was excellent! Thanks!]