milliways_bar | (no subject)

Okay, like, what is that?

It’s cute, but still, what is that?

From several seats down the bar, YT watches the big-eyed bird thing nom its way through piles of blue marshmallows.

It is a porg.

Not that Puffy can tell YT that.

Eventually he notices being watched and chirrups a hello at YT.

“Uh...” YT waves, uncertainly. “Hi?”

She’s not sure whether the bird thing is an animal or a person. Around here you never know.

Bobbing his head excitedly he waddles over to her and chirrups some more. Hello person! How are you?!

He's definitely got the feeling of a slightly smarter than average animal but definitely not people smarts.

Maybe it’s someone’s pet?

At the thought YT more or less automatically falls back on something she knows, which is dogs. She holds out a hand to sniff, the way she would for an unfamiliar but non-hostile pooch.

He is NOT some person's coddled pet like other porgs he could name. HRMPH. Don't be ridiculous.

However, he is a friendly porg and sniffs her hand before ducking his head underneath it in the universal symbol of pet me, please.

So now YT finds herself petting the fluffy, downy head of this weird big-eyed bird thing that she didn’t even know existed five minutes ago.

“Well, you’re a cute little dude.” Pause. “Are you a dude?”

He is, in fact, a dude. The orange feathers around his eyes indicate this. Females have grey feathers there. Not that Puffy can tell her that.

But he can definitely get into the petting, leaning up against the hand and her, crooning softly.

The crooning is surprisingly relaxing.

“Okay, if I try to stroke you on your belly, will you be cool with that?”

Because that belly fluff is tempting!

It really is. Documented fact.

He will, be cool with that and croon even more. In fact that he ends up on his back, eyes closing.

Another porg has made its way to the bar, this one is wearing a blue vest with 'S.T.A.R. Labs' emblazoned across the back.

This porg has not figured out the whole summoning food thing (he has humans for that), but that's okay, because what makes this porg very happy is knocking over stacks of things. Like all the blue cubes stacked up on part of the bar, they are all there just waiting to be knocked down.

And so, with a mighty squawking roar, GP crashes into one of the blue puff cube stacks, toppling it over. The blue puff cubes spill across the bar top and some fall down to the floor and GP squawks his mighty victory, waving his wings in the air.

Excuse me?!

Puffy stares at GP and the mess of cubes now on the floor and around everywhere else.

First of all, he was planning on doing that.

Second of all, GP could have at least asked if he could play. Puffy would be willing to forgive GP for their previous interactions but...

"QURRk!" he snaps out, puffing up and flapping back at GP. HOW DARE YOU!!!!

GP is stamping down on one of the blue cubes like Godzilla crunching a toy tank when Puffy starts hollering.

Throwing his wings up, GP hollers back.

"ARAAAAA!"

The blue cube squishes under GP's webbed feet.

All puffed up, Puffy stomps over to GP in an attempt to intimidate him. He is bigger and older, after all.

"RAAAAAAA! RAAAAAK! RAAAAK!" he screams.

GP will not be intimidated! What he lacks in size he tries to make up for in volume, screeching even louder.

"RAAAAA! ARRR! RAAAAAAAAAAK!!!!"

To anyone in the area the commotion probably sounds like porg murder. On GP's vest a tiny red light starts flashing, set off by GP's shrieking and flails.

Oh. Great. Flashing lights. Not that Puffy has any idea what that could mean.

Are we trying for volume now? Puffy can screech with the best of them. And wing flap as well, flapping up into the air then dropping down hard in front of GP sending blue cubes all over the place.

He's not going to resort to physical violence just yet. It's one thing to intimidate at a young porg. Another thing to actually attack one.

GP shrinks back a little for the first time when Puffy sounds off even louder. The wing flapping and porg-version of a superhero landing backs GP up a step and he might be rethinking his life choices when backup arrives.

Following the distress signal from GP's vest, a flying drone zooms in on the scene. Locked, loaded, and ready to defend, the small craft hovers over GP and starts firing a volley of Nerf darts at the hostile porg party Puffy while speakers on the drone blare AC/DC's 'Shoot to Thrill'.

WTF is that!?

Puffy flaps up and away from the drone, trying to avoid the nerf darts. Porgs are not the most agile of birds, but he's pretty good for a porg. One needs to be to survive as long as he has.

The drone follows Puffy for a short distance, sending strafing fire the porg's way, then returns to GP. The craft cuts the music and chirps at GP and GP's vest chirps back. The drone then settles into a hovering position in the air over GP.

GP crows in triumph, then sets about investigating his plunder; sampling a couple of the blue puff cubes and scattering more across the counter and onto the floor.

At least GP has the good taste to eat the blue puff cubes. Hopefully he even likes them for they are prime porg food.

Up in the rafters, Puffy peers down at GP and the drone, shuffling quietly as he watches.

True facts about porgs: They can be exceptionally quiet when needed to.

After his watching, Puffy decides to take his revenge on the drone. With barely a ruffle of wings Puffy drops down with the intention of landing on top of the drone.

GP samples a few of the cubes, and while they aren't terrible they are certainly not Big Belly fries. After eating just a handful GP loses interest in them as a snack food and instead he focuses on throwing them all over the place.

He's busy kicking a large pile off the edge of the counter when Puffy drops in on the drone.

The drone is a highly sophisticated piece of equipment. It has sensors to scan for threats, automatic stabilizers, a full load of Nerf darts and a superb targeting system that can identify threats and respond.

It cannot, however, detect porg drops from above, or survive the impact of one landing on it and driving it down into the bartop.

The drone is knocked out of the air and crashes into the counter, sending GP fleeing in squawking terror. The ruins of the machine teeter on the bars edge, sending out a beeping distress signal that's garbled by the now broken speakers.

Having never tasted Big Belly Fries, Puffy can easily declare that the blue puff cubes are the superior food. Likely even if he did taste them he'd say the same. There might be some spite involved here.

Puffing up proudly he gives a triumphant cry before picking over the drone pulling out a wire or two. They might be good for his nest. Is that a blue wire? Oh. Blue is perfect!

GP scrambles for cover, diving behind the bar counter.

The drone's distress beeping cuts off completely when Puffy starts pulling wires. A moment or two later the elevator from downstairs dings and a ~~lunatic~~ man comes running out, armed with a giant Super Soaker equipped with a laser guide and a mounted screen which is tracking the drone's last point of signal.

Screaming out, "AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" Cisco rushes the counter, ready for cats, feral dogs, headcrabs or whatever may be terrorizing his porg, and is surprised and yet not surprised to see Puffy.

"MANIAC!" he shouts at the space bird. Hefting the gun, he aims it at Puffy in a threatening manner. "Where's GP?"

Do you think Puffy is scared of you, Cisco? He has taken on the mighty Chewbacca who is a lot scarier than you!

He screams defiantly at Cisco, wings flapping wildly, and then, eyes never leaving Cisco, yanks some more wires from the drone.

Take that.

"OH, you little-- " Cisco lifts the gun, so, SO tempted to shoot the hell bird in the face.

Hearing Cisco, GP comes out from hiding and perches on the counter beside Cisco, crooning and crying like a helpless and scared chick.

"GP!" Cisco holsters the squirt gun onto the backpack on his back and throws his arms out, catching GP when the porg jump/awkwardly flies at him. "What did he do? Are you hurt?"

GP keeps up the act, clearly he is the victim here and Puffy is just a horrible and mean birb bully.

Seeing GP come up and try for an Oscar, Puffy gives a disgusting snort that could be translated to "What are you? A porglet? Whiny little brat."

With a shake of his feathers, Puffy picks up his wires and flaps off into the rafters... after leaving Cisco a final "gift" on the drone.

"I'll have you arrested!" Cisco calls after Puffy, the threat punctuated by a fist shake in the air.

He reaches for the drone, then makes a face at what Puffy left behind and changes his mind.

"Bar? Can you get that back down to my workshop. And if that porg has a tab I want the damages charged to it."

The drone disappears, but Bar makes no comment on tabs or debts.

Taking his poor frightened porg, Cisco heads back towards the elevator.

"C'mon GP, it's modification and upgrade time."

Wilson's smallbird blinks in astonishment and tilts her head quizzically at the immense pile of blue vaguely foodlike cubes.

Wilson himself has just stepped on a blue puff cube that bounced particularly far from the bar, and is occupied with scraping it off the bottom of his shoe. He hasn't noticed the pile yet.

Oh! Hey! Smallbird! Here's a reasonable bird.

He chirrups at his friend. Look! Blue cubes!!!

The smallbird chirps back and bounces up and down, then tilts her head (well, most of her body, she doesn't really have a distinct head) at the cubes. There sure are a lot of them. Are you sure this is food??

He's quite sure they're food! And he eats one to show her. See!

Absolutely delightful! Come, try one!

He nudges a cube towards her.

The smallbird is still skeptical, but scarfs down the offered cube because her friend likes them so much.

It's so sweet!! She jumps up and down from excitement and surprise, chirping rapidly. This must be what it's like to eat 5 berries!!

Wilson hears the chirping and takes a moment to boggle at the overflowing pile of blue candy from some fifteen feet away.

Isn't it fantastic!?

He's happy that the smallbird likes them. She's much nicer than some other birds he won't name GP.

The chirruping is met with equally excited chirruping. Spotting Wilson he gives a hello quwark at him.

The smallbird keeps hopping around and peeping excitedly. Maybe this is too much power to give to one young tallbird.

Wilson waves at the bird, by force of habit. "Did you do this?"

He doesn't really expect an answer, or even for the bird to understand him. Talking to wild animals is just a thing he does now.