milliways_bar | (no subject)

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Javert does not know how lucky he was to have avoided both the zombie invasion, and Halloween. So he does not feel any particular gratitude at coming up from the office, and finding the place entirely normal. He just deposits a large box on his corner table, sets a pad of paper next to it, a fountain pen on top, and an inkstand to the side.

That done, a rat brings bread and water, and a napkin that directs him to a package left for him at the bar. He does not notice this at first, because he is preoccupied. He sits, picks a random sheet of paper out of the box, stretches his fingers out and begins to transcribe it to proper paper. In proper handwriting. With proper headings, and a uniformity of style. Because someone knows how to keep account of things, unlike anyone else in the security office.

He came up because it was time to eat, but apparently there is no time to stop for repast. If anyone cares to dispute that, they may go and see the state of the office for themselves.

[OOC: Open until the weekend.
ETA: but for tonight, I must beg slowtime for sleep. Am around to continue all tomorrow. Night, all, and thanks to those who tagged. <333]

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Teja sighs.

"Pyrrha's," he says. "You know her not. She was..."

He shrugs.

"She was my betrothed for awhile."

'Ah.'

He glances up, and takes in the man's expression, his stance.

'And no longer.'

"No longer, indeed," Teja says.

He is somewhat at a loss.

'If that causes you distress, I am-'

He breaks off, because although he was about to try a social nicety, to actually say 'I am sorry for it' would be a lie. And he does not tell lies.

'I understand that might be difficult?' he hazards, a moment later.

Teja seems to think for awhile, and looks at Javert, and then nods -- deciding that anything that Javert might learn from this, however small, is worth the brief distress this causes.

"It is difficult," he says, "as I still love her, and she dismissed me from her good grace for something I did wrong."

'If you did wrong, you can expect nothing less.'

That is not so difficult to understand.

'What was it you did?'

"Apparently, spoke of something that she did not wish spoken of, no matter what the circumstance," Teja says. "I did it because -- for reasons. That are complex, and I would not in turn speak of."

'Very well.'

Javert, unlike most people here, will not push when someone says they do not wish to speak of something.

'I am sure there will be other women. People do not seem to have trouble finding them.'

So, it is well.

"There is only ever the one and only Pyrrha, and I love her," Teja says, fire in his eyes. "Cannot you understand keeping faith with one you love, despite all odds?"

He blinks. Teja seems so calm most of the time, and a rational man, that he was not on the alert for a sudden burst of emotion.

'No. I have never done this.'

He is not cowed by the sudden fire, not embarrassed by his answer. It is simply the truth.

"Never loved?" Teja says. "Was you life any more peaceful for it?"

'How would I compare?'

Really.

'I imagine so. Peace was not my aim.'

"What was your aim, then?" Teja says. "Duty, that would have been disrupted if you had felt free to love?"

He lets a breath out through his nose.

'I will never understand the preoccupation with love of everyone in this accursed place,' he mutters, a little more than exasperated.

'I worked. That is what my life was for. Anything else was unimportant.'

And love would have been the worst of all. He has never felt it, never received it, and does not see the point of it.

"Duty, then," Teja says.

Pause.

"Or simply disinterest? Not all have it in them to feel love, or desire."

This is an excruciating conversation.

'It is not your business, monsieur.'

"It is not, truly," Teja says, "but if it was, I would say it is a valid choice -- rarer, and more often debated by the ignorant than some equally valid choices. Not loving for the sake of duty, as I did while alive, was strange for some here, and hard to understand for them when I was new, but this may be odder still for people who are so preoccupied with love, as you say."

'In truth, it seems it matters not whether I am interested or not. It is apparently my path to redemption, so I will have to try.'

He admitted to Ganymede, under duress, that many years ago he may have occasionally felt interest. But he ignored it, because that life is not for men such as he. Trying to remember how it felt is impossible.

'And I care nothing for what people here understand, or do not.'

"They will badger you," Teja says. "I was badgered as well, on occasion, for my choices often were seen as lacking in worth to some others."

'They will have to learn to stop. Or, more likely, will lose interest.'

He will tell them to stop until he is blue in the face, if he has to.

'In truth, I cannot see why it is of importance to any but myself.'

"Because to them, it is one of the things that must needs define each and every person," Teja says. "And each and every person must be defined in that way, they seem to think."

'Ah. It is their arrogance again.'

He does not like this at all.

'Not everybody is defined this way. In my time, it may not have been usual, but it was not subject to such scrutiny. It is not proper to interest themselves in another man's personal affairs, particularly if they are unable to comprehend that there are more important things in the world than fornication, and procreation.'

"It is also," Teja says, "about feeling, connection, and companionship -- but yes, there are more important things in the world than even that. In my life, it was ever the duty to my people and adherence to their customs that came first."

'And that is quite correct. Admirable, even.'

It is quite similar to his own view of life, though couched in different terms. And possibly more honourable.

'These things you say - they mean nothing to me, and I will not seek them here. If others have difficulty understanding that, it is not my difficulty, nor my duty to explain it.'

"If you think you must be made to learn love, then those things would be inevitable; but I would maintain it is your good right to discard all of these," Teja says.

Pause.

"I did, however, refrain from personal love because I love my people -- did, and still do! -- that is, a feeling of connection to those around me, and the companionship of my friends. I care: - their suffering pained me, their life and happiness is my ultimate reward, and no matter what I have allowed myself to have here, it is when I see their children and their home-steads in the north-lands that I know my entire life was worth it, all pain justified, all renunciation rewarded!"