First (re)Entrance

[notimewarp]

The last few days have been absolute hell. Everyone in the house narrowly avoided being evicted (and only even heard about it from one another, or the estate agent showing the house), his miniature schnauzer ran away, his girlfriend moved to Seattle, he nearly lost his best friend over said girlfriend, and his flatmate walked out on him. But things are fine now! Marsha's keeping the house, Colin came back, Sophie's agreed to give this long-distance relationship a try, Mike's not mad at him any more, and Daisy came back home. But clearly, the stress and exhaustion of it all has rather taken its toll if he's hallucinating this vividly. He'd just gone out to take the dog for a walk, and now he's come home to find the house turned into a very strange bar.

"...What?"

"Ruff," Colin agrees.

[ooc: This is not the same Tim Bisley that's been here before. He's being completely rebooted for future plot reasons. The year is 2001, and all of this is brand new to him.]

Comments

[mnt_mike]

Behind the bar of the bustling tavern is a sandy-haired man who could only be American.

No one but an American would wear a Hawaiian shirt quite that loud.

"Hiya," he calls over to the door, even though he's not actually looking at the door. "Welcome to Milliways. It's nice to see..." here's where he looks up.

"Is he housebroken?"

What's unclear is whether the bartender is talking to the man or his dog. Or is it the dog and his man?

[notimewarp]

Tim gives the sandy-haired man the sort of look that says he's not entirely sure why the question was even asked in the first place.

"Yeah," he says. "Are you a friend of Brian's? Did he do this?"

Usually Brian's redecorations are a bit more messy and pretentious, but who else could be responsible for this?

[mnt_mike]

Here's where things start to go pear-shaped, for you see...Mike does know a Brian.
And the Brian he knows has an accent similar to the one this man is sporting.

"Do I know Brian? Do I know Brian! Of course I know Brian. I'm like...a devotee to Brian!"

Mike liked him a lot.

[notimewarp]

Tim's expression goes smoothly from bewilderment to annoyance to an entirely different sort of bewilderment, all in about a second and a half.

"Hey, whatever you get up to in your own time is none of my business," he says, holding his hands up as a 'please, spare me the details' shield.

[mnt_mike]

Mike blinks in confusion, though his smile doesn't twitch an inch.

"Good to know," he says brightly. "Can I get you a drink? First one's on the house."

[notimewarp]

"Yeah, all right," Tim says easily.

The offer of free alcohol is always enough to distract and/or cheer him up.

He picks Colin up from the floor and puts him down on one of the barstools, taking the one next to it for himself. He unhooks the lead from Colin's collar, and the most well-behaved dog in London just sits quietly, peering around the bar.

"So, how do you know Brian? I thought all his friends were those weird modern art types."

[mnt_mike]

Mike fetches a bowl for the dog, and fills it with water from the soda dispenser gun, before sliding it over to where the dog can drink it.

Then he takes a pint glass, spins it in one hand, while the other gestures towards the numerous taps on hand as if to silently as, What'll you have?

"Used to come in here all the time, back in the day. He changed my life, that guy did."

[notimewarp]

Colin doesn't go for the water until Tim points at it. Humans put things out all the time, but that doesn't mean they're for him.

"Uh. Whatever's good," Tim says indifferently.

He snorts at Mike's second remark. "Made your life that much more unexplainable, did he?"

Yeah, that sounds like Brian, actually.

[mnt_mike]

Mike, who knows absolutely nothing what so ever about beer, reaches for the most outlandish tap pulls a pint.

"You know it's funny? I didn't think my life could get more unexplainable, but then yeah,....it did. How do you know him?"

[notimewarp]

Tim hasn't even heard of a quarter of the names on tap. They must all be imports.

How the hell Brian got them all inside, he has no idea.

"Daisy and me live upstairs," he says.

It occurs to him, vaguely, that everything is shaped really wrong, because the door did not open up directly to the stairs. But he hasn't quite caught up with that yet.

[mnt_mike]

"Oh yeah?" he slides the beer down Bar's top towards Tim.

"Where'd he end up after leaving Lower Tadfield?"

[notimewarp]

...

Tim gives Mike a look. The sort that says he's wondering if they're speaking the same language.

"Here," he says, pointing toward the floor.

He takes a drink of his beer, and then nearly chokes on it. It's so strong, it's made his eyes water.

[mnt_mike]

"Well yeah, but I mean when he's not here."

Mike reaches into his pocket and fishes out a small baggie of Cheerios with the intention of sharing them with the dog.

[janisthorn]

Leela looks up from her mostly-finished meal of venison chops. She's seen that look often enough to recognize it.

"I take it you've not been here before?"

[notimewarp]

Tim starts to answer that this should be his house, but clearly isn't.

And then he looks over at the person who spoke to him.


"Aahh—" is about all he manages. Unless he's mistaken, and he very rarely is about these things, that is Louise Jameson.

And she looks good.

[janisthorn]

Yeah, Tim. Not quite.

Leela suppresses the urge to roll her eyes.

"You have stepped through a portal to Milliways," Leela says. "It is a wine hall at the end of the universe. Wherever you were before, you are not there any longer."

[notimewarp]

Tim hardly heard that, it has to be said.

"You're..."

Now that he thinks about it, she looks quite a bit younger than she ought to. She looks pretty much exactly like she did during her run on the show.

"You're—"

Something is seriously weird right now.

[janisthorn]

Leela misunderstands the stranger's words - she thinks he means to accuse her of being a witch or a demon or suchlike.

"I am not the one who brought you here, if that is what you are trying to say," Leela says. "The Bar has a mind of its own. I am only a traveler."

Perhaps introductions are in order. Getting to know each other might help to calm this man down.

"My name is Leela. What is yours?"

[notimewarp]

Oh, that gets an even bigger stammer from Tim.

"Leela," he repeats. "Not Louise Jameson?"

Down on the floor, Colin looks quickly between the two of them.

[janisthorn]

Leela raises an eyebrow.

"...No," she says. "Why? Is this someone who looks like me?"

She thinks back to her encounter with that pale thin man. Hopefully this conversation doesn't progress along similar lines. She'd hate to have to take the knife out again.

[notimewarp]

Tim laughs nervously. ^"Yeah," he squeaks. He clears his throat and shakes his head before trying again. "Yeah, you could say that."

He shakes his head again.

"So, either this is a very, very good costume — and it is, by the way — or you're telling me that you're actually called Leela?"

Yeah, he has to laugh a little bit at that. A high-pitched, totally uncool laugh.

[janisthorn]

Now Leela looks very confused.

"That is what I said," she says.

Beat.

"What do you mean, costume?"

[notimewarp]

"The—"

He motions to her in general.

"This."

She is really taking this whole 'in character' thing very seriously, too. She's actually kind of intimidating.

[janisthorn]

"My clothes?" Leela says. "What do they have to do with anything?"

This line of questioning is getting more baffling by the minute.

[notimewarp]

She's telling Tim!

"Well, you just look like..."

He scratches his head nervously, not entirely sure what to say.

"I'm Tim, by the way," he says, his voice stilted and awkward.