Hellwasp plot

[deadeye_shot]

Hawkeye is seated at the bar in uniform, filling out paperwork and politely eating a slice of ham and mashed potatoes. She adds her signature to a requisition form--Fuery needs another part for the transister radio--and sets it aside in the second stack of papers when a hellwasp lands on her neck.

Before she can react, it stings her.

She hisses between clenched teeth, hand flying up to catch the pest, but it's too late: the insect has already flown away. Her gaze snaps to the ham on her plate, and she gags, bile filling her mouth. Nearly falling off her chair, she stumbles to the bathroom, where she empties the contents of her stomach.

When she returns to the bar, she can't look at the plate. She breathes through her mouth to keep from inhaling the smell of the meat. She scoops up her paperwork, keeping her teeth tightly clamped together.

Then an idea strikes her. She's not hungry anymore, but other people might be. If she can't stand the ham, she can make potato soup. And she can make a lot, too. "Heck, yes, potato soup!" Riza says, jumping in the air and pumping her fist.

Riza asks Bar for ingredients--potatoes, vegetable broth, cream, carrots, spices--and carts the provided paper bags over to the kitchen, where she expects to spend the next several hours.

{ooc: Hawkeye has been stung by the hellwasp. She has lost her formality, and gained Sunshine's visceral aversion to meats and her compulsion to cook for everyone around her. Catch Hawkeye in the bar, the bathroom, or the kitchen--or heading to any of those places.}

Comments

[souffle_girlek]

"Err." Oswin thought she knew all the major players in the revolving dance that is use of the kitchens... turns out she was wrong.

Clearly she needs more surveillance bots.

It is infinitely more easy to come down when no one is around than to worry about someone being offended about potential mis-use of ovens.

"Sorry, didn't know anyone was here."

[deadeye_shot]

Hawkeye has taken off her stiff uniform jacket and draped it over a chair, revealing a black, form-fitting turtleneck. She's let her long, blonde hair down, and was even humming as she sautees garlic and onions in butter.

When the woman speaks, Hawkeye turns to her with a beaming smile. "Oh, hello! Sorry, am I in your way?"

[souffle_girlek]

"No, not really, it's just usually quiet when I come down." Oswin fails to mention that's on purpose, no one needs a front-row pass to her insecurities. "That looks... involved."

[deadeye_shot]

"It's potato soup. Or, rather, it will be," Hawkeye says, smiling down at the onions and garlic. She turns to the woman and offers a hand. "First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye. Are you hungry?"

[souffle_girlek]

Get in or go away, her options become more limited, so she chooses the former. The woman isn't a Dalek, and she'll bet on every 'bot she has the Doctor would never join the military.

The hand-shaking is a little odd, but eh. She's hardly one to talk.

"Oswin Oswald, not currently in command of... anything. Maybe a cat, but I don't think that follows. Anyway, yeah, I could eat."

[deadeye_shot]

Hawkeye withdraws her hand, and turns back to the simmering aromatics. "Great. Give me twenty minutes, and I'll have this soup done for you. I hope you're really hungry; I'm making quite a bit, so everyone who wants some can eat. Have you been coming to Milliways long?"

[souffle_girlek]

"You could say that. I live here." Oswin notes wryly. "Haven't seen you about before - just found a way in?"

[deadeye_shot]

Hawkeye nods, turning the heat down. She washes the potatoes and starts chopping. "Yep! I've only been coming for a few weeks along with my commanding officer, Colonel Roy Mustang. I think you'd like him. Most people do."

Well, the ones who aren't jealous of his rising quickly in the ranks, or worried about him stealing their girlfriends do. So, yeah, most people.

[souffle_girlek]

"Already trying to set me up?" Oswin snorts, perching on one of the stools, and balancing her feet on another. "What, does that mean you're off the market?"

[deadeye_shot]

Is she... hitting on me? Hawkeye thinks, blinking at Oswin. Riza blushes from chin to roots, and turns away, slicing through potatoes with determination. "Oh, I, um," she says, and clears her throat. "I have no interest in dating. Thank you--thanks."

[souffle_girlek]

Okay, that is adorable. Oswin grins, wishing she had the opportunity to see it again some time.

"Eh, it was worth a shot. Let me know if you change your mind."

[deadeye_shot]

"Mm," Hawkeye says, more of a neutral grunt than anything, because she's not quite sure how to react to being hit on by a woman--or at all, but especially this situation. Riza has had her fair share of catcalls and harassment, but she's rarely actually had people make passes at her, and never female company.

Slice. Slice. Slice. Her cuts on the potatoes are firm and even, as if she couldn't still pass off as having had a sunburn on her face. She shakes her head--surely she shouldn't be this embarrassed. Oswin's not threatening in any way. Maybe in other worlds women hit on women without blinking an eyelash. Oswin certainly didn't.

"So, um," Riza says, her own voice sounding strangled to her ears, "Roy--I mean, Colonel Mustang--is kind of a flirt."

Like you.

[souffle_girlek]

Roy, huh? Oswin's pretty sure that this gal isn't disinterested in dating at all... just not with her. Or nearly anyone else in the multiverse.

"Oh yeah?" Might as well let the lady talk about her favorite topic.

[deadeye_shot]

"Yeah, so, he, uh," Riza says, not exactly squirming, but still pink-cheeked. "He, um... I'm not trying to set you up with him--he can find his own dates, for goodness' sake--but you two would get along like a house on fire."

Because Oswin just flirted with her. Yes. This logic is sound.

(Riza still can't believe it, can't even process the fact that she was hit on. By a woman.)

Hawkeye dumps the potatoes in the soup pot and washes her hands. "Some people might call him a womanizer, and he's definitely a lazeabout--he rarely gets his paperwork done on time, and never without my nagging him--but he, um... Well, you'd get along with him."

[souffle_girlek]

Oswin snorts, leaning against the countertop.

"You know, some people might call that an insult." She observes, laughing.

[deadeye_shot]

"Really?" Riza says, turning to her for the first time since she flirted. "Why so? Do most people not like you? I mean, it's not that I don't like you. Just not in that way! I'm not, um... I don't... Oh, boy."

Open mouth, insert foot.

[souffle_girlek]

"That I'd get along famously with a lazy, irresponsible, womanizer? Generally not gracious terms, y'know." She drawls, raising an eyebrow.

[deadeye_shot]

"Oh," Riza says, pressing her hands to her deeply red cheeks. "I didn't think of it like that. I am very sorry. I think I might have a higher opinion of him than most. My bias clearly got me in trouble here."

Because he's not a lazy, irresponsible womanizer at all. He's brave and hardworking and a gentlemen and Riza loves him, fiercely, an all-consuming love that leaves a pit of longing in her heart.

But his image is her secret to bear, so she can't correct the mistake now, even if she did put her foot firmly in her mouth.

[souffle_girlek]

"Ooooh, you do not do well when flustered. So he's even worse than you said? Might have to give that a pass." Oswin laughs, figuring she's well within her rights after a casual (and evidently inadvertent) insult like that.

[deadeye_shot]

Riza has no idea how to salvage this situation. She must have been more affected by Oswin's flirting than she thought. Riza covers her face with her hands. "Oh, no, no, he's... He's brave and kind and generous, and he worries too much about his subordinates, and he's just... If you'd meet him, you'd see that he's not at all horrible."

She peeks at Oswin through her fingers. "I've said too much. I am so sorry I insulted you; that wasn't my intention at all."

Determined not to embarrass herself--or Roy, for that matter--further, Riza bites her bottom lip and hauls the soup pot over to the sink to fill it with water.

[souffle_girlek]

"Nah, don't worry about it. It's clear you're head over heels for the guy." Love makes you do crazy things, she knows that well enough.

[deadeye_shot]

Riza nearly drops the pot on the way to the stove. She sets it down a little more hasty than necessary. "Wh-What? Where did you get that impression?" she stammers, turning the heat on with a shaky hand.

Turning to Oswin and leaning on the stove, she hangs her head. "It's that obvious?"

[souffle_girlek]

"Usually if you're trying to hide a crush, not exclusively talking about said crush helps. A little. I've been told, anyway." She shrugs. "It doesn't matter much to me, I mean, who am I gonna tell, the wait rats?"

[deadeye_shot]

Riza scrubs a hand over her hair. "I'm not normally like this. Normally, I have a lot tighter hold on my tongue--and my emotions."

She crosses to the sink to wash her hands. She's still cooking, after all. Ostensibly; the soup is pretty much done. "Because that's just the thing: I can't love him openly. He's my superior officer, and there are anti-fraternization laws. I appreciate your discretion."

[souffle_girlek]

"... I'm... guessing there's a reason not to take the obvious out in this problem?" Oswin asks, because... hell, if she was this gone on a guy she'd be out of the military so fast heads would spin.

[deadeye_shot]

Riza chews on her lower lip, leaning on the counter. She folds her arms, staring at her feet. "If I'm not in the military anymore, I can't protect him. I'm his aide, his bodyguard."

And he's tasked her with shooting him in the back should he stray from the right path. He depends on her to help him fulfill his dreams.

It's... unbelievably freeing to talk about this to someone. Even if that someone is a virtual stranger. Riza flushes again, feeling heat scald her cheeks and run over her nose. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bend your ear or encourage your sympathy. You're practically a stranger to me."

[souffle_girlek]

"A colonel needs a bodyguard? Maybe he's the one that should be quitting." Oswin snickers. "And you shouldn't worry about that either - I mean, my story's not that interesting. Joined the crew of a starliner, picked the ship that crashed it's first time out, and managed to come here. It's all a bit dull really. No hot colonels, certainly."

[deadeye_shot]

"I don't know what his temperature has to do with it," Riza says, cracking her knuckles. She offers Oswin a wistful smile, completely open and unguarded and full of hope. "You've been to space?"

[souffle_girlek]

"Kinda boring, at least the way I did it. What time wasn't spent below-decks was spent herding rich tourists around. S'like toddlers, really. Just... grosser." Oswin explains, having been completely un-enamored with her job by the time the ship crashed.

[deadeye_shot]

"Oh," Riza says, making a moue of disappointment. "That's too bad, really. We don't even have flight in Amestris, so to think of someone going to space--that's wild."

[souffle_girlek]

"I just wanted to see other planets. Working for a starliner seemed like the best way to do it." Oswin offers pragmatically. "Turns out it doesn't work so well if you pick a ship that crashes."

[deadeye_shot]

"At least you ended up here eventually," Riza says sympathetically, clearly thinking Oswin is dead. "And maybe you can travel to other people's worlds and see their planets."

[souffle_girlek]

"So far that hasn't worked so well for me." Oswin snorts. "A friend was teaching me how to drive, and somehow we ended up in a world with dinosaurs. Lemme tell you - dinosaurs are Not Fun." Oswin is actively anti-dinosaur, at this point of her life.

[deadeye_shot]

"Dinosaurs?" Hawkeye says, blinking at her. "Like the giant lizards?"

[souffle_girlek]

"Exactly like giant lizards. Giant lizards who think two squishy humans are a snack." Oswin confirms, firmly. "Not a good tourist attraction."

[deadeye_shot]

"However did you get away from them?" Riza says, moving to turn the heat down on the soup and add the cream, salt, pepper, and marjoram.

[souffle_girlek]

"Clint, that's the friend who was teaching me to drive, he drove, and shot anything that got too close. I got us a map out and electrified the fences behind us. It was a team event that involved a lot of screaming." She smirks, self-deprecating. "On my part."

[deadeye_shot]

"Good job," Riza says, stirring the cream into the soup. "How did you electrify the fences?"

[souffle_girlek]

"Just turned them on, it wasn't the hard part." Oswin shrugs - if she'd been in charge of the driving or, stars forbid, the shooting...

Welp.

They would have been dino snacks.

[deadeye_shot]

That still doesn't explain how Oswin electrified the fences, but Riza knows she's not entitled to an explanation, especially since the woman doesn't seem to think it was a big deal.

So Riza turns to the cabinets and retrieves a bowl, which she spoons soup into. "Here we are! Potato soup."