milliways_bar | (no subject)

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Jack has been keeping a bit of a low profile since the whole 'ruining Christmas' thing.

But today he gets a napkin informing him that he is bartending.

How difficult can this be?

He picks up the chalk and writes.

Specials:

Eggnog
Cocoa (with or without cockroaches)
Wine

That should do it, right?

Just in case anyone wants beer, he starts trying to work out how to turn on the taps.

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A diminutive woman, or maybe a large insect, alights on Bar's countertop. She hasn't seen an actual skeleton tending bar. Or doing anything more complicated than swing an axe around for that matter. The bartender is a curiosity.

After looking through the specials she comments, "I have had candied chocolate-covered cockroaches before, but cockroaches just swimming in cocoa? It must be an acquired taste."

"Oh they are quite, quite dead." Jack reassures her, peering down at the large insect with unblinking eyes. "But you can have it without if you prefer."

She raises an eyebrow at him. "Dead? Why would you specify that... oh, I said swimming instead of floating, didn't I? Well, live ones would be bothersome wouldn't they, with all those legs and claws trying to push you away and scratch you," she thinks aloud.

"How sweet is the cocoa and how long have the cockroaches been floating in it? I am feeling a bit of a craving for protein, now that I think of it." If the cockroaches have had time to soak in the sugar, they might not be bad.

"I usually grate in the cockroaches and you may have the cocoa as sweet as you like." Jack says.

"Grated? Well, that changes things completely; I thought I would be fishing them out and munching on them. Well, in that case, cocoa with cockroach, extra sugar please," she says, super contented.

"What size?" Jack asks.

"Oh, um, half a pint should do," Fixit asks.

Jack prepares it.

"What holiday is it with the masks?" he asks.

"The holiday with masks?" Fixit thinks. "It's either the Days of the Dead or Halloween in the Fall, but those are pretty much the same set of days; they might as well be the same holiday. There are a few people who are beginning to celebrate something called Pancake Day in the Spring. What pancakes have to do with Spring I don't know and what masks have to do with either..." she shakes her her head. "Maybe I'll ask some day, hopefully while pancakes are still celebrated."

Edited 2015-02-21 02:17 (UTC)

"Definitely not Halloween. They are too pretty." Jack says, passing her the drink, curious as to how such a small person can consume half a pint of anything.

She's bigger on the inside. Also, she paces herself.

"I haven't ever seen a skeleton as animated as yourself. Animate skeletons I have seen, but only capable of basic tasks like swinging a weapon around or throwing rocks. Do you have a name?"

"A weapon I have no need to swing,
I am Jack, the Pumpkin King." Jack says. "And you?"

"Fairy Fixit, senior teleportation network engineer, Zanaris division of the Abyssal Services Department."

"Oh, may I have a straw for this?" Fixit asks.

"So, have you been seeing these pretty masks in here?"

"Yes." Jack says. "Brightly coloured, feathers and things."

"The few Pancake Day masks I have seen are like that," Fixit says with a confused shrug.

"So what is it that a Pumpkin King does?" she asks.

"I do not know of pancake." Jack says.

"I rule the monsters that are responsible for Halloween." he says, simply.

"Responsible for Halloween?" she asks-echoes. "An odd concept. But I suppose its a good division of labor. Many of the fairies on Zanaris are responsible for seasonal changes like coloring leaves red and yellow in the fall, painting fruits when they are ripe, knitting snowflakes."

She sips at her cocoa, then remembers something that causes her to sigh. "I almost forgot the years that the Fairy Godfather rented out pixie work crews out to toymakers for the Christmas season. Horrible, eugh. I suppose that the pixies were responsible for Christmas in those years, the poor things."

"Yes, we tried to cover Christmas this year, but it didn't go well." Jack says.

"Really? What happened?" Fixit asks.

"I gather the effect was a little too spooky. Oh, and we accidentally stole the wrong Santa."

"Stealing the wrong Santa," she echoes with a giggle. "That sounds less like you were covering the holiday and more like a hostile takeover."

"We didn't get that entirely right, I admit." Jack says.

"Uh. Digital Cocoa. No roaches. Please."

There were quite enough of those during the fight.

"Digital..." Jack looks around the bar, trying to work out how to make that.

"Down there." Enzo leans over the bar a bit to point to the relevant section.

"Ah, thank you." Jack picks up the tin and reads the instructions.

"Excuse me please but all these drinks
Are somewhat unfamiliar."

"It's cool. Digital confuses everyone at first."

This one shouldn't be difficult, though, as the instructions are:
0. Heat.
1. Drink.

"What is digital? Is it like vegetarian?" Jack asks, trying to work out how the tin opens.

"Um, no... well, I mean, around here it counts as a dietary restriction, so sort of? It means it's made of electricity and information. I can't eat matter."

"I see." he doesn't. "Does it go in the microwave?"

"NO! Uh, no." That would actually be an extraordinarily bad idea. "There should be an amplifier down there somewhere."

It looks rather like a hotplate.

Jack looks around.

"Is it this?" he asks, holding up a food processor.

There are certain hazards of someone who does not have to eat or drink to survive leading bartending.

"No, it's flat, like a little stove thing. I can come back there if you want..."

"Yes please. Sorry, I don't really cook." Jack says, apologetically.

That makes sense, Enzo refrains from saying. He nods, makes his way around the bar, and finds the hotplate.

"Here. See, you just fill the mug, put it on the plate, and turn the dial to about 101 and let it heat up."

"Thank you." Jack watches it, cautiously.

"A hundred and one what?"

"Actually, it's binary, it means 5. And not five of anything, it's just the fifth setting. Higher is hotter."

"I see. We do not really cook much." Jack says. "Some of the monsters need to eat, but they mostly scavenge."

"That... makes sense, yeah."

Monsters, at least of the Halloweeny sort, aren't typically noted for cookery. Eating, yes, quite emphatically so in some cases, but not haute cuisine.

"It's how I keep my figure." Jack laughs.

"Can you eat?"

"I can. I'm not sure I can eat digital, though."

"If you're magical enough, you might be able," Enzo considers, "but I wouldn't risk it."

"I am magical in the same way as Father Christmas." Jack says.

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