Milliways' guide for first-time patrons

[herr_bookman]

Autor's been a bit busy recently. He posts his Milliways' Guide for First-time Patrons up on the bulletin board, spreading out the maps.

He also posts the following note:

Attention: I, Autor, am writing this guide for first-time patrons, and require help finishing it. If you see anything missing, please let me know either via note or in person. I'll be sitting by the bulletin board until I finish a pot of tea.

The boy acquires his libation and seats himself at the table nearest the board to wait.

Comments

[herr_bookman]

"Good idea," Autor says, nodding along. "I'll have to track that information down. It might be difficult to keep it updated, as people come and go so often."

[ostro_goth]

"You might leave a note with a lied list in the infirmary, the security office and the staff hallway," Teja says. "Collect them again after, say, a month; who has not signed on then is not currently here."

Pause.

"And the garden was never Urquhart's; it is Dinah's, and she took over from the one who planted it, some obscure purple deity of magic by name of Asar-Suti. Urquhart merely helped with the heavy lifting and watering. I think Dinah wished him to to be tamed in some manner; he was, in the end."

[herr_bookman]

"Good idea," Autor says, adjusting his glasses. "Ah, I didn't realize that Urquhart didn't own the garden. I know he owned the asparagus garden, which I tend now, but I didn't think to mention that."

It's a private place, besides, which he uses to meditate during his work. He might not want people to know about it--except when he harvests the asparagus for the bar proper. "Thank you for your help, Teja."

[ostro_goth]

"For the stables, you best speak with William Evans; neither Doc Scurlock, not Kate Barlow, who each used to run it, has been seen in a long while," Teja adds.

[herr_bookman]

Autor nods. "Ah, yes, the last I saw of Kate Barlow was at Urquhart's funeral," the boy says. "And I've never met Doc Scurlock, though I can mention him in the guide as well. Your interest intrigues me, Teja."

[ostro_goth]

"My interest in what?" Teja says.

[herr_bookman]

Autor tilts his head. "The guide?" he says, wondering why Teja is shocked. "I am glad for your help. I never thought something like this would catch your eye, though."

[ostro_goth]

"Indeed not?" Teja says. "It is important that all new-comers must know the rules. You wrote a rule-book, with explanation of our customs; of course it interest me, and I find it important that all is put well and right."

[herr_bookman]

The boy inclines his head. "Well, as I've said, I appreciate your help and interest. Because you're a tradition keeper and story-collector of the bar, your insight is invaluable to me."

[ostro_goth]

"I have ever been a tradition-keeper and a storyteller; I merely do what I am impelled, by the gifts I was born with, and the customs I was raised in," Teja says. "I may be owning a motor-cycle now and go around with a toddler on wheels at my hand, but I am still the same Goth at heart."

[herr_bookman]

"Exactly," Autor says, sipping his tea. "And it's that exactly spirit which a guide like this needs. I may lengthen it, try to explain some of the histories of the people here at the bar, and I will need to call on you then. Like the Nobodies, there is a plethora of forgotten history to be taken down."

[ostro_goth]

"I remember them," Teja says. "But they left nothing that a newcomer would need to know of. For this, you will want the traditions that are heeded still, and their roots, and the names of those still working in their duties."

Pause.

"The shape-shifting holidays are Hallowe'en, Mardi Gras, April's Fools, and Cubefall; and only for the latter will we be given any choice," he then says. "And you may warn that in winter, a sickness comes to the bar sometimes that will make one believe to be another."

[herr_bookman]

"Ah, Cubefall! I'd completely forgotten about that holiday," Autor says, resting a hand on his cheek. "I'll edit the guide with those; there is a section on holidays. And the winter plague is a good warning to make also. A list of the illnesses and free food around here would be useful."

[ostro_goth]

"Most happened only once," Teja says. "The Warehouse people have an infinite supply of strange and bewildering artefacts that may cause unexpected mayhem."

[herr_bookman]

"Ah, yes, the Warehouse," Autor says, wrinkling his nose as he recalls the damage the baton did. "I'll absolutely add in a section warning about their artifacts, though most of them are innocuous-looking objects. Is there anything else we should warn people about?"

[ostro_goth]

"Remind them to not be shy of Security, and wonder if any stranger may persuade them too easily, and ask," Teja says. "We would not allow the powerful and the divine to make play-things of mere mortals; from Orpheus through Eric Northman or Charles Xavier to Hannibal Lecter, I mistrust those that bend others' wills to their pleasure. But here, we must not name names."

[herr_bookman]

Autor's shy of Security himself, but he can see why this is a reasonable thing to add to the guide. Frowning a bit at the mention of Dr. Lecter, he nods. "It is good that you take it upon yourself to protect the bar's patrons," Autor murmurs. "Especially from those with powers and magics far beyond mortal ken. But it's also true that Charles Xavier and Orpheus have a right to the bar and to be protected from each other, just as well."

[ostro_goth]

"As do Eric Northman and Hannibal Lecter," Teja says. "Whoever this place brings, is welcome and has a right to be protected. I must admit that the abuse of powers against the unsuspecting is a pet peeve of mine; I will go very far to persecute or prevent it."

[herr_bookman]

"And yet, we shouldn't warn people in an official capacity about the likes of Hannibal Lecter," Autor says, puzzling this out. "We can only punish him for violence he perpetrates, not violence he is capable of. I wish we could warn them."

[ostro_goth]

"We cannot warn them of Eric Northman, either," Teja says. "As you said, they are patrons in their own right, and it would break the second rule to warn people of them because of what they do in their own worlds, while in here, they skirt the rules by a hair's breadth, smiling."

[herr_bookman]

"And there's no point in having a second rule if Security condones its breaking, even to protect people," Autor reasons, sipping his tea. "Still, Hannibal especially is capable and willing to harm people. I'm wondering if we can make a general warning which doesn't name names."

[ostro_goth]

"If we make it too general, then all that feel touched by it will complain," Teja says. "But we may add that there are patrons who can and will bend minds, as the powers from their worlds and their particular skills affords them -- that covers all four that we mentioned."

Pause.

"You know him well, though, to call him by his given name only, and not his title and family name."

[herr_bookman]

"Ah, that's an excellent idea," Autor says, nodding along. "I mentioned telepathy in the guide but not as any sort of warning. I'll add that forthwith."

At Teja's statement of fact, however, Autor blanches. "Ah, that... That was a mistake." He can't lie to the Ostrogoth. "But it is true that I do know him. Well."

[ostro_goth]

"Better than you yourself would wish to?" Teja says.

[herr_bookman]

"Absolutely," Autor says, frowning fiercely. The boy adjusts his glasses. "He wouldn't leave me alone, so I didn't have much of a choice in the matter."