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[wee_mad_arthur]

There is a sizable mug of beer sitting on the Bar unattended.

Well, unless you count the splashing coming from inside the mug.

Which you probably should.

Comments

[freedom_is_grey]

Ysalwen does not bother peering over the mug's rim.

"I assume there'd be screaming if drowning were an actual concern, correct?"

A pause.

"Or you'd just knock the mug over, so there's that."

[wee_mad_arthur]

"Ach, a man can swim, can't he?" calls Wee Mad Arthur's voice from inside the mug. "I've been doin' this since first I came to Ankh-Morpork all those years ago."

So, yeah, drowning probably isn't all that much of a concern.

[freedom_is_grey]

"Sometimes even competent swimmers choke when they're drinking at the same time!"

Or so she's heard.

[wee_mad_arthur]

"Aye, that's bigjobs for ye! Can't keep two things in hand a' once, the lot of 'em. It's all the leg and arm they've got. Trips 'em up, so it does."

This makes more sense to someone who has been immersing himself in beer for longer than Ysalwan. Really.

[freedom_is_grey]

"I'll have you know I have the perfect amount of leg and arm for me."

She would sniff haughtily, but that's just overkill.

"Though I have seen a lot of people all elbows and knees, so -- "

[wee_mad_arthur]

A minuscule head pops over the rim of the mug for a moment.

"Ach, well, I'll give ye that much," he says grudgingly. "Better than some, anyways."

[freedom_is_grey]

"Thank you, Arthur."

She appreciates his canny judgment.

"There's something to be said for not having to worry about hitting your head on stalactites. Or doorjambs."

[wee_mad_arthur]

"That's best left to the experts," Arthur agrees. "Sergeant Detritus does that one like a champ, most o' the time."

[freedom_is_grey]

"Sergeant Detritus?"

It's -- a very solid-sounding name. Kind of like Shale.

"I don't think I've met them. Huh."

[wee_mad_arthur]

"T'Watch's troll," says Wee Mad Arthur, propping himself up with both elbows on the rim of the mug. "Great bloody walkin' rock of a fellow, near as thick as two bricks. Ain't sure he's been here, it ain't the sort of thing he remembers much."

Not during the summer, anyway.

[freedom_is_grey]

"Oh. It -- he sounds like my golem friend Shale, at least in size and rock-like consistency. She's not particularly thick, though she does hate pigeons a great deal."

Hmm.

"But trolls are born and not made, I take it? I mean -- golems are magical, at least they start that way. They're people, too, but it gets -- um. Messy."

[wee_mad_arthur]

"Nah, trolls're born, and I'll thank ye not to ask me how, as there's nowhere near enough in this mug to wipe the thought from me thoughts," says Arthur. "Golems, now, ye get them by makin' a shape of clay and firin' it, and then ye get some bigjobs holy man to write down the words on a scroll and put 'em in the head. Bloody things do all the mucky jobs."

[freedom_is_grey]

"Huh. That's -- actually not as messy as the process back home. I don't know that it's better, though. Because if they don't even start out as people -- how will people remember to treat them like that after they're made?"

Ysalwen has a very low opinion of people in this regard.

Experience is a great teacher for that.

"That's why all the mucky jobs, hmm?"

[the_lioness]

"What in Mithros's name..." Alanna wonders aloud, just before crying out in alarm, "Faithful, no!"

There is a large black cat with very purple eyes looking down at the mug's interior.

He opens his mouth and pokes at a long tooth with his rough feline tongue.

Is he smiling? No, he couldn't possibly be smiling.

Nor does he have much of a taste for ale.

[wee_mad_arthur]

If he's smiling, he won't be smiling long. Wee Mad Arthur was on a dive when the light got blocked out from overhead, and it's amazing how much leverage a fellow the gnome's size can get by crouching on the bottom of the mug and pushing upward as hard as he possibly can.

The surface erupts in foam and gnome a moment later.

[the_lioness]

It's true. The smile is gone. What is also true is that the cat moves with what appears to be supernatural speed and only gets a trace of foam on his whiskers, which he calmly lifts a paw to clean.

Most of the foam hits Alanna, who had leaned in to yank Faithful back from whatever was happening in the mug.

She splutters and turns a baleful look on her cat. "Are you here to help me or curse me?" she mutters, before glancing back at the small being. She wipes at the foam with a formerly spotless sleeve. "I..."

Goddess. He's... blue. And has hair as red as her own.

"He's a very rude cat," she says, looking bemused.

[wee_mad_arthur]

"He's askin' to get pulled under and held there is what he is," returns the beer-soaked little fellow. "What's a cat doin' loose in a bigjob bar, anyways?"

[the_lioness]

Alanna stares for a moment, then grins.

"Go ahead. I won't stop you."

Faithful turns his head to eye Alanna. One by one, the claws on the paw he's cleaning pop out.

"Oh, stop it." She smiles at the man again, moving her hand back to its usual resting place on the hilt of her sword. "Faithful apologizes. As for what he's doing in a... in a tavern... he's my constant companion. Can't get rid of him."

[wee_mad_arthur]

"Ach, it's a wizard creature, then?" He shakes his head. "He can bloody well get his own beer, then. I bought this one fair and square with me own wages."

Which go ever so much further for someone of his size than for the humans and dwarves they were originally scaled to suit.

[the_lioness]

"Well," Alanna drawls out, "more of a goddess's creature. I'm the Gifted one."

She furrows her brow and climbs up on a bar stool, moving her sword to the side as she does.

(Sitting with a sword strapped to your hips is not a graceful looking process.)

"I'm Alan of Trebond. And I don't think Faithful -- that's him -- wants to steal your beer, sir. Though I have to ask... do you intend to drink it or just swim in it?"

She doesn't understand the appeal.

[wee_mad_arthur]

Wee Mad Arthur grunts. "Which goddess?" he asks. "One of them, what d'you'callem, Djelibeybi ones? Is it them or Hersheba that's all mad about cats and crocodiles and such?"

He's pretty sure it's not Klatch, but his knowledge of geography outside the Sto Plains is a little fuzzy at best.

"The name's Wee Mad Arthur. Of the Ankh-Morpork City Watch," says Wee Mad Arthur. "And I'm drinkin' it, it's just a slower go than yez bigjobs could manage. Might as well enjoy meself instead of spillin' it eight weighs from Octeday.'

[the_lioness]

"The Great Mother Goddess," Alanna answers. "You have a goddess for cats and crocodiles together? Interesting."

It is. Alanna is fascinated by the various religions she hears about here.

"I wouldn't imagine they'd have much in common, cats and crocodiles. Though I suppose mountains and mares don't either, and that's another name for my patroness, the Mother of Mountains and Mares." She grins again. "Wee Mad Arthur? That is an excellent battle name. I've been called two of those names myself."

Definitely not 'Arthur,' though.

"Well, plan on another on my tab, if it'll make amends for how we met. I don't know many city watchmen, as it happens. I'm glad to rectify that."

[wee_mad_arthur]

Arthur waves one hand, just barely grasping onto the mug with the other. "Nah, nah, they've got loads of gods in Djelibeybi," he says. "One for the cats, one for the crocodiles- that's Offler- one for rains, one for- well, they've got a great bloody load of gods, more than most folk in Ankh-Morpork bother with, I can tell yez that. Drives Constable Visit mad, but he's Omnian, an' they're all like that."

He grins and sketches an awkward, soggy sort of salute with his free hand. "Can't say I've heard of this Trebond of yez, either, let alone met anyone from the place," he says. "Reckon that makes us even, or close to it."

[the_lioness]

Alanna's lips twitch.

"We have more temples in Corus than houses, I think." An exaggeration, of course, but you couldn't have convinced ten-year-old Alanna of it the first day she rode through the Temple District. "Is Ankh-Morpork your capital? Corus is Tortall's. That's my realm. Trebond is my family's fief, so I'm certainly not surprised you've never met anyone from there. If you had that would mean you'd met my twin brother. He doesn't know about Milliways. If he did, I'm sure I would've had an irate letter about my secret keeping long before now."

Unless Thom decided to sulk first.

Anyway.

[wee_mad_arthur]

"Ankh-Morpork's the biggest city on the Disc, far as I know," says Wee Mad Arthur. "If it's anywhere's capital, it's the capital of itself. Captain Carrot sez there was an empire and a king once, but it ain't been like that in a thousand years. The city's enough to be a country in itself. Reckon yez could fit a country like Lancre into it a few times over and not even notice, bar the newcomers complainin' about the smell."