(no subject)

[vyvyan]

Vyvyan has had a lot to think about recently. Trying not to smell, for example. Wondering if it might be better not to live in a squat.

He mentioned this to the lads back home. Mike had said that was all very well, except nobody had any money. Neil had started whining that it wasn't his turn to get a job. And Rick had started saying 'Oh, oh, so the place I found for us isn't good enough for you, is it?' until Vyv had hit him over the head with a chair.

So it looks like if he's going to make any progress, he's going to have to do it himself.

That's why he's in the bar, having taken a few showers, and has a sign on his table.

WILL DO STUFF FOR MONEY
ALL OFFERS CUNSIDERED
MAKE ME AN OFFER

Comments

[rhymes_with_boss]

Alex is still in prison clothes.

"What kind of services do you offer?" she enquires, wandering up with a cup of nicely steaming triple espresso macchiato.

[vyvyan]

"What do you fancy?" Vyv asks.

"I'm quite good at breaking stuff with my head."

[rhymes_with_boss]

"I don't think I have a use for that," Alex says. "What else can you do?"

[vyvyan]

"Er... I can stand next to people you don't like?"

[rhymes_with_boss]

"That would of course be very horrible," she says, "but I doubt I could explain your presence in Litchfield Penitentiary."

[vyvyan]

"I could dress as a warden?"

[rhymes_with_boss]

"That drives most people away already," she says. "But we're a small place; we know all the guards."

[vyvyan]

"What about a vicar?"

[rhymes_with_boss]

"We don't get one, just some religious lady," she says.

[vyvyan]

"Well, I've not done drag before, but... wait, have you even got any money anyway, being in the nick?"

[rhymes_with_boss]

"Nope!"

[vyvyan]

"Mind you, I'd probably do that for free, sounds like a good laugh."

[rhymes_with_boss]

"Come to the prison with me and scare my redneck workmates?"

[vyvyan]

"Yeah, sure!"

[rhymes_with_boss]

"She'd look crazy if she swore she's seen you..." Alex muses.

Clearly not considering that a bad thing.

[vyvyan]

"In or out of drag?"

[rhymes_with_boss]

Alex snorts as she considers the idea of Vyvyan in drag.

[vyvyan]

"Have to have a bit of a wash, I guess."

[rhymes_with_boss]

"Well, depends," she says. "The rednecks are used to people being smelly, more likely than not."

[vyvyan]

"I might not smell like the right thing though."

[rhymes_with_boss]

"I can't possibly tell," she says, shaking her head.

[vyvyan]

"What do you want me to smell like?"

[rhymes_with_boss]

"Smoke, bourbon, engine oil and unwashed feet?" she suggests.

[vyvyan]

"I could have a fag?"

[rhymes_with_boss]

"If you mean a cigarette, then yes," she says.