The vegetable wingman.

[tire_moi_mes_bottes]

Do you know who'd enjoy being trapped by mischievous mistletoe, collecting kisses from pretty girls and others? Do you know who would enjoy making himself a profession of rescuing helpless mistletoe victims?

BOSSUET WOULD DAMNED WELL ENJOY THAT, is who.

But every time he looks up, there's no sprig of greenery above his head, and every time he spots a mistletoe victim, someone else gets there first. (Often, he has noticed, Bahorel.)

Well, that's luck for you, and it's not as though it's the first time a lonely Laigle has taken matters into his own hands. Now he's in the bar with a potted plant, a potted plant with warning signs.

Warning: Do Not Pull The Mandrake Mistletoe.

and then a newer sign

MISTLETOE. It may resemble a mandrake, but I assure you it is mistletoe and it has me in its relentless vegetable grasp.

...which is all very well and good, and he sets it prominently on the bar next to him while he orders a bottle of wine and an extra glass or two. (He also has a book to read, of course. He wouldn't want to look desperate.) But another part of his mind is working away at the (annoying and probably useless) conversation with Hannibal Lecter, and he's got an eye out for anyone he's seen with the man.



((I'm going on slowtimes, but it's still open! OH MAN I'M SORRY, I fell asleep on the couch mid-sentence, back in the saddle today.))

Comments

[street_sparrow]

"Only you, Lesgle", Gavroche says with amusement, "wouldn't even be able to get bad luck when you want it."

[tire_moi_mes_bottes]

"It's my specialty," he says cheerfully. "Ah--hm. Don't take this the wrong way, Gavroche, but I hope you're not volunteering...?"

He knows Gavroche isn't still a child, but. Some things are just weird.

[street_sparrow]

"...no offence, but no." He grins. "My tastes run more to girls."

[tire_moi_mes_bottes]

"Naturally," he says with some haste. "But you know, it's dreadful, all these mistletoe situations, and Bahorel is the one always ready to hand."

[street_sparrow]

He doesn't judge other people's tastes! The haste gets a smile of reassurance in case Bossuet was afraid of giving offence, or of being judged, as it's hard to tell.

"Now why doesn't that surprise me. I can fetch you a real sprig if you want, but it probably won't be a magic one."

[tire_moi_mes_bottes]

Lesgle doesn't judge other people's tastes either! But he's not entirely sure of his footing in this place.

"Ah, thank you. But would adding a sprig of mistletoe to this tableau mean I had to kiss my plant?"

[street_sparrow]

Gavroche considers this seriously.

"It doesn't have a face to kiss, unless you pull it up and you can't do that. You could kiss a leaf, I s'pose."

[tire_moi_mes_bottes]

"Indeed I could, and I don't think I'd offend my mandrake friend with a comradely peck on a frond."

[street_sparrow]

"Nor anyone else, for that matter. Maybe it'd even get you out if it did turn out to be magic mistletoe."

[tire_moi_mes_bottes]

"Vegetable affections offend no one here? Good to know."

[street_sparrow]

"Not unless the vegetable affections involve public nudity."

Those tastes, he might judge.

[tire_moi_mes_bottes]

"God forbid," he says cheerfully.

[street_sparrow]

Gavroche grins. "You'll find it's hard to make most people even raise an eyebrow, unless they're very new or inclined to take offence anyway."

Why yes, that is an oblique reference to Gene Hunt.

[tire_moi_mes_bottes]

"Bahorel will be so sad to hear it. Are you quite sure?"

[street_sparrow]

"I did say most people, and there's newcomers all the time. Speaking of which, I've got a challenge for our dear Bahorel. Sunshine says nothing makes her blush."

[tire_moi_mes_bottes]

"Ah--Sunshine? I'm not sure I know a Sunshine, or not by that name. But I'm sure Bahorel will recognize it as a challenge as soon as he hears!"

[street_sparrow]

"Her real name's Rae, maybe you know her by that?" He grins. "I thought so."