Milliways' guide for first-time patrons

[herr_bookman]

Autor's been a bit busy recently. He posts his Milliways' Guide for First-time Patrons up on the bulletin board, spreading out the maps.

He also posts the following note:

Attention: I, Autor, am writing this guide for first-time patrons, and require help finishing it. If you see anything missing, please let me know either via note or in person. I'll be sitting by the bulletin board until I finish a pot of tea.

The boy acquires his libation and seats himself at the table nearest the board to wait.

Comments

[hey35andholding]

"The things I could tell you," Clementine declares, "would make your hair curl. I mean, once there was this lube fire and..."

[herr_bookman]

"Lube?" the boy asks, blinking.

[hey35andholding]

Oh great, she's going to have to explain. "Have you ever had to get something out of a really tight space?"

[herr_bookman]

Autor purses his lips, thinking on that. "Yes. But what does that have to do with...?" He doesn't want to say the word again. It sounds dirty.

[hey35andholding]

"Let's just say people use it to get big things into narrow things, okay?" And she doesn't snicker, which for Clem is actually a pretty amazing feat of anti-assholeism.

[herr_bookman]

Yeah, that blank look? Indicates that he still doesn't get it. "Uh-huh," he says, skeptically. "So what you're saying is--"

He claps his hands over his mouth, strangled by his fearsome blush. Someone just figured it out. "Oh, my god!"

[hey35andholding]

"Ding ding," she replies. If she had booze, she'd be sipping it to punctuate her point. But since she doesn't, she'll settle for shooting him a smirk.

[herr_bookman]

"But why would you--I mean, a big thing... In a little thing... and... um. Gosh," Autor says, flailing a little. His brain just can't handle this level of perversion. "I, um... Wouldn't that hurt?"

[hey35andholding]

"Human nature, honey," she says lightly. "All about human nature." Then a dry raising of her eyebrow. "Not if you do it right."