milliways_bar | (no subject)

[elfwarning]

Sasha Nein was minding his own business going over paperwork in a booth in the back, until somehow a cheap wooden elf doll appeared on his table. It was tacky, and did not seem to belong to anyone, so he blew it up, with the power of his mind.

Next time he looked up, there were four cheap wooden elf dolls. He muttered something rude under his breath in German, and blew them up as well.

Next time he looked up, there were seventeen cheap wooden elf dolls, and this was no longer just a matter of good taste, it was officially a Mystery. Mysteries must be Investigated.

Now, anyone who comes by the booth will see a table covered in dolls, and a whiteboard full of notes:

Destruction	4x number of dolls destroyed appear
Foul language (German)	+1 per swear morpheme
Moving to another table	They all move back, but no new ones appear
Moving off of paperwork	They don't move back
Moving to locked container	Same number appear; container still full
Reorienting to face wall, tipping face-down	They right themselves and turn to watch me
I move to other side of booth	They turn to watch me
Foul language (English)	+1 per swear word
Colorful insults	+1 per noun phrase
Sarcastic compliments	+1 to +3 per sentence (bitterness?)
Non-sarcastic compliments	+1 per sentence (can they tell I'm not actually sincere?)
Ignoring elves and working on paperwork	-1 every five minutes
Disassembly	4x appear (as destruction); no mechanism revealed; parts disappear when not watched
Scowling in frustration	No change

He seems to have stopped testing, though. Would anyone like to suggest something to try?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"Oh, no, they've found you, too?" Autor says as he approaches, eyeing the pile of dolls. "Those are quite the set of notes."

"It seems clear that they multiply in response to anything rude or even mildly hostile. I'd like to see how they react to positive attention, but I think they can tell I'm not sincere about it. They're just so ... tacky, how can anyone stand them?" He shakes his head. "You've seen them too -- has anyone else?"

Edited 2016-12-14 01:45 (UTC)

"Yes, a lot of people have seen them," Autor says, adjusting his glasses. "And yes, they are extremely tacky. If they're destroyed, more show up, as you've noted. I'd like to see how they react to positive attention, too."

He picks up one of the dolls, turning it over in his hands. "You're classy," he tells the doll. "No, no effect."

Edited 2016-12-14 02:03 (UTC)

"I used to work in a lamp factory, so I know there's a market for things like this, I just don't understand why." He shrugs. "The other things I've determined are: they only move, appear, or disappear, when you're not watching; they're not mechanized; and they don't seem to have any psi signature, which I would normally say means they aren't alive. But maybe they do have a psi signature when I'm not watching. Oh, and I don't think it's a coincidence that my coffee is now frozen solid."

"A lamp factory? Huh," Autor says, tilting his head. "So they froze your coffee solid? Mischievous little buggers, aren't they? I think they're connected to Father Christmas. If you're 'naughty', more appear."

"I was young and desperate." He shrugs again.

"Father Christmas, you think? That could get ugly. We could have the Krampus on our hands."

"It's possible, but unlikely, given that Krampus came to abduct people two years ago," Autor says, furrowing his brow. "I think he typically works alone. It wouldn't surprise me if he's up in the mountains here somewhere, choosing not to venture down into the main bar area."

Edited 2016-12-14 18:35 (UTC)

"The Krampus himself is independent, but I don't see why the dolls couldn't attract his attention? They could be capable of almost anything. It's got to be some form of magic; do you know anyone who can analyze magic? I met a winged unicorn once here who could probably do it, but haven't seen her since."

"That's a fair point," Autor says, cocking his head to the side. "I don't know anyone who could analyze magic. Maybe Sunshine, though I doubt she'll be interested. By winged unicorn, do you mean Twilight Sparkle?"

"Yes, that was her name. I only met her the once, but she seemed quite knowledgeable. My world doesn't have magic as far as we can tell, so I don't know where to begin with it. ... Who's Sunshine? I don't think I've met her."

"She should be knowledgeable; she's a unicorn," Autor says, nodding thoughtfully. "My world doesn't have magic either, unless it's deeply hidden. Sunshine is a baker. Her real name is Rae. She's about five foot five with red hair."

"No, definitely haven't met her.

"You said Krampus visited the bar two years ago; were there elves then? Or Father Christmas himself?"

"Father Christmas opposed Krampus in a great showdown in the forest," Autor says, gesturing to the back door. "He was put into a cage with the intent to banish him from Milliways, but was eventually released into the mountains after some patrons felt sorry for him. Initially, Krampus abducted people and threw them in pairs into the Labyrinth."

"I wasn't aware there was a Labyrinth on the grounds...never mind. So, if Father Christmas does come to the bar, we should try to contact him and ask him to explain this." He gestures vaguely at the elves covering the table. There are even more of them now. Perhaps they do not like being discussed.

"Yes, there is one," Autor starts, until Sasha tells him not to worry about it. "I've left Father Christmas a note, which I expect a response to shortly. But it's entirely possible that, since these are Christmas elves, they'll disappear on their own after Christmas ends."

"That makes sense, but I'm still worried about the meantime. Even if all they do is multiply, we might be up to our ears in the things. I hope you do hear from Father Christmas soon.

"Let's try talking about something unrelated. I'm curious about this Labyrinth. If the Krampus threw people into it, it must be quite difficult to get back out of?"

Edited 2016-12-15 00:46 (UTC)

"They're quite the problem," Autor says, giving a stink-eye to the pile of dolls. "The Labyrinth is very difficult to get through. I've never been, but I've heard that people never enter the same room twice. I've heard there was a minotaur, and a room full of yarn, and a room full of automatons."